If Clothes Could Talk Back

closetSpring has indeed, finally, sprung in New England.  Along with all of the other rituals, activities and chores that flow in to a Real Woman’s life in the springtime, is the inevitable closet clean out and seasonal clothing swap.

As I was sorting through my clothes, boxing up my heavy sweaters, shaking out my skirts, and making a pile for donation, I began to consider what it would sound like if my closet, and its inhabitants, could talk.  I believe it would go something like this:

“This is the third year in a row you will have unfolded me, hung me up, then never worn me. How about you give me away to a nice woman who will actually get some  use out of neon pink capri’s?”

“Don’t look at us. We were happy having just three of us in here, but no, over time you’ve added 6 more… we have no idea why you think you need so many white shirts. “

“Ooooh, she’s putting us back in the closet. Maybe this will be the year that she forgets how much we hurt her feet and will actually wear us!”

“Really?  Again with this?  You know you haven’t been able to button us around your waist in 4 years…. Is this summer really going to be any different?”

“Do you realize you’ve had me for almost 20 years?  Which means I’ve been with you even longer than your husband.”

“I hate to break it to you….but you need to consider giving me to someone a bit less mature than you. No matter how hard you try, I just don’t look right on a middle-aged body.  I’m like an English muffin – I show all your nooks and crannies.”

“Oh, honey….time to drop the winter weight if you plan to be able to breathe while I’m on you.”

“Please take us to the repair shop…you do see that those are nail heads poking out of our heels, right?”

“Oh, don’t put us away yet. It is only May. You may still need long sleeves.”

“Nope. I still don’t match anything else in here.  But I know you can’t part with me.  That’s ok, I’ll hang out until you’ve found a way to make me work.”

And finally, there is the smug but happy comment from the middle of the pack “Don’t worry, I’ll be here for you.  I’m your go-to outfit.  I make you look good.  Don’t you wish the rest of the gang in here was this easy?”

Good thing I can turn off the light and close the door.



About Real Women

A "real woman" mom, wife, worker, friend, sister, daughter....
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