Just in Case Unmentionables

Posted on January 10, 2014 by Real Women

bra We all have them. And yet, if asked why, we can’t really come up with a good answer or reason.

No matter whether we R.W.’s keep our brassieres in a drawer, a closet, a box, or just in a heap, we all have the same categories.  First there are the “good” bras.  These are our go-to friends, the ones we wear every day.  They fit well, give us the right amount of support, look great under our clothes and are fairly cute.  We may only have two or three of these, but we’ll wear them over and over again.

The next category is for the “special” bras.  These are the items purchased predominantly for their looks.  Sexy or adorable, we purchased these simply because we thought they were fun, or we had a special occasion for wearing them.  These are rarely worn.  They lay there looking pretty, to be admired but passed over.  When they are worn, it is for a short period of time because they are likely the most uncomfortable bras we own.

Next in line are the uglies but comfies.  These are the ones that give us little support, are not at all attractive, but are comfortable and let us breathe and relax.  We grab one of these at the end of the day when going braless is not an option, but we are tired of being constricted.  The uglies are worn under sweats, when cleaning the house, or if we have to have something on before running out to the store.

Now we come to the fourth and final category for which we have no reason.  The “because”, the “just in case”, and the “back up” bras.  We never wear these.  They don’t fit well, or the style is weird, or the color is odd, or they are really really old. We hate them. And yet, for no reason at all, we keep them.  By having them, we are prepared in the highly unlikely occasion when we have literally no other option.  “Just in case” all of our other bras are in the wash, or lost, or stolen.  Which, of course, is completely silly. We have all had that moment when rather than resort to a Category 4, we will sort through the laundry pile to find a Category 1 and re-wear it. After all, unless it is mid-summer, we’ve just exercised heavily, done hours of gardening, or we are going through menopause, bras don’t get that dirty or sweaty.

So our crowded bra drawer has valuable real estate taken up by the “back ups” for no reason whatsoever.  And guess what?  They aren’t alone. Because in the next drawer down, we have virtually the same situation with our panties.  We have our daily favorites, we have the special occasion items (this includes thongs which we only wear out of desperation under clothing that shows panty lines), and we have the once-a-monthers, otherwise known as “granny panties” – big, ugly, and saved for that miserable week so we don’t risk ruining our Category 1 or 2’s.  And yup, you guessed it, there are the Category 4’s.  They don’t fit. They are tattered. They are faded and thin.  We will never wear them.  Yet sure enough, there they are.  Happily nestled in the back corner, passed over every time, living the life of luxury and reminiscing about when they too were once the favorites.

The other day I began to wonder about our innate desire as Real Women to have “just in case/because” possessions.  Our mothers taught us to always be prepared.  You know, always wear clean underwear in case you are in an accident, and other rules of womanhood.  Yet I realized that the fate of stock-piling “back-ups” can ooze into other parts of the house.  I recently got brave and cleaned out a junk cabinet, and was shocked to find 15 water bottles.  There are only 3 of us in my household. Well, that’s not counting the dog, but he generally has limited need for a water bottle.  Why 15?  Once again, did I think we’d suddenly experience an emergency water bottle shortage?   “Oh, DARN, I want to go on a bike ride but I seem to have lost all my water bottles!”.   Really??

Proudly, I cleaned them out. I recycled or tossed…well, a few.  I did keep 7 or 8.  One can never be too careful.  Maybe, just maybe, this will be the encouragement I need to face my under garment drawers next.  After all, it really would be nice to be able to open and close them easily without having a wise guy “because” trying to sneak out and jam things.  Or to be able to put away my Category 1’s without crushing them.

So what do you say, R.W.’s?  How about we all get brave and start by each discarding ONE Category 4 item?  After all, we really have nothing to fear.  We all have at least 3 more “back ups”….. you know, just in case.

