Don’t Make ‘Em Like They Used To?

Posted on June 23, 2012 by Real Women

I don’t know if there is a term for this domestic phenomena, but I’m sure you have experienced it….that weird timing when either you will run out of certain supplies all at the same time, or things will quit working all at the same time.  Perhaps you run out of toilet paper in each of your bathrooms on the same day.  Or 3 different light bulbs in your house blow in one week. Of course, if we all had staff to keep track of these items and perform daily maintenance, we probably would never really notice.  But naturally, since we Real Women are the ones to do the shopping, and we manage households that routinely need minor repairs, this phenomena can be pretty darn annoying – especially when it starts happening to larger equipment.

Within just the past week, my household has experienced the following:  My oven died.  The guts to one of our toilets gave out, making it run constantly.  The icemaker in our freezer broke somehow, and started spraying water all over the inside of the freezer to refreeze in a glacial mess.  The computer is not booting up correctly.  And the motor in the shop vac is dying.   None of these are minor “oh well, time to replace a light bulb” kind of nuisances….and I have to tell you, when they all seem to happen at once, it is pretty darn frustrating.

The one thing that all of these items have in common (except the computer, and I think that is just having a little bad technology attitude) is that each of them were new when we built our house 13 years ago.  Which leads me to believe that perhaps the life span of most appliances, or parts of them, is about 13 years.  That in turn leads me to a few questions:  Is 13 years good or bad?  Should things last longer?  Is it verifying that phrase “they don’t make ‘em like they used to?”  (whoever “they” is?).  Is there some truth to 13 perhaps not being a lucky number?  Even worse, “oh, no, what’s next?!”

I took a few minutes to think about my beloved oven.   I realized that when we bought it new, we chose a fairly low-end basic model.  We were tight on funds, and got a standard no-frills stove/oven.  I cook and bake a lot.  So realistically, that oven has been used almost every day, if not several times each week, for 13 years, sometimes for hours at a stretch.  Ok, so maybe it doesn’t owe me too much.  And the icemaker, well, that has been working every day for the same period of time – and my husband thinks it is just a cracked hose, which can be fairly easily replaced.   Perhaps I can’t answer the question that lurks in my mind about the quality or craftsmanship of modern parts in the things we use every day.  But I do know that at my age, I know some of my own parts don’t work as well as they used to either.  So I should probably cut my appliances a bit of a break.

And yes, I’m well aware that this could be just the tip of the iceberg, and more things could soon need repairing or replacing.  Maybe I can turn it into some sort of guessing game – so it will seem less of an annoyance when I go to turn something on and nothing happens.  Besides, having to do replacements is not always bad. Today we took delivery on my nifty new double oven unit, and in a kitchen-geeky kind of way, I’m very excited about it.  The only issue is tonight I have to wade through a thick owner’s manual just to know how to use it.  All I had to do on the old one was turn a nob….so it really is true – they’d DON’T make them like they used to.

 

 

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Mars and Venus

Posted on June 20, 2012 by Real Women

“Somewhere out there is the man you’re supposed to marry and if you don’t get him first, somebody else will…and then, you’ll have to spend the rest of your life thinking that somebody else is married to your husband. “ –  When Harry Met Sally

Nearly 20 years ago, a brave soul by the name of John Gray published a book that finally admitted that men and women were just not the same. We don’t think alike, we don’t act alike, we have different values, different outlooks, different ways of understanding things, and most especially, different ways of communicating.  His book, “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” flew off the shelves in those days, as we all realized it was ok to admit that we just don’t “get” each other.

If you’ll forgive my gross over-generalizations here, men tend to be black-and-white, making choices and decisions based on practicality or what they believe to be simply right or wrong.  We women tend to make our choices and decisions based more on emotions and feelings.  We are very different beings – and yet we are attracted and drawn to each other like the proverbial moth to a flame.

