We have all played that game in our minds… you know, that one where we think “what would I do if I won the lottery” or “what if I was rich and famous.”  Certainly, the usual thoughts come to mind first — like getting out of debt, buying a new house, donating money to someone who needs it, traveling the world….all awesome ideas.

Lately, however, I have been thinking about how great it would be to have a personal assistant.  We read in the tabloids from time to time about celebrities’ personal assistants.  What I want is a Real Woman’s assistant.  This person would not necessarily have traditional assistant responsibilities for me.  I have no interest in being driven around like Miss Daisy — I think that would drive me crazy.  I don’t need anyone to shop for my wardrobe for me, I like to do that myself.  I don’t even necessarily need this person to do my cleaning… except maybe my bathrooms, that would be pretty nifty.

No, what I would really like is someone to handle the annoying activities in my daily life that fall under the category of least favorite tasks.  For example:

1. Tupperware Maintenance.  I dread accessing my heap of storage containers. Even if I take the time to sort through them, re-stack, find all the matching tops and bottoms, and dispose of mismatched parts, within days it is a disheveled heap once again.  And I invariably end up frantically searching for a top and bottom that go together so I can quickly pack my lunch in the morning for work, cursing like a truck driver as they all fall out of the cabinet.  Having someone to maintain this area in an organized fashion would be a slice of heaven to me.

2. Grocery Shopping.  I have mentioned my hatred of this chore in previous posts. I find it time consuming and financially stressful, and a well-trained assistant to handle this effort for me would be lovely. I say well trained because even though I hate it, I am extremely particular about my produce selections and food brands.  This is not a task to be taken on by the faint of heart. Just ask my husband.

3. Toilet Paper Monitoring.  Imagine never again being caught by a bare roll.  Or never having to call for help after using the last 3 squares that were clinging to the roll and realizing a back-up was not placed in the room.  Even more awesome would be if the assistant could double check to be sure all seats were placed in their appropriate positions and no frightening clogged toilets were awaiting discovery.

4. Dishwasher Emptying.  You know that moment — you’ve got a full sink of dirty dishes, you open the dishwasher only to find it full of clean dishes. I know this sounds petty, but at that moment, taking the extra 10 minutes to empty it seems so very arduous.  I was spoiled for several years when the woman who cared for my son before and after school would often empty my dishwasher for me.  Coming home to that one less chore made me so happy I didn’t even complain when she’d put things away in mysterious places.  My son is now of an age where he no longer needs after school care — and he has yet to embrace the chore of emptying the dishwasher.  I believe he takes after his father on this one — I’ve never seen my husband do it.  He would literally rather wash a sink full of dishes by hand than empty the beast.

I realize my daydreams of an assistant to take care of these tasks seems a bit demeaning, and reminiscent of scenes from Downton Abby.  But I would never look on this person as a servant — rather, they would have my undying gratitude every time I opened my tupperware cupboard and admired the organizational wonder of it all.

Hey, a girl can dream, right?