 

 

 

 

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Not Like the “Others”

Posted on January 4, 2014 by Real Women

The day after the New Year rang in, I took a break from storm watching online to browse other news stories. (After all, reading multiple updates about frigid wind-chills and snow accumulations can quickly move one from excitement to depression).  As I scanned through various headlines from Yahoo, I saw a couple updates as to how various female celebrities had celebrated their New Year’s Eve.  My first thought was “who really cares?”.  But after scrolling through some other news stories, I found myself going back with some curiosity.  We all for some reason seem to have an innate interest in how “the others” live.

ja vacayApparently the south was the hot place to be – figuratively and literally.  Demi Moore had gone to Mexico, ringing in the New Year with her daughter.  How nice.  The next story was about Jennifer Aniston and her fiancé enjoying time in Los Cabos with a bunch of other famous friends like Courtney Cox, Howard Stern and his wife, Jimmy Kimmel…  and oh, gee, apparently Beyonce and Jay Z were partying in Miami.

Once again I was struck by how different their lives are from the majority of us Real Women.  I sat back and compared for a moment.  I, like many other R.W.’s I had chatted with, had gone out for an early supper with my family on New Year’s Eve, then headed home to watch a movie in our jammies, then watch the ball drop and went to bed.  The following day was a quiet one at home.  Then it was back to work during the first bad snow storm of the season, while juggling closed schools, changes to appointments, and determining when to get to the grocery store.

Instead of lounging on a beach in a tiny bikini looking rather amazing, I was crawling into baggy sweaters and stretchy pants to hide my holiday-caloric-intact bulk, and pulling on fuzzy socks over feet that haven’t had a pedicure in months.

Am I jealous of those privileged “others”?  Maybe in part.  Would I like to have the leisure time and funds to hang out in tropics, having flown in a group of friends to have fun and party, rather than worrying about my house pipes freezing in -11 degree temperatures while I pay bills and climb out of holiday debt?  Sure.  Would I like to have a staff of trainers, chefs and stylists to ensure I always look and feel amazing?  That would be lovely.   But as for the rest of it?  Not so much.

I don’t have paparazzi hiding in my bushes taking long-distance grainy photos of me to share with millions of judgmental strangers.  I don’t have the media analyzing how I look to then report to the world that I either look great, or that I’ve “let myself go”.  I didn’t have someone trying to get a photo of my husband and I sharing a kiss on New Year’s Eve… just as well, we really aren’t as sexy as Jennifer and Justin.

No, instead, we Real Women have the ability if we want to be in our nice cozy private homes in our jammies and fuzzy slippers, taking down holiday decorations and eating junk food.  We can go to the gym and come home all sweaty and gross and no one really cares.  We can shop at Marshall’s, Dress Barn and Target and fill our closets for the cost of one celebrity gown.  Sure, we have our moments when we have to put on our public faces and be fabulous.  But most of the time, we can just be ourselves.  Amazing Real Women who don’t make the headlines.

Happy New Year to you all – no matter how you chose to celebrate it.

 

 

 

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Adventures in Slow Mo

Posted on December 28, 2013 by Real Women

sloth1Real Women move through life at one speed:  turbo.  We play beat the clock each day, trying to fit more and more in.  When we then add on something more to plan for, a big event or an impending holiday for example, we slip into overdrive.

The weeks leading up to Christmas (or Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa, or…name your holiday) are a flurry of activity and R.W’s are in an extended period of overdrive.  Warning, don’t slow down in front of us, we may just run you over.

Then it happens.  The big event comes and goes.  And R.W.’s begin to shift down.  Bit by bit, we slow down.  We begin to breathe normally, walk at a more regular pace, and our environment becomes less of a blur.

I find myself in that stage right now.  All of the Christmas prep is done.  Festivities are completed.  We all had a great time.  And now….I feel like I’m moving in slow motion.  And I really, really like it.  Lucky for me, I’ve been able to take some time off from work.  I worked only about 10 hours this past week – and unlike when I may carve out time for a vacation in the spring or summer, most of the folks I interact with for work are also taking time off.  So this is the one time of the year when I don’t have the anxiety of seeing 100 emails or calls coming in waiting for my return.

Plus, as any of you out there who have traveled with children know, “vacation” is frequently not relaxing for R.W.’s.  But this time of year, even the kids are in some kind of post-holiday stupor, at least for a day or two.