Even though we are well aware of how different we are, we still spend a whole lot of time and energy trying to “figure each other out.”  At least we women do.  Let’s face it, ladies, one of our favorite, most common topics is men. We talk about the men in our lives, the ones not in our lives, the ones we wish were in our lives, and the ones we are glad are no longer in our lives.  We even have terms for the discussions…. If it is good stuff, it is “dishing.”  If it is bad stuff, it is “bashing.”  We can devote entire social gatherings to this –  generally known as Chick’s Nights, with alcohol in hand.

Yet let’s not fool ourselves – the men are venting about us too.  They just tend to not do it in such a gregarious, social way. They are more apt to complain about our “emotional irrationality” with buddies on the golf course, while watching a game, or possibly over a beer with one close friend.

And yet, for all that complaining and not “getting it”, we keep doing it.  We personify the line “can’t live with them, can’t live without them.”  Or, as I have altered it at certain moments of frustration to: “Men. Can’t live with them, can’t leave them by the curb….’cause no one will pick them up.”

I will never pretend to be a marital expert, but I’ve had my share of experiences over the years, and I’ve done lots of observing and talking with others.  And each stage of relationship has its features and benefits.  I was at a high school graduation party recently, and watching the teenagers reminded me of those early flirty days at young ages when we were completely bewildered by each other, but our hormones were calling the shots and making some often poor choices for us.

As we matured, we entered into more serious relationships… and we started to see that our beloved heart-throbs actually had some flaws – shockingly, they were not perfect.  There was drama, there was heartbreak, there was growth….and each time we learned some very important things about ourselves .

Then, at some point, we latched onto a guy who was “the one”, or at least he “could be the one.”   This is the guy who despite his flaws and issues, we stick with long enough, for enough years, to realize that we are in it for the “long haul.”   We fall in love, maybe even get married.  This is where the real education begins.   When we are together for very long periods of time, we get to a level of understanding that just can’t be reached with short-term relationships.  In this relationship, we realize the importance of all the lessons we learned leading up to this “one.”  We have grown old enough to be clearer about what is important to us, what we will put up with and what we won’t.  And have hopefully developed a vitally important sense of humor to cope with some of those flaws we find in each other along the way.

The challenge, of course, is that it is impossible to predict the future and know what either you, or your partner, will be like in 10, 20, 30 years from when you first met.  The lucky ones grow alongside each other, keeping enough in common to truly last for that long haul.  We take the bad stuff in stride because the good stuff is just that good, and it is worth it.  We look forward to the years ahead, of experiencing life’s milestones together.  Others of course may not make it that far…perhaps our life changes are too great, we no longer see eye to eye on anything, and we part company.  Of course it is painful, but I really don’t believe the end of a relationship should be seen as failure.  Just yet another chapter in life we somehow survive, it makes us stronger, and we move on.

Isn’t it funny that with all this experience we put ourselves through, all the interactions we have with a variety of men, we can still get so confused and bewildered by them, and vice versa?   Men can seem to be such simple creatures, yet we can still get together with our girlfriends, have several glasses of wine, participate in major philosophical discussions, and at the end of the evening still just end up shaking our heads and saying “I just don’t get it.”

One thing is for sure.  Every step of the way, we gain more material for discussions, for crying and for laughing, and for each of us to get smarter and stronger.  So carry on, Real Women.  Be brave, be that moth flying to the flame.  Just be sure to take notes along the way so we can dish later.

 

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The Style of Reality

Posted on June 19, 2012 by Real Women

I was browsing through a magazine this weekend, and one of the short features was a series of photos of Jennifer Aniston in various fabulous outfits. The editors had asked readers to vote for their favorite style on Jen.   Really??  First of all, I believe it may be nearly impossible for Jen to ever look bad.  Secondly, do we really care which is best, Edgy Jen, Girlie Jen, Casual Jen or Flirty Jen?  (Casual was the winner, apparently – I’m sure you will all sleep better knowing this.)  It then of course detailed her “key pieces” she was wearing for the casual look.  Oh, good, now I can run out and buy the same $160 leather bag to be like Jen.

