We recently sold our old bedroom furniture to help fund a new set.  The old pieces were ugly, heavy, and not an efficient use of space.  They came into my life along with my husband (although he’s cute, not heavy, and very efficient); we’ve been married almost twenty years, so we felt justified in making the change.

As we worked to clean out all of the drawers, I told my husband that two or three of the drawers in the bureau I had used since we’ve been together stopped closing all the way a long time ago.  I knew there must be something stuck behind them, but the drawers did not come all the way out easily, so I had never been able to fish whatever it was, out.  Knowing we couldn’t sell it without fully closing drawers, we spent some time taking the back off, attempting to remove drawers, and tipping it on end.  After the first three pairs of socks made their appearance, we thought we were in the clear.  No such luck. In the end, we rescued a grand total of 15 pairs of socks, three camisoles, a bra, and two small travel cosmetic bags. Clearly I was trying to pack too much into the oddly small drawers. One would think I would have missed each of those items – but remember, this is about twenty years worth of a collection.  I did frequently wonder how I was going through athletic socks so quickly, but had just assumed either they were in the black hole of the laundry, or perhaps my son had used them when he was younger and smaller.  Out of my husband’s dresser, we rescued just one pair of wayward shorts, and several handfuls of b-b’s that had come from my stepson’s b-b gun several years ago.

When we pulled the furniture away from the walls we of course found additional parts and pieces, and enough dust and filth to disgust us and send us running for the shop-vac.  Greeting cards, cosmetics, several dog toys (his tennis ball collection just doubled in size), a matchbox car, and a few safety pins and paper clips were among the dusty rubble.  That space behind any large, heavy piece of furniture and the wall is a no-man’s land.  The only time I’ve attempted to retrieve items is when I’ve dropped something of value, like a piece of jewelry.  I even at one point bought one of those long-handled grabber tools to rescue important items.  But as for other small things, when I’ve been aware they fell back there, it was more of a “oh well, there it goes forever.”

Besides being a sign of our apparent clumsiness, I think any clean out surprises us by admitting to the bizarre stuff we all tend to collect and hold on to, or bury in dark drawers like a dog buries bones.  Desk drawers can yield all sorts of treasures, and I’m fairly certain that the majority of us have a self-proclaimed “Junk Drawer” in our kitchen, workshop, or office.  I bravely attempt to clean out our kitchen junk drawer once a year or so, and inevitably find things like old stamps, broken fridge magnets, crumpled photos, a rubber band ball, keys to who-knows-what, and batteries – likely used, possibly dead.  Why the majority of these things find their way into a drawer instead of the trash, who knows.  Unfortunately I have yet to stumble upon a misplaced wad of cash in any drawer or piece of furniture… I guess you have to have it in the first place to lose it.  We can’t all be lucky like Eric Stonestreet finding goodies in Ellen’s couch: https://www.ellentube.com/video/eric-stonestreet-digs-for-change-in-ellens-old-furniture.html

What I don’t understand is if we are able to find things like pairs of socks in bureau drawers, then what’s up with the washer and dryer?  I have a collection of mate-less and odd items on the top of my clothes dryer.  Right now I believe I have four socks (none the same), and two winter gloves (also not matching).  Where do the other halves go???  Do they go through a laundry portal to end up in someone else’s house?  Do they sneak off to have parties under the bed?  How is it that the mates don’t turn up in the next load of laundry?  I’m sure at some point in my past, I’ve grown weary of spares, thrown them away, only to have the twin show up three months later.  So for now I’ve started this new collection of items adorning the top of my dryer, as if they are a display of valuable collectibles to be gazed upon every time I’m doing my Cinderella duties in the basement.  Someday, somehow, the missing sock’s Prince Charming mate will arrive, after riding around inside a pant leg, or after being fetched from the bottom of a closet, or possibly having been used as a rag in hubby’s workshop.

As for the gloves….well, perhaps I’ve learned something from my recent bedroom bureau experience. I have a hunch that those missing partners may be lost in the back of the winter gear drawers in the hallway.  I seem to remember one isn’t closing all the way…..oh my, I wonder what else I will find.  I may need reinforcement — better call Indiana Jones.