I’m feeling rather sloth-like.  These furry, funny, odd creatures are notorious for moving very slowly through life.  They move only when they need to.  I am moving as necessary as well…. Today I even managed to do the grocery shopping and get a few loads of wash done. But I didn’t rush.  I took my time.  I “slothed” my way through my day.  It was lovely.

Sure, there is plenty I could be doing.  And I’ll get there at some point.  Fortunately, my family and I don’t have much in the way of plans for ringing in the New Year, so I don’t have to gear up for anything major in the way of celebrations.  If I plan well, I can Sloth my way right into 2014.

I know it will be short lived. In a matter of a couple of days, I, along with all of my other fellow R.W.’s, will be moving back into the passing lane, and pushing that accelerator pedal to get up to regular cruising warp speed.   It really is too bad that we call can’t prolong this phase of slow mo.  Perhaps we’d all live in a gentler, kinder world if we could stay this way.  I like to imagine that this could be what Retirement is like – that is, if I can ever retire.  Plenty of “stuff” to do, but no great rush to do it.  How heavenly.

In the meantime, I plan to cherish every fleeting moment of slow mo.  Tonight, after dinner, I plan to morph into sloth mode, wrap up in a blanket, watch some tv and read some magazines.  Simple pleasures like that are what I literally day dream about during “regular” life.  Now is the time to make them come true.

Of course, there are some disadvantages.  It is believed that sloths move so slowly due in large part to their diet.  They eat food that provides little energy or nutrients… kind of like the unhealthy holiday binge-fest I’ve been partaking in.  It is said that 2/3 of a sloth’s body weight consists of the contents of their stomachs.  Yup, that’s kind of how I feel too.

But that’s ok.  Bring on the slothing.  That’s what New Years Resolutions are for, right?

 

 

 

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From the Heart

Posted on December 24, 2013 by Real Women

To my followers, readers, friends, and fellow bloggers —

I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your support and send you my best wishes for a wonderful, peaceful and happy Christmas.  May you enjoy warmth, love, laughter, and have several moments of relaxation and thankfulness for this very real life we all lead.

Christmas3

 

 

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Yes, Ms. Walker, We Do Have Spirit

Posted on December 22, 2013 by Real Women

D walker We all have our favorite holiday classic movies that are on our “must watch” list at this time of year.  There is such a variety to choose from —  The Grinch, Charlie Brown, Elf, The Christmas Story, It’s a Wonderful Life……the list seems to be nearly endless, and somehow we can watch some of these every year for many years, reaching the point where we can quote them word-for-word, yet we still love to watch them each time.

For me, my ultimate favorite old classic is A Miracle on 34th Street.  I love this movie for a lot of reasons.  The story line itself is pretty adorable.  The characters are so memorable – Kris Kringle truly has a twinkle in his eye; young Natalie Wood is precocious yet some how endearing, with her bubble gum saved in her special box in her bedside table; the handsome young lawyer; the young janitor with the heavy fake Bronx accent; and of course, the strong Doris Walker played by the stunning Maureen O’Hara – the mom to be wooed not only by the Lawyer but by the spirit of the season.  And what’s not to love about the under-story of the battles between two Retailers, Macy’s and Gimbels?

Last night as I settled in for probably the umpteenth time to watch it, I noticed how things have changed since 1947, when this movie came to be.  What struck me first, which had never really dawned on me before, is how at the very beginning of the movie, we learn how little Susan has been spending time with an unrelated adult man in a neighboring apartment – someone her mom has not yet met.  He has “grown very fond of Susan”, and apparently spends quite a bit of time with her.  Unfortunately in today’s society, a million alarm bells would go off in any of our heads now if a child was in that situation.  But then, in this movie, there was nothing “wrong” about it.  Similarly, when the Lawyer admits he partly was spending time with the girl in order to meet the mom, Ms. Walker is only slightly taken aback, and actually charmed… not completely disgusted as women would be today.