As with so many current magazines, I am left shaking my head at how so little of what they publish is anything we Real Women can truly relate to.  Wouldn’t it have been much more fun to see Jen, or any other woman, in real-life circumstances and styles?  I would have enjoyed voting for the Jen I could most relate to and feel connected to…. Let me see a celebrity looking worn out after a grueling 10-hour work day.  Let me see the woman in a thrown-together outfit running out the door to work, in whatever was clean and ironed that morning, just hoping to be free of dog-hair and baby spittle.  Or the reality of a woman who has survived a sweaty and gross exercise session….or filthy dirty and disheveled after spending a hot afternoon in the garden….or wrapped up in old sweats, un-showered, no-makeup, in the mid-winter after a 3-day power outage?  Yes, THOSE are the moments, the women, and the styles we can identify with.  I wouldn’t necessarily call it “vote for us when we look the worst.”  More like “vote for reality and the strength and resiliency of Real Women.”

Not many of us spend our days looking amazing walking down a California street in Prada and Gucci.  I actually don’t know any Real Women who do that.  The women I know look amazing just getting through their crazy days.  If any of you are brave enough out there to share with me your real style, your real moments, send me a photo or description, then with your permission I’ll share it in a post.  And guess what, I’ll go first.  The image below is of me, last night.  After a full work day, followed by a workout, followed by errands and a marathon grocery shopping trip.  I left the house at 8am and returned at 8:30pm.

Yup, I look beat.   Eat your heart out, Jen.

 

 

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America runs on…

Posted on June 15, 2012 by Real Women

I don’t drink coffee. Never have. I know, shocking, a Real Woman who doesn’t drink coffee. I know I’m in the minority, along with a handful of others I know.  What is the first thing you get asked if you go out for breakfast, or even go to a place of business?  “Can I get you a cup of coffee?”  It is an assumed thing.  For me, it goes hand-in-hand with my philosophy of “acquired tastes.”  If it needs to be acquired, why bother?  It means it wasn’t good in the first place!  I feel the same way about beer.   But I digress.

Because I am not a coffee drinker, and I try hard to stay away from fattening pastries, I am not a regular visitor to coffee shops and donut havens.  However, I will from time to time stop in to my local Dunkin’ Donuts – in the winter it will be for a Chai Tea or Hot Cocoa, in the summer for a fruit Coolata.  Very yummy.

And each time I do, I am fascinated by the eclectic mix of people in there.  One of the reasons I believe their tag line to be so effective is because each location is its own little version of the American “melting pot.”   There are the construction workers getting a cup o’ joe before climbing into their trucks. There are the teenagers showing how cool they are by stopping in before heading to school. (At least I hope their next stop is school.)  There are the stay-at-home-moms who have brought a child or two in for a special treat.  There are the business-exec types swinging in for their daily grind, using their “frequent flyer” card.  There is the group of older, retired men, who are sitting in the corner, enjoying some coffee and shooting the breeze with no sense of urgency.  (I am jealous of them.)  There may be a family or a sales person who is happy to have found a place to stop while on the road.  And all of the “Real” people in this small bustling environment come in any shape, size, age, ethnicity and culture. The food, beverages and service is universal to all audiences. The same variety holds true for the people behind the counter.  In this economy, the workers are not necessarily all the traditionally-expected teenagers and college students.  There are plenty of older adults, from middle-age to retirees, who are hustling to make your coffee, coolata, or breakfast sandwich.

For some, this stop is daily, or at least frequent. For others like myself, it is a bit less often. Yet I can be assured of the same experience every time, and odds are good I’ll see someone I know standing in line.  Besides the casual older men in the corner, or the mom who’s trying to get her child to sit still while eating a jelly donut, the visits are very brief.  Stop in, get what you need, get out.  Since I’m not a coffee drinker, if I ever offer to pick one up for a friend or co-worker, I ask them to give me very specific instructions as to what to ask for.  Listening to others spout off their orders, and seeing the speed at which the counter person processes the information, can be intimidating. Heaven forbid if you hold up the line and the flow because you don’t know the answer to “Iced or Hot?  Skim or regular?  Turbo-shot?”

Someday I will be one of those Retirees, and I’ll sit in the corner, sip my cocoa and just enjoy the art of Dunkin’ Donuts people watching.  But for now, I’ll blend in with that mini melting pot, grab my order to go and try not to spill my coolata in the car.

