Ah, yes, the season of HallowThanksMas is here.  When retail stores lump all holiday décor together and we consumers have attention deficit shopping disorder.  There’s a plethora of spooky things alongside minimal shelf space begrudgingly given up to ceramic turkeys and gravy boats.  Then in the next aisle is a sparkly overload of red and white snowmen, ornaments and hot cocoa.

I’ve never been a big Halloween fan.  Sure, when I was a child, I enjoyed carving pumpkins and spending an evening trick-or-treating. You know, back when Halloween was cute and not terrifying. We’d pull our charming costumes on over our winter coats, strap our faces into plastic masks with tight elastic bands around our heads that allowed little visibility but plenty of face sweat, and go visit friend’s front doors with a muffled “trick or treat” hoping for the coveted big Hershey bar and limited Good ‘n Plenty’s. And when my son was young, we had fun traipsing around the neighborhood with friends or hosting some of his buddies for a gathering.  Yet I’ve never enjoyed scary monsters, horror movies, ghastly surprises, gooey gore or slasher fear.  Lots of you out there do, so Halloween is big.  Like, apparently really big.

One of the things I’ve noticed that has changed over the years is the growth, variety and SIZE of spooky home décor. It’s gone far beyond a few lit up jack-o-lanterns on the front step. I used to be impressed by my mom’s efforts when she would dress up a sweet witch in the window.  My older brother would toss on a sheet to answer the door (which, considering he was blind, made for an impressive effect since there was no need for eye holes).  I had friends whose parents went “all out” with fake spider webs, a couple of goblins, and played scary music and sound effects. But today that all seems so innocent and homespun.

Decorations have not only gotten more creative and eerie, but a whole lot bigger. I think it all started with those 10’ tall skeletons that started appearing in front yards a few years ago. Soon after came the grim reapers, the ghouls with pumpkin heads, and bigger than life witches and goblins. Have you seen the latest versions, those really big skeletons that look like they are climbing out of the ground?  Those things have to be about 8’ wide.  This may not be my favorite time of year, but I’m impressed by the effort and investment people make, and it certainly makes the drive to work entertaining.

So while I put out my pumpkins and a couple mums, I marvel at the huge boney beasts that appear in the night in other people’s yards.  Yet since I am a typical R.W., who tends to go overboard with Christmas decor, my mind shifts to the fact that for at least 85% of those extravaganzas, there is a woman behind the scenes who not only plans the timing and placement and set up, but has to figure out where the heck to store them during the other 11 months of the year.  At least inflatables (again, not my thing) deflate.  But those big ol’ plastic bones, skulls and demon heads have got to take up some serious space.  I envision an enthusiastic spouse coming home along about September 29^th to happily report “Honey, you just gotta check out what I got!  Isn’t this awesome?  When I get him set up, he’ll be 10’ tall – and he was 20% off!   But wait, it’s even better, with this battery pack, he moves and lights up!”   Meanwhile she’s attempting to share the excitement and spirit while doing advanced calculus in her head regarding the available square footage of storage space in her basement.

There is one house I drive by occasionally that simply leaves their extremely tall skeleton out all year, and he (or she) dons appropriate wearables for each season.  There’s Christmas skeleton, spring Easter skeleton, and summer beach skeleton. Ya just gotta appreciate a Hawaiian shirt that large.  And a woman’s creativity in avoiding having that thing’s parts and pieces shoved into a closet.

My husband has an old high school friend who is totally into Halloween. She has the one house in her neighborhood that people come visit or drive by to see each year, and the local News crew comes to film and interview her. Monsters, goblins, ghosts, witches, scarecrows, skeletons, dolls – you name it, they take up residence in her yard.  The amount of work she puts into it is exhausting to consider.  Get this – EVERY morning and EVERY night throughout the month of October, she moves many of her monsters out, then brings them back inside to avoid damage or theft.  That’s dedication.  That I simply don’t have.  And I have no clue how she fits them all back indoors post-spook-eve. I suppose keeping some ghouls out on the couch or around the table could cut down on any fears of someone breaking in some day.

I do have an extra appreciation for all of that spooktacular décor this year – the bigger the boo-friends, the more they block the all-too prevalent political signs, and the more they help us divert our attention from that ghastly turmoil.  And that’s one horror show I’m tired of watching. So bravo, bring on the big & bonies. Thanks giant Casper and Skelly the Skeleton for being you – because guess what, you aren’t the scariest thing of all this year.