Certainly, there are the other “old time” movie elements that have changed in modern day and are fun to pick out… actors are shown smoking pipes and cigars around children, women are always in dresses, and children have perfect manners.  And of course Macy’s has outlived Gimbels, and still clings to its heritage to be special among a sea of modern-day retail giants — but shopping experiences are just not what they used to be.  Seeing the world through Hollywood’s eyes in the late 40’s adds to the charm of this classic.

Most notable of all is the character of Doris Walker, one of Hollywood’s first Real Women.  She is a career woman.  In a time when most working women held supportive, administrative roles, Ms. Walker has her own office, her own assistant, and seemingly some authority with the men around her.   Even more shocking, she is [gasp!] divorced, and raising her daughter on her own.  This combination was rarely discussed in those days, especially on the big screen.

This Real Woman has become slightly bitter.  She works hard and has built up a wall to protect herself.  She makes all of her decisions in life based on reality and fact. There are no fairy tales in her life, and she scolds the new man in her life for his “idealistic ideas and beliefs in silly intangibles.”  Yet, as the movie progresses, she goes through her own Grinch-like transformation and softens and begins to believe once again in something other than common sense, and lets in some spirit of the season.

Of course, we all could find it easier to be in the cheerful holiday spirit if we had a fabulous job, had just received a healthy bonus, had a new man in our life, were about to buy a quaint new home, and looked like Maureen O’Hara.   But all that aside, what we see is a Real Woman who has been carrying the world on her shoulders in true martyr style, finally decide to relax a bit under those giant shoulder pads.

Last night as I was wrapping gifts and watching my old favorite, I began to wonder.  How many of us modern day Real Women are Doris Walkers?  How many of us have built up walls to be strong and resilient, have started to reject notions of fantasy and have become just a touch cynical?  Not on purpose, mind you… but out of “necessity” or because we are too busy trying to carry too much on our modern day shoulder pads?

Maybe this is the perfect time of year to let go of our inner Ms. Walker and relax. Be silly.  Believe in some sort of magic.  Channel instead our inner Susans and start to have some fun with fairy tales and “silly intangibles.”  We have spent the rest of the year being the strong Real Women, taking care of others and having our feet firmly placed in reality.  It’s time for some faith and frivolity.

 

 

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Season’s Greetings

Posted on December 15, 2013 by Real Women

cardsWhen was the last time you sent or received a piece of personal mail?  I mean real mail, via the U.S. Postal Service.  Something in a stamped envelope that wasn’t a bill, an ad, or a credit card solicitation?

I know I sound like an old coot saying this, but there was a time when letter writing and card sending was a regular activity in order to stay in touch with loved ones.  One of my BFFs and I wrote lengthy novelettes to each other all through college.  In hindsight, I’m not sure how we managed to find the time or avoid carpal tunnel, but rarely a week went by without something in each other’s mailboxes.  I wonder now if our kids have any idea how to write, address, and mail a letter.   They likely would not see the purpose in doing so… why should they bother, when they can call, text, email or Skype?

Perhaps I’m old fashioned, but I still get a little boost of excitement on those rare days when I find an envelope with a hand-written address, sent from a friend or family member, hiding among the piles of junk we otherwise receive in the mail box.  It is like a little promise of fun, a warm and fuzzy hello.

Enter Christmas to save the day.  Many of us take advantage of this time of year to settle in with pen in hand and reach out via mail with our holiday greetings.  True, as we all get busier and busier, this is one holiday activity that some of us cross off the to-do list with little harm done.  But for those others of us who want to keep this tradition going, we have a wide variety of options available – which means we end up giving ourselves just a bit of extra stress as we try to decide what to send, and how to be more creative than the previous year.

Should the card be traditional?  Spiritual?  Serious?

Or should it be funny and edgy?

Is the message appropriate?

Do you include a family photo?

Or, how about a photo card?  The format options for photo cards are unlimited and even mind-boggling.  I can personally attest to spending far too many hours agonizing over the layout and the selection of images to include.  Should we use one single great shot, or a collage of many?  And are the photos just of the kids, or of the whole family?   Does the dog get in there too?