Happy Friday.

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Familiar Yet Unknown

Posted on June 13, 2012 by Real Women

Tomorrow is my son’s last day of 5th grade.  It will be his last day at his current school, as next year he enters Middle School.  Don’t worry, I won’t be using this post for lamenting about how my baby is getting too old to quickly.  I’m sure I’ll cover that ground in other future posts.

Instead I’d like to turn our attention to important Real People in our lives who we don’t know very well.  This morning as my son got on the bus, I realized it is probably the last time he’ll ride with this particular bus driver. This driver has for 3 years now safely delivered my son to school each day…through the proverbial wind and rain, sleet and snow… and even around downed trees from a tornado this year.  And I started thinking about the other people who we may never even speak to, or know their names, and yet they play pretty important roles in daily our lives.  Is there a crossing guard who gets your child across the street safely each day?  How about your mail carrier, do you know his or her name?  Our mail carrier is Linda, she’s wonderful and leaves a biscuit for our dog every day in the box.  And then there’s the team that collects our trash and recyclables each week… I have no idea who they are or even what they look like.  If you think about your daily, weekly, or monthly routines, how many others are out there who make our lives easier or more pleasant?  Is there an ever-patient receptionist at the Vet who knows your pet by name? How about the server at the local coffee shop who remembers you like cream and two sugars?  Or a security guard at your place of work who waves every morning as he raises the gate for you to pass through?

These are all folks who make our lives easier, or more importantly, keep our children safe. We probably don’t pay them directly for their services. We may or may not know their names.  Our total conversations may only include a hello, a wave or a “have a nice day.”  But how about just once in a while we slow down and say thank you to them?  Wouldn’t it be a pleasant surprise to them to be acknowledged?

On a whim tonight I stopped and bought a thank you card and a gift card to the local coffee shop so tomorrow morning my son can give it to Fran the bus driver.  Inside the note I thanked him for safely driving my son, and his fellow students, every day for so many days, months, even years.  And I wished him a happy summer.   I hope it gives him a smile, and let’s him know that after approximately 480 days of me waving to him as he drove off to take my son to school, that I appreciate what he has done.

 

 

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“Hey, Hot Stuff!”

Posted on June 11, 2012 by Real Women

“A woman could look like Godzilla, but if she’s got blonde hair and a miniskirt, men start walking into walls.”   — Judy Tenuta

When I was in college, my girlfriends and I would know that it was officially Spring when we’d get whistles, shouts and horn honks when we walked down the main street to campus. The majority of the attention would mostly come from the town construction crews in their big orange trucks.

Back then we were young and beautiful, and attention like that could make us feel uneasy or embarrassed.  Several years ago, when I worked in the downtown area of a local city, we had one young attractive college intern who was, shall we say, well-endowed.  And she used to dread any time she had to make a delivery and walk to another building down main street… because even dressed conservatively, she could be sure she would be approached, get offers and blatant stares from any of the odd male critters that hung out on the city streets.

What has always astonished me is the ego, pride, or maybe just plain stupid bravery that the guys who act this way must have.  It NEVER is an attractive, normal, well-put together man who makes the comment.  It is the sketchy, freakish scruffy ones.  Do they honestly think they will have success?  Do they truly believe that a well-dressed, educated, clean Real Woman will stop in her tracks and say “hey, guy, you haven’t bathed in a week, probably live in your parent’s basement, and are missing teeth – I’m SO in!” ??

As we Real Women get older, and reach middle age, our attitudes towards this kind of behavior change…it becomes far more amusing to us.  Obviously, the regularity of getting any kind of comments or horn honks diminishes when we are no longer 20-something hotties.  And let’s be honest, ladies, if you DO get some sort of whistle or attention, it is a little bit of an ego boost.  There is a great old episode of King of Queens when Carrie gets whistled at by some construction workers. She comes home in a good mood, having had the encouragement that she’s “still got it.”  Her husband Doug then goes and bribes the crew to keep up with the cat-calls and whistles at his wife every day so he can benefit from her improved moods.  (This all goes well, of course, until she finds out he’s paying them off.)   So yes, some passing-by quick attention from a male stranger can give us a little extra bounce in our step.  However, where the humor factor sets in is when we realize it is no longer coming from some buff young construction worker…. more likely his father or grandfather.