Ok, so you’ve decided on the card.  But wait, you aren’t done yet.  Do you leave it be with a nice holiday salutation, or do you include a note?  Since many of the folks who will be receiving this correspondence are probably not people you are in touch with on a daily, weekly or even monthly basis, it seems appropriate to include a letter of some sort.   Oh boy.  What’s the best option?  A quick hand-written personal note “all is well, we miss you”?  Or do they deserve a lengthier update?

This part of the process has evolved as well, and most of us now are fine with receiving a “form letter.”  It saves so much time to type up an update and send it to everyone on your list.  Maybe that takes a bit of the personal touch out of the gesture, but it was at least written and created personally to begin with, right?  However, again you are faced with similar issues as the card selection process.

Should the letter be traditional and serious?

Is it all upbeat and joyous, talking about how wonderful your life is?  We’ve all received letters before that seem to proclaim the fabulousness of the sender’s life, how they climbed Mount Everest or how their miraculous children are graduating with honors from Harvard.  Those letters tend to make the recipient feel either under-achieving or just plain nauseous.

So what is the next best option?  Do you go the opposite direction and get completely realistic, and tell it how it really is?   Yikes, not sure anyone wants to see that.

How much detail do you include?

Do you stick to the same rule of thumb as a resume, and keep it to two pages or less?

And finally… the actual addressing, stamping and mailing.  Do you hand write each address in pen?  Or does the techy “I don’t have time for that” you run off labels from your computer database?   And how about the stamps?  You’ve gone through such effort to pick out pretty cards, you certainly can’t just slap any ol’ ugly stamp on there.  Next thing you know, you’ve got the post office clerk spreading all holiday options out on the counter to choose from.  And there you are, faced with the final decision…

Do you go traditional and serious and select the Virgin Mary and baby?

Or go cute and fun with Santa and the elves?

Or play it safe with the poinsettia?

Thankfully they are all self-adhesive…. Licking the envelopes was bad enough.

And so, triumphantly, you drop your stack of personal salutations into the mail, sending your best wishes across the miles.  Then you wait to see what lovely greetings you will receive in return, happily displaying them in a place of honor among the other holiday décor in your home.

But don’t put those extras too far away.  Sure enough, you are going to receive at least one from someone to whom you had not included on your list.  In true Real Woman style, you will do anything to avoid a holiday faux pas, so you will rush to get one right back out to them.

Ah yes, leave it to us R.W’s to take such a simple gesture as sending holiday cards and turn it into the most complex process as possible.  I suppose it can’t be avoided… we send letters and cards so rarely, we get out of practice.  Good thing we’ve got Christmas to remind us how to channel our inner Emily Post.

 

 

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Almost Done

Posted on December 9, 2013 by Real Women

50's couple washing and drying dishes.At the risk of sounding like I’m setting us back after several decades of struggling  for equality, I’m going to point out that even after all this time the management of the home is still largely the Real Woman’s realm.  We are the ones to keep things buzzing along effectively and efficiently.  Those of us with a husband or male partner who resides with us will quickly recognize that the exterior of the home, the yard, the mechanical and automotive areas are their world. Pretty much everything within the walls that falls under “daily activities and maintenance” is ours.  Not necessarily by choice.  They just don’t quite do it right.

Luckily, there are many men in our lives who are willing to occasionally step up to the plate and assist in some way with household chores.  They will make valiant attempts to help us because we are frequently overwhelmed.  We will also make valiant attempts to step aside and let them try.  Some men, with direction, may actually be fairly good at it.  However, try as they might, there are bound to be some ways they fall short.  They get it almost right – but our standards are, for them, unattainably high.

One of the Real Women in my life has aptly named this phenomenon as the Case of Mr. Almost Done.  The Mr. Almost Done’s of the world make some effort with chores but somehow miss the mark.  Let’s take a look at a few examples of this character’s activities in his un-natural habitat:

  • He scoops up the kitchen trash and takes it out. He does not replace the liner in the trash can.  Almost Done.
  • The helpful man offers to do the dinner dishes.  He may get them all cleaned up or loaded into the dishwasher. However, the debris in the sink and the counter tops and the stove remain.  Almost Done.
  • He prepares the table for dinner. He sets out plates and napkins.  He apparently assumes the family will eat and drink with their hands. Almost Done.
  • He assists his child with certain homework questions. However, he fails to ask about the completion of other homework or does not sign appropriate forms.  Almost Done.
  • He gets the mail out of the mailbox. Then gets distracted and leaves it in the garage.  Almost Done.
  • The man offers to make dinner.  He prepares the meat portion of the meal. There are no sides prepared.  Almost Done.
  • He may take a stab at preparing the children’s school lunches. Then leaves them out on the counter without refrigeration.  Almost Done.
  •  If he remembers to get a new roll of toilet paper out, he will then prop the paper on top of the dispenser or on the back of the toilet. Almost Done.

As frustrating as it may seem, it is important that we not crush the spirit or the hopes of Mr. Almost Done.  We need to simply realize that we will perennially need to follow after him to complete each task to our level of satisfaction, while complimenting him on his efforts and showing him our appreciation.   We must do this for a few reasons:

  1. No matter how much training we invest, he will never get it completely right.
  2. He may pretend otherwise, but his heart is just not in it.
  3. Every little bit does help us.  He is saving us at least 5 minutes with each task.
  4. Remember, we would frustrate the dickens out of him if we offered to help out in the garage. Luckily, we know better.
  5. Your son is a Mr. Almost Done in training – keep the encouragement coming.
  6. We will always feel needed.

And finally, and most importantly, we need to remember it could be worse. Because for every Mr. Almost Done out there, he has a cousin Never Done, a brother Won’t Do and a best friend Wait, Whut?

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Slow Down

Posted on December 2, 2013 by Real Women

tortoise-and-the-hareThe big meal is over, leftovers are stored or have been turned into casseroles… Hanukkah is well on its way…and now the race is on to Christmas.  Ready, set, GO…

Wait a minute.

For those of us who celebrate Christmas, Advent is the four week season leading up to the celebration of Christ’s birth.  It is a time for reflecting on preparation, for waiting, a time for contemplation and meditation, and a time filled with candlelight and stillness.

At least it is supposed to be. Yet how many of you just read my previous sentences and your automatic response was a snort and “yeah, right.”  We Real Women don’t do relaxed contemplation especially well.  We don’t slow down easily. Many of us don’t even know how.  Just ask my brother, he tells me that I “scurry.”  I rarely just sit and relax.  Even when I do sit, I’m still doing something.  Sound familiar?  Of course it does.

We R.W’s already carry a lot on our shoulders, trying to be super women and do it all – family, work, home, community… Then this time of year we pile it on even higher, going into some sort of warp speed mode.  Our massive To Do list expands to include activities like shopping for gifts, wrapping those gifts, doing charity work, sending holiday letters or cards, decorating, baking, party planning, family visits and more.

We get so worked up that we even start to get competitive about our progress in this race to the finish line.  How many people do you know who are happy to boast that they have all their holiday shopping done before you are done carving your Halloween pumpkin?  Or those who let you know their Christmas cards are addressed and stamped and ready to be sent by Black Friday?  I’m not sure why we get into this one-upsmanship.  Really all it results in is making others feel more stressed.  We need to stop it.

It is easy to get pulled into the anxiety of “what do you mean you haven’t finished all your wrapping yet?”  After all, once you wind us R.W’s up, it is hard to unwind us again.  This weekend I got my house all decorated. Not because I had necessarily planned to do it all at once, nor was I really feeling the pressure from the Griswold houses around the corner.  It was more about having the available time.  We didn’t travel for Thanksgiving, and I was lucky enough to have Friday off, so I had a long weekend available.  I decided to get started, and next thing I knew, that Real Woman drive of “can’t stop now” kicked in, and I was putting the finishing touches on my snow village at 9:00 Sunday night.