The other day, I was turning the corner at an intersection, and received a “hey hot stuff!” call from a man in another car that was stopped at the light.  I glanced over and sure enough….all I noticed was white hair, scruffy beard, and my guess is he was at least 15 – 20 years my senior.  That 2-second boost of “I’ve still got it” shifted quickly to a “oh, great, now I appeal to the seniors in the world.”  I drove back to the office, laughing and shaking my head thinking about how the cat-callers don’t go away.  They just age, as do their targets… but their bravado never fails.

 

 

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Crazy about Coiffure

Posted on June 8, 2012 by Real Women

We Real Women have a very strong, personal, love-hate relationship with our hair. Our locks are a key element in our individuality – they help define our style, our personality, and can even affect our moods. (It can be hard to be Patty Positive during a Bad Hair Day.)  Ironically, we often long for what we don’t have. If we have straight hair, we wish it was wavy. If we have fine hair, we want thick.  And the color – oh, my, our desires here can change at any moment.

Most of us spend an embarrassingly large amount of time and money on our hair.  Between  salon appointments, styling products and tools and accessories, the Hair business is Big business.  Some Real Women (the brave minority of us) stick to simple styles and go with whatever color mother nature deems appropriate.  The majority of us find styles we like, don’t vary far from them, and enhance as needed – especially to mask grey strands.  And still others of us, the adventurous Real Women, find every opportunity to try dramatic style changes and color choices on a regular basis.

The enhancement opportunities are astounding. A hair stylist is happy to encourage us to try any manner of dyes, extensions, weaves, and even feather additions.  I’m just not that brave.  And speaking of stylists, when we find one we like and trust, we will be as loyal to them as we are to our spouses.  Our relationship with our hair expert may be one of the longest lasting in our lives.  Yes, as vain as it sounds, our hair is just that important to us.

Men’s hair is important to them too – but not to the same level as women.  Men find styles they are comfortable with and keep them.  Unfortunately, men over 40 tend to experience a wound to their ego and much angst over bald spots.  But that’s about the extent of their hair relationship. Ah, they are such simple creatures.

Other than a few unfortunate short ‘n funky experiments in the 80’s, I have worn my hair long for most of my life.  My mom used to say women over 40 should not have long hair.  Sorry, mom.   Because I wear it long, I can often go extended periods of time between cuts.  Today I finally went for a trim after almost 3 months…and even though the cut only took my stylist about half an hour, I felt like a new woman when I left the salon. Of course, the pro’s have that magic they can do during the styling process that makes you feel like a model when they are done.  I’ve often day dreamed about how amazing it would be to have a personal hair stylist to do my hair every morning.  Funny thing, my stylist turned down my offer to live in my closet and be available at a moment’s notice to make me look amazing.

I think the only time any of us might loosen our choke-hold on our personal hair fascination is if we just didn’t have any.  When my mom was battling cancer, she lost her hair.  Similarly, when one of my dearest soul-sister BFF’s went through her brave (and thankfully successful) battle against breast cancer, she lost her hair as well.  Sure, they both took advantage of wigs, scarves and hats, but what amazed me the most is that without their hair, we could fully appreciate their true beauty, strength and resilience – especially because the cruel factor was that they had to lose something so personally precious during their most awful times in their lives.  They could no longer “hide” under or behind their hair like the rest of us do every day – they were “outed” by this unforgiving illness.  And although I’m sure neither of them felt this way at the time, they both really did look beautiful in spite of it.   My mom’s hair did make a return appearance before her battle was lost, and I remember it came back super soft, wavy, and salt & pepper in color. I loved it.   And as for my BFF, every time I see her, her hair has gotten longer, more wavy and beautiful.   More proof to the fact that you just can’t keep a good woman, or her hair, down.

Perhaps our daily relationship and preoccupation with our hair is silly or vain.  Perhaps we have been late to work or appointments because we are struggling to make it look nice before leaving the house.  Perhaps we have spent money on highlights or a cut that really could have gone to something important like food.   But in the end, being happy with how we look gives us the confidence and courage to take on the world.  When we are having a really Good Hair Day, we are FABULOUS.  And there is nothing wrong with that.

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Rewards

Posted on June 6, 2012 by Real Women

One of the key activities when women have time together is, of course, shopping. Our men hate to shop, so when we Real Women get together, it is just a natural, and social, ritual.  At a recent meeting of BFF’s at my home, we were planning a day doing what we do best, and my husband walked in to the living room to see each of us sorting through our personal piles of coupons, special offers, and rewards cards.  I’m sure to him it looked like some foreign version of Poker.  The comments swirling around the room sounded a bit like this:  “I have two coupons for this shop, I’ll split them with you”; “I have points for discounts off at this store, let’s swing in there”; “oh, look, I found a gift card with a balance still on it”;  “you really must sign up for the frequent shopper card at this place, they give great points and discounts”;  “did I tell you I saved 60% on all my purchases using this card?”  and so on.  We were thumbing through our stacks as if we were dealing cards.   The conversation then turned to the best organizational methods we each had.  One carries all her coupons and cards in one envelope in her purse at all times. I, on the other hand, have a separate small wallet in my purse for rewards cards, and my coupons live in a certain place on my kitchen counter near the car keys to be grabbed when appropriate.

Rewards cards and coupons are now a common method of making transactions. Virtually every place I go uses them.  Ring up my purchases at CVS, and they ask for my card.  Go to lunch at Panera, they ask for my card and I wait expectantly to hear if I’ve earned a free drink or pastry.  Go shopping at Dress Barn and they ask if I have Daisy Dollars.   Keeping all of these cards and offers organized and up to date can be a part-time job in itself.  And yet the results really can be beneficial.

This got me to thinking…. Could there be benefits to having Rewards Cards for your personal and professional life as well?  How about at work…. Every time someone comes in to your office with a helpful solution and positive attitude rather than a complaint, they get an extra point on their card.  Earn enough points, and perhaps they earn a raise.   How about at home?  Your children do their chores in a timely manner with little fuss, they get extra points on their card.  Earn enough points, and they can either take a week off from chores, or earn a toy they’ve been wanting.  Your husband cooks dinner or fixes the faulty light fixture, and he gets extra points on his card.  And of course we all know what he wants to use HIS points for!  Depending on your mood, that could be a win-win scenario.

What I am really waiting for, of course, is the Rewards Card that not only gives me a few dollars off on a purchase, or a free lemonade…but one that truly rewards the busy Real Woman.  How about we get points for getting through our crazy days, being the over-achievers that we are, and then after we’ve accumulated a certain number of points, we are surprised with a free spa treatment. Or a weekend away.  Or a cleaning service to come and clean our bathrooms for a year.  I know if such a card existed, I’d quite literally never leave home without it.

 

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Escapes

Posted on June 3, 2012 by Real Women

I love my home, I really do.  I enjoy spending time here.  In the summer, we like to have weekend “staycations” by our pool.  But from time to time, I feel the pull to get away. I enjoy traveling, and the adventure of exploring new places.  Most of all, I enjoy and appreciate the “escapes from reality.”  In an earlier post, I proclaimed the virtues of having alone time and “me days”, which are vital to our personal sanity.  The getaways I’m talking about here are the ones we do with our immediate family members or close friends, and are just as important to our mental, emotional and even physical well-being.

Only by packing our bags and leaving the house and the immediate area do we truly take a break  from day-to-day responsibilities.  When we are away, we aren’t working, doing home chores, taking care of others, or even returning phone calls. We are simply, and vitally, enjoying time with each other, having fun, and relaxing.  Both my husband and son are more home-bodies than I am… and yet they too recognize the value of escapes (well, that is once I’ve actually gotten them out the door and on the road!).