I do have to admit now that it feels good to have it done.  However, the reason it feels good is because I really do want to slow down and enjoy this season of Advent.  I have a plan that sometime this week, even if it is just once, I’m going to pick up a magazine from the pile I haven’t had time to look at, sit next to the tree, hot cocoa in hand, put my feet up, and flip through the glossy pages of fluff.  It will feel decadent.  I will have to push the “but I still gotta” thoughts out of my head.  But I’m determined to make it happen, because I figure once I master that, then maybe I really can learn to light a candle and be still.

This morning on my way to work (running a few minutes late per usual), I had 100 thoughts swirling through my head – a rampant combination of work-related things that would need my attention as soon as I got there, plans for my evening, and of course holiday to do’s.   Lo and behold, I got stuck behind a large truck pulling a flat bed of huge construction equipment, going 20 miles an hour.  Instead of getting anxious and irritated, I took a deep breath, recognized it as a sign, and….. slowed down.   Guess what?  It felt good to take my foot off that accelerator pedal.  Give it a try.

candle

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Filling More Than Shelves

Posted on November 25, 2013 by Real Women

Food-bankThis evening my son and I took part in one of our seasonal activities, helping out at a local Food Pantry.  For a couple of hours we jumped into the hustle and bustle to stock and re-stock shelves while those in need waited in line to get food to feed their families on Thanksgiving.

I think it is important for my son to learn how he can help others by giving his time and effort, and to understand how truly fortunate we are.  And yet, as much as I believe this is an essential part of growth and development, I am embarrassed to admit that we are not frequent “volunteerers”.   We fall into that excuse and rut of being “too busy” or not finding the “right” opportunities to get involved with on a regular basis.  Ironically, when we do finally carve out the time to help out a cause or charity, I am struck by not only how easy it is to do, but I walk away no doubt more profoundly affected than the people we served.

In this particular situation, I’m humbled for several reasons. First, I recognized a few faces from years past… the folks who do the volunteer coordination and management are there without fail, every year, putting in many hours, tirelessly trying to make lives of others a bit better.  And no matter if some of us can only come in for an hour or two, they are welcoming and appreciative of the help.

Next of course I’m struck by the length of the line of people, waiting in the cold for their turn to come inside to gather what goods they are able to obtain.  I think about how that could so easily be me and my family.  In this economy, with the instability of job markets, the expense of health care, and so many other scary variables, I often feel like many of us are standing on the very edge, clinging on with our toes to our jobs and homes. Real Women filed past me, reaching for their allowance of canned goods to take home to cook a meal for their kids.  This is just one Food Pantry in one town…multiply it by so many others in other communities across the country, and then so many other people who never make it to a food resource and end up going hungry, and it is just mind-boggling.

In an effort to provide for as many people as possible, the Food Pantry organizers had to place limits on each section of food stuffs.  For example, in the area we loosely categorized as “condiments”, we had everything from ketchup and mustard to salad dressings to bread crumbs to mayonnaise.  The limit was 2 per family.  I watched people carefully consider and select their items, and I thought about my refrigerator full of so many of these things.  A blatant example of how we can’t take even small things for granted.

Finally, what hit home the most to me tonight was that for the most part, the attitude and outlook of the people coming through the Pantry was….festive.  Even through their struggles, even after waiting in 20 degree weather, even in crowded thin aisles, and even with potentially limited options, they were cheerful and appreciative.  They thanked us volunteers, they joked with us a bit while in line. They wished each other Happy Thanksgiving.  One woman paused and said to me “wow, people donated all this?  That is so nice.”  Yes, it is nice, and thank the Lord that people are generous enough to donate food, because we went through a lot of it in a very short amount of time tonight, and it was only the beginning of the week.   Yet to hear the appreciation from this woman somehow surprised me.  I kept thinking it is the least we can do to help each other out.   It is what we are supposed to do, isn’t it?

I’m not sure my son gets as much out of these experiences yet as I do. After all, he’s 13, so just getting him to think about someone other than himself for 5 minutes and do any form of manual labor is an achievement in itself.  But I can tell that he enjoyed it, and perhaps at the very least has more of an appreciation of the need that is out there, and how easy it is to help out, even just a little bit.