These getaways don’t have to be extravagant 10-day vacations to foreign lands (as lovely as that sounds!).  Brief weekend breaks can be just as therapeutic.  This weekend my boys and I went camping in Vermont.  We were only a little over 3 hours from home.  But sitting by a campfire, hearing nothing but a babbling brook, the crackle of the fire and the rustle of the trees, we may as well have been a world away.  Our biggest decision that night was when to start making the s’mores.  Even our cell phones took most of the weekend off, as signals were sporadic at best.

We enjoyed amazing scenery, took lots of photos, explored a streambed, and when Mother Nature changed our plans for a bike ride, the three of us went to a matinee movie. I don’t remember the last time all three of us just spent a Saturday afternoon together seeing a fun movie.  Today before heading home we rode an antique Merry-Go-Round and ate decadent ice cream — each of us acting like big kids.

“Escapes from reality” put us back in touch with ourselves and each other. We realize we still like each other, and can have conversations without interruptions by the phone, TV and video games.  We are reminded of the important things in life (which aren’t things), and we get relaxed and energized at the same time.

Of course, returning home is always nice – to be back in familiar surroundings and our own beds is lovely.  Even better, I return home feeling more at peace, with great stories to tell, and a refreshed mind and body ready for re-entry into reality.

 

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Category Men

Posted on June 1, 2012 by Real Women

Ok, ladies.  It is Friday. You have made it through another busy week.  So let’s have a little fun with a post that is something the men in our lives probably won’t appreciate.  Sorry, guys.

At a dinner out with a couple of girlfriends, we got to talking about a topic that was at the time in the news:  plural marriages, polygamy, whatever you want to call it.  And as we were each having a drink at the time, we began to discuss why these arrangements were always one man and multiple women – not the other way around.

We agreed that the thought of having multiple husbands on one hand could be truly terrifying.  But as we continued the discussion of pro’s and con’s, we realized there could certainly be some benefits, especially if we were able to choose one man from each categorical age.  Since it is easy to imagine the con’s, allow me to share the list of pro’s we developed for each age range.

  1. The 20-something.  This young man in the house would truly be only good for two things.  His energy level for a quick and emotionless booty call, and because he’d look good mowing the lawn.  Yes, he’d be the Boy Toy.  We all agreed that it would be pointless to even carry on conversations with him, as we’d have nothing in common, and he probably wouldn’t be extremely intelligent.   As a matter of fact, might as well only communicate by texting.
  2. The 30-something.  Ah, yes, this category won the most points in the benefits list.  More mature than our first category, this man most likely would have a decent job, a decent salary, and yet is young enough to still have a lot of energy, be extremely attractive, and has been around enough to understand better what women want.  He would be the one to want to do fun activities like go on a hike with a picnic, then come back to the house for wild and exciting private play time.  Then he’d still have the energy to take out the trash.
  3. The 40-something.  Mature and still attractive, this is the man to have intelligent business discussions with, and the man to take the kids to their ball games.  Just beware – this is the age that can potentially head down the road of mid-life crisis or be completely overwhelmed with career, kids, and his own hair loss.  We have enough of our own issues with life balance, we don’t need to take on their lack of coping skills.  And truly, these men need to realize that if they still have their other benefits going for them, we really don’t care about their bald spot.
  4. The 50-something is like your loyal pet dog.  He thrives on routine, and is well trained to know what chores around the house are automatically his.  Often at the peak of his career with an eye towards retirement, he is too tired and uninterested to find another woman to put up with his quirks and issues.  So he will work hard to make you happy enough to stick around and take care of him.
  5. Over 60’s – The companion. This is the man to take you to a nice restaurant, to the Opera, or to the museum. He truly appreciates your intelligence, your quick wit, and your beauty.  When adding this category man to your collection, be sure to choose the one who has done will in his professional life so he has the expendable income to buy you trinkets and allow you to travel.

Of course, in this fantasy arrangement, all of the above would be attractive friendly men with great personalities and can make you laugh – like the “samples” I’ve included in this slideshow.  But just think of it – a category to fit each need and desire you may have at the moment, and when not on duty, the rest of the guys can have their own time off to watch sports or hang out in their Man Cave.  I think it is a win-win, don’t you?

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20-something

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