And perhaps this year he will be a little extra Thankful.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Food, Helping others, Holidays, Seasons | Tagged , , , , , | 3 Comments

They Keep Us Young

Posted on November 17, 2013 by Real Women

hipsterdogeI grew up in a Kool-aid-mom kind of household.  Our house was the hang out, and mom was involved enough in our lives to be up to date and informed without being over-bearing. There were always extra kids around. Friends often stayed until dinner time or overnight, and mom would magically have enough food for however many mouths needed feeding.  When we had get togethers or parties, invariably some of our friends would end up hanging out in the kitchen talking to mom and dad.

I have not reached that level of Kool-aid status.  However, I’m fairly confident that I land somewhere on the scale between totally slammin’ (ie: way cool & hip) and hopelessly awkward and embarrassing.  I’ve determined that my best defense against becoming one of those old ladies who sits in the corner dazed and confused is to make sure I continue to listen to the best resource: kids.

This is not as easy as it may seem. As time goes on I find myself around young kids less and less.  We have a couple of preschoolers in my extended family, but they are several hours away.  Beyond them, the youngest of that generation in my family are now teenagers.  In the blink of an eye, I’ve gone from a young mommy of a toddler to a middle-aged mom of a middle-schooler.

As any mom, aunt, or family friend would agree, each phase of child-rearing conveniently provides us with a form of education… after all, it is not just the child that is learning from us.  We learn from them all the time as well.  And by virtue of being involved, participating, and especially listening, we have a chance to stay young – at least in heart and mind.

Since my son is moving into his ever-so-cool teen years, one of the ways I attempt to stay in touch with those who are still shorter than me is by volunteering to teach Church School at our Church.  We have children there ranging in age from preschool to 5th grade and I am constantly amazed by their energy, innocence and sponge-like capacity to absorb all that is around them.

I get to hear about what the kids enjoy doing, what makes them happy, what worries them, what is important to them.  I get to hear the phrases they use and see their imaginations at work. It does my heart good to experience the fact that even though they may be excited about a planned vacation, or a friend’s party, or a recent gift they received, without a doubt, hands down, family is still the most important thing in their lives.  They may fuss and argue with a sibling in class, but they are at the same time fiercely loyal to any and all family members.

As far as attempting to stay trendy… well, I have my son and his friends to attempt to help me through that jungle.  My son is a Gamer, which means that at least ¾ of what he says to me sounds like a foreign language, or like some futuristic bizarre movie about another world.  But when I do get him on other topics, it is helpful and educational.  He and his buddies will give me glimpses into that pre-teen to teen environment, and what is cool (err, sorry, “sweet”), and what is not.   Phone calls are out, Skyping is in.   Music is still cranked, but it is downloaded, not played from an album.   News doesn’t come from the newspaper – it comes from Facebook, Twitter or YouTube.

This weekend my son joined me to run errands and do some holiday shopping. In the car he picked the music on satellite to listen to, and we discussed current trends at school.  It was handy having him with me… I was searching for WWF action figures for a holiday donation gift, and he clued me in as to what to buy “Mom, you gotta include a Cena.”

At the book store, I had him help me pick out some books for my baby and toddler nephews.  We both started down memory lane, saying “ooh, remember this one? You made us read this a million times.”  At one point, he said “mom, you’ve GOT to include a couple of these, they are the best.”   I have to admit I was only half-listening because I was immersed in the shelves of books.  After a moment, I looked up, and there was my 13 year old, his own book tucked under his arm, reading a Bernstein Bears book.  I guess I’m not the only one who wants to stay young at heart.

Can I survive in life not being aware of things like Dub Step, Avicci, Nike Kobe 8’s, Doge Memes, Rainbow Looms, Steam Cards, Multi-player functionality, YouTubers and rage comics?   Of course.  Without any of those, I can go on living a functional life, listening to my Classic Rock, considering which shade of hair-color-in-a-box to buy, and using my iPhone to only half of its potential.   But I guess I’d rather try to keep at least one finger on the pulse of the youth.  It will help me feel a bit more hip.  And maybe some day, instead of Kool-Aid, I could be the Gatorade mom.

 

 

Posted in age, family, Kids | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment