Worthy Adversaries

Posted on July 26, 2013 by Real Women

v t weed

One of the many summertime outdoor chores we Real Women tackle is weeding.  We put on our oldest, lightest-weight clothes, attach our ever-so-ugly gardening hats to our heads, strap on our dirt-encrusted gloves and we launch our assault on yard intruders.

When we are done, we wipe the sweat from our brow, stretch our aching backs, look longingly forward to a shower, plan to get more mulch as a way of prevention, and smile and gaze at our beautiful weed-free environment.  Yet, we swear that if we listen closely to the discarded rubble in the wheel barrow, we’d hear very tiny Arnie impersonators saying “we’ll be back….”

At least once a week I’m out there fighting the good fight. Some days I’m limited for time, so I’m attempting to pluck up the worst and most showy weeds.  Some weekends, I can spend a whole afternoon doing a substantial clean up.  And as much as I feel it is a never-ending battle of me against them, I have to pause and admire them as a worthy adversaries.  Here’s why:

  • Weeds are Tenacious.  As soon as we pluck a little green beast from its home, the weed will seemingly say “fine, you pulled me out, so I’m coming back next week and I’m bringing three of my friends.”   Weeds don’t give up easily. And they multiply faster than the proverbial rabbit.
  • Weeds are Brave.  I have weeds in my lawn, in my garden, in the cracks of my sidewalk and driveway, and coming up through stones.   Even though they know they could get plucked, cut, or run over, the bold buggers pop up where ever they want to, with an “I dare you” swagger.
  • Weeds are Strong.  Unless you are able to pull a weed up by its roots, you haven’t even come close to slowing it down.  Break off a few leaves, and the plant is not daunted.  And adverse conditions mean nothing to them.  We spend hours of labor and plenty of money in order to pamper the rest of our plants, putting them in just the right conditions, pruning off deadheads, feeding them Miracle Grow, making sure they have enough, but not too much water and daylight. Heck, we might even talk to them.  But weeds?  They don’t need any sissy pampering.  Baking desert-like sun? Bring it on.  Flooding rain?  Fine and dandy.  Ignore it or sneer at it?  Even better.
  • Weeds are Proud.  For the most part, weeds are not traditionally pretty.  But they have no issues with self-esteem…there they are, growing right up literally among the roses and daisies, showing off like the best of ‘em, saying “look at me!”.  In our area, we have a lot of Crab Grass.  It is courser, wider and thicker than the rest of the grass in the lawn – it even is a different color green.  Yet oh, boy, is it proud. So proud that it will happily take over the entire lawn and anything else in its path. It can grow apparently anywhere, and faster than anything else.  That weed has ‘tude.

When my son was young, we used to watch quite a few Veggie Tales videos. (ah, how I miss cuddling up to watch cute creative shows with nice messaging… but I digress..).  One of the episodes we enjoyed was the Rumor Weed.  I remember one of the best lines was when one of the Veggie Tales characters said “eeww, you’re a weed!”  and the weed replied “I’m a weed, you’re a talking carrot, and your point is?”   And I just loved the matter-of-fact “yup, I exist and I’m just as good as you” attitude.

So this weekend will I go easier on the gangly green pests?  Nope.  I plan to still show no mercy, because I would rather have cultivated flowers and plants in my garden, not rampant weeds.  Yet, as I dig out the most tenacious, brave, proud specimens, maybe I’ll take each one as a small life lesson.  If they can exhibit that much strength, perhaps so can I.

 

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Friend, Not Foe

Posted on July 23, 2013 by Real Women

treatsAs a general rule, I am a fairly healthy eater.  I eat a lot of fresh fruit, salads, and try to make well-rounded nutritious dinners for my family.   I regularly buy the low-fat or no-fat versions of ingredients on the store shelves.  I pack my lunch most days to avoid eating large, more fattening options at local restaurants.

However, my will power is limited.  I occasionally enjoy fun bad-for-me foods.  And I was born with a very robust sweet tooth — chocolate and I are in a long-term, committed relationship.   Like most Real Women, I try to find some kind of balance between doing the right thing by staying on some sort of diet to attempt to beat back the ravages of an aging, plummeting metabolism, and indulging in treats and comfort food.  When I do have the chance to eat out, I struggle over the menu, trying to decide on the “My Body is My Temple” fare vs. the “Life is Short, Whoopee” options – and often land somewhere in between.

I read a recent article in a “health” magazine about a female celebrity who declared that each morning her breakfast consists of hot water.  That’s it.  Hot water. Are you kidding me?  For heaven’s sake, WHY?   I have learned over the years that there are some things that just aren’t worth the personal arguments and battles.  I will just be setting myself up for disappointment if I really believe I can be a 100% good girl with my caloric intake.  It just isn’t in me.  The best I can hope for is to get through most days behaving about 80% of the time.

One of those wars I no longer care to wage is with my after dinner sweet treat.  After I have made a healthy dinner, and I’ve done the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen, finished my evening chores, and am finding that little niche of time to either settle in for some TV time or to read a few pages of a book or magazine, I can hear them calling:  My old friends. My comfort.  My “you made it through another busy day, you deserve me” temptresses.

Allow me to present to you my evening companions….my dear chocolate-themed associates whom nicely offer themselves up to me to choose from virtually every night.

  1. The Oreo.  Someone recently described this traditional treat to me as “quite possibly the perfect food.”  What’s not to love about this beloved “wonderfilled” culinary delight ?  Crispy chocolate cookie, white fluffy sugar as the glue, and the friendly stamped décor.  I could only hope that I last in popularity and coolness for over 100 years like the Oreo has.  Twist it, crunch it, dunk it….no matter your preference, a couple of these happy souls give you the “aaahhhh” you need at the end of the day.  BTW, the friendly folks at Oreo have nicely filled the store shelves with a plethora of new flavors, different quantities of stuffing, and even offer a reduced fat version.  I tried sneaking the low fat version into my house once. It was the only time the package lasted on the shelf for many weeks.  Really, why bother mess with perfection to save 10 grams of fat?
  2. The Chocolate Covered Graham.  This one speaks directly to my childhood. If I was a good girl, my mom would bring a package of these home from her grocery shopping expedition as a special treat.  The perfect blend of crunch and smooth coating, not too over-the-top sweet, I was in heaven.  To this day these little perfectly-formed rectangles are one of my go-to comfort foods. I don’t often have them in my house, but when I do, each bite is a trip down memory lane.
  3. Mmmmmm M & M’s.   Another fabulous combination of tradition and novelty. There are so many to choose from now, starting with the traditional milk chocolate to dark chocolate to peanut butter to pretzel.   It is hard to be depressed when holding a handful of these colorful dots in your hand.  And they are easier to savor too…. Eat one at a time to make that handful last as long as possible.  Heck, I can make a small handful of them last almost through a whole set of commercials!

I am well aware that there is not one healthy ingredient in any of these treats.  So I do exercise moderation.  As much as I may want to on some nights, I don’t sit down and wallow my way through half a package.  Mostly because I don’t want to feel sick to my stomach and ruin a good thing… and I know I’d feel like a whale the following morning.

So they aren’t good for me from a nutritional standpoint. But isn’t there something to be said for the comfort, the de-stressing, the relaxation and rejuvenation and the simple joy they can provide?   Just look at them – they even LOOK happy.

I do know that some of you R.W’s out there actually don’t care for chocolate, or egads, even worse, are allergic to it.  No worries… there are plenty of other wonderful options out there in this big treat-filled world.

And so I believe it is time we stop denying the power of a simple pleasure to improve our state of minds and emotional balance.  Have you embraced your treat today?

 

 

 

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Wanted: Super Powers

Posted on July 17, 2013 by Real Women

supermomMy husband has to occasionally go out of town for business.  Not often, but every few months or so.  And no matter how many times it happens, I still for some reason lull myself into the false belief that while he is away, I will have all sorts of time on my hands to get things done.  I imagine that I’ll start home projects, get the gardens weeded, have time to lounge and read, or watch chick flicks.

Then reality sets in.  And I realize that for those couple of days or so, or however long his business trip is, I am in a sense a single mom to my son and our dog.  I’m also attempting to do basic maintenance of the household, yard and pool.   Sure, I’m making quicker and easier dinners (my teenager is perfectly happy with hot dogs or pizza while I have a salad), but the time I save there is taken up with things like watering the outdoor plants, skimming the pool, taking care of recyclables, helping my son with technology issues…. All those projects that are usually “hubby jobs” in my house.  And I forgot about the parent-taxi responsibilities for a busy teen.  Today, for example, between my job and his summer activities, I realized I had pulled in and out of my driveway five times.  That isn’t counting the exiting and entering under my own power when I went for a bike ride and took the dog for a walk. Normally at least one or two of those trips would have been handled by his dad.

Then add in the usual stuff, like paying bills, making phone calls, doing a load of wash, cleaning up the kitchen, etc., and soon my grandiose ideas of having extra time to work on my book, or watch a movie, or even sit and do my nails have drifted out the window.   And I am left wondering how single parents, especially those with several children, manage to do it all.  They must have super-human abilities….either like The Flash, they can get it all done quicker, or like Jeannie from I Dream of Jeannie, they merely need to blink to make things happen.

Why is it that we Real Women think we can take on the world?  Why do we think we can fit 36 hours worth of activities into 12?  Rationally, I know there are only a few hours after work that are available…after all, I do need to sleep at some point.  And yet, I seem to have no problem with creating a to do list that should take a month, let alone one evening.  I apparently believe I have super powers….until, at the end of the night, when I’m moving slowly and can barely keep my eyes open, I have to face the fact that I am….sigh….human after all.

So in the end, I’ll do what I can.  I’ll be proud of getting one load of laundry done instead of three.  I’ll be happy that I watered some of the plants and kept them from dying on my watch.  I can rest easy knowing my son made it to all of his activities and even got fed in the process.  And when hubby gets home, I will be glad to let him take back his chores, and I’ll make him a nice welcome home dinner so he doesn’t notice that I don’t have a Super Woman cape, and I didn’t get anything else accomplished in his absence.  And the next time I see one of my single mom R.W.’s, I’ll give her an extra hug.

 

 

 

 

 

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Articles of Reality

Posted on July 14, 2013 by Real Women

magazines

 

This month, after a quick review of the magazine stand at the local bookstore, I saw a plethora of redundant articles and stories being offered:

  • The Hidden Message of Style
  • Secrets of Women with Gorgeous Hair
  • Your Flat Belly Day
  • Make Your Home a Health Retreat
  • Break Your Bad Habits
  • Easy Party Ideas
  • The New 40

Ah, yes.  Pick up any of these magazines and instantly find out how to look better, gain intelligence, be healthier, and become the best hostess and friend ever.  Oy.

Some day, after I’ve either convinced that sneaky Leprechaun to give me his pot of gold, or I’ve met a successful publisher who wants to see the light, I have faith that I can start a magazine based on what we really want, or need, to share.   As I’ve said before, I believe it would be so refreshing to have a truthful, honest look at Real Women and topics we can actually relate to.

Here are a few topics I’d propose for this month:

  • Save Your Money – Wrinkles are a Fact of Life

We’ve all seen the before & after images of expensive creams and lotions that will take years off your life.  Am I the only one who can’t tell the difference between the photos?  Wrinkles happen.  Don’t waste hundreds of dollars on the next miracle goo.  Put the money instead towards a great hair cut or color; something someone really will notice.

  • Doomed to wear pee pee pads

As a girl, I used to giggle when my mom would cross her legs before she sneezed.  Now I get it.  And I hate it.  Gone are the days of freedom around belly laughs, sneezing, coughing or even exercising.  Let’s vent.

  • Dismantling Mannequins – the Quickest Way to Get Assistance in a Department Store

Is it some sort of Murphy’s law that you’ll find the perfect outfit on the rack only to determine your size is not there?  You then must convince yourself you don’t want it, or try to find it at another store, or attempt to wrestle it off the mannequin since the headless girl is wearing your size.  I have unscientific recent proof that when one tries to undress a mannequin, the results can be similar to getting oneself stuck in a size too small in the dressing room.  However, mannequins have removeable arms. How handy.  Yet store associates apparently frown upon customers taking this initiative.  Who knew.

  • 24 Hours to Wallow

Having a crappy day?  You officially have 24 hours to wallow in self-pity and misery.  We all need this sometimes. Then pull up your big girl pants and move on.

  • Humidity Hair – Frizz is In

When the temperature is in the 90’s and the humidity is over 70%, there is not enough hair product in the world to provide you with a good hair day for more than 20 minutes.  Don’t fight it.  Embrace the frizz.

  • Wait, why did I?

The remarkable transformation from being young and smart to reaching that point where in the distance between the recipe on your kitchen counter and the refrigerator, you forget what the ingredient is that you need.  Don’t worry, you’ll remember it after you go into the other room and forget why.

  • Say Good-Bye to the Flat Tummy

You are over 40.  You’ve had children.  No amount of exercise will ever give you the perfectly flat abdomen of a teenager.  Say goodbye to the bikini, and make friends with your muffin top.

  • You Are Your Age

Enough with the “50 is the New 40” thing.  Because you can only go so far with that.  You could look great in your 40’s, but you’ll never again look like you are 20.   The best you can do is to look your age and not 20 years older.  Be proud of that.

  • Parties Made Easy

Don’t attempt to be Martha Stewart.  She has gobs of money and a staff to arrange her parties.  With the right snacks, yummy drinks and the perfect blend of BFF’s, no one is going to care that your paper plates don’t match.

Real Women.  Real life.  On newstands some day.   Have faith and carry on – we all Rock.

 

 

 

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Going Home Again

Posted on July 7, 2013 by Real Women

I did it.  We had the weekend available, I hadn’t done it before, my husband was kindly willing to accompany me, and I could tie in a visit to see my brother, so I thought why not.

I attended my 30th High School Reunion.

30 years. Dear God, how  could that even be possible?  Was it really that long ago?  Could I really be that old now?  A week ago I dug out my yearbook and browsed the pages, reliving some moments and refreshing my memory of some faces.  At the time, I wondered how much we have all changed, would I recognize people, would it be awkward or fun?Class of 83

I’m now happy to report that it was indeed fun.  Perhaps a bit weird, but fun.  Although we travel back to the general vicinity fairly regularly to visit family and friends, I haven’t really been back to my hometown to explore and roam around in years.  So my husband and I arrived a bit early to do just that.  My childhood home looked wonderful, I was thrilled to see the same family name on the mailbox to whom we had sold it to so long ago, and they have maintained it beautifully.  Certain areas of town looked exactly the same, as if frozen in time, while other areas had greatly changed.  We drove up one familiar hill to see not a big field, but a Vineyard.  A Vineyard, really?  Who knew?  Many old homes along the lake have been replaced by high-end modern estates.  Yet the High School looked much the same from the outside, the old gift shop still sold trademark gifts, and the parks and historic homes and Inns were all exactly as I remembered them.

From there we headed into one of the historic landmarks of town to step into the time-machine and go see my classmates.   When I said it was a bit weird, I don’t mean that in a bad way, really.  Besides a handful of friends I’ve stayed in contact with, the rest of the folks in the room I had literally not seen in 30 years.  It was “weird” to see us all as middle-aged grown-ups. We tend to picture people in our heads the way we saw them last…in this case, as goofy 18-year olds.  We laughed a bit about being “old”, but really everyone looked great.   The women had changed the least – it was pretty easy to recognize each other.  The men, however, I think had changed the most.  Perhaps that is because, as my mom always said, boys take “longer to gel” into maturity.  Or, more likely it is because there was a decided lack of hair on most of their heads.  I was glad for name tags.  Although it was nice to hear a couple of folks say to me “I knew it was you without even looking at your name tag.”

As expected, the groups/cliques are long gone.  It was fun and somehow comforting that we all seem to be alike now.  Sure, we’ve all had different life experiences over the past three decades, but we are now at similar points in our lives with much the same values.  I have to say that I was surprised at myself, because I had unintentionally carried in with me a wariness, a bit of anxiousness, which completely disappeared after the first joyous hug with someone who was a childhood friend.

Later that evening after we left, and into the next morning, as I was replaying the experience in my head, I came to an interesting realization.  Very little of the conversations I had with any of the group had to do with our careers or jobs.  I can’t tell you what more than a handful of them do for a living.  What I could tell you now, however, are which ones moved away, which ones stayed local or moved back over time, who is still a runner, who still loves to sail, the ages and stages of  various children, who’s building a new house, who has traveled to Europe, who’s parents are still alive, where their siblings are, and who is still in touch with others that didn’t make it to the party.  And of course, there were plenty of funny stories of the old days.  But at this gathering, we were not identified by “what do you do?”.   I believe that is because we never knew each other as adult professional working people.  We knew each other as friends, students, cohorts….by our personalities, our interests – more who we were, not what we were.   And that was immensely refreshing.

Of course, there was also the touch of harsh reality in remembering the few from our class who we have lost, taken from this life far too early.  In the carefree days of high school, we have that youthful belief we’ll live forever and our friends will be with us until we are old and grey.  Unfortunately, that is not always the case… so we are reminded that we need to treasure our memories and never take each other for granted.

As we traveled back to my current home, I can reflect and say that I’m glad that I attended the event.  Will I see these folks again soon?  Not likely.  However, thanks to the miracles of social media, perhaps I’ll stay in touch better with a few after reconnecting.  But more importantly, I feel good from having had a glimpse back into my past, spent some fun time with very Real people and have been inspired by the welcoming embraces of old friends.

So here is my Real Woman Tip of the day:  Fear not Reunions.  Allow yourself to experience them.  You too may be pleasantly surprised.

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Bonus Points

Posted on June 30, 2013 by Real Women

Ahhhh… The weekend.  A blissful respite from the work week, a time to relax, sleep in, and recharge.  Unless, of course you are a Real Women. In which case the weekend can be translated into “Two Days to Get Everything Done That I Couldn’t Fit Into the Rest of The Week.”

weekend pointsThere are household chores like cleaning, laundry, ironing, and grocery shopping; then yard work, social happenings, errands, child activities, transportation, and more… that’s a lot to ask of a mere 48 hours.  In the summer, this list is multiplied tenfold.  The amount of yard work, for example, seems never-ending; in the winter we are simply trying to clear ice and snow. But in the summer, the lawn needs to be mowed, gardens tended, weeds pulled, pools maintained.   And our social calendars seem to be far busier during these warm months as well.  It is more fun to get out and about, with more activities like beach time, pool time, boating, sports, bbq’s, getting together with friends, and of course travel.

And so it is that our weekends get jam-packed.  If we take a full weekend off just for fun, we end up paying for it later, as all those chores and maintenance activities don’t just go away due to neglect.  So our next available weekend for “catch-up” is a whirl-wind game of Beat the Clock, after which our backs are aching.  We start to get pretty creative about getting it all done.  Instead of a sparkling clean spotless home, I will often settle for “Good Enough.”  I will make use of “off” hours, doing a load of laundry at 6:30am before work, or vacuuming at 9:30 on a Saturday night (what can I say, I’m that kind of wild woman).  And I will start bartering with my son for higher allowance in payment for additional chores.

Of course, we Real Women are blessed to have these “first world problems.”  I am thankful every day that I have family and friends to keep me socially busy. I am blessed to have a home to clean, an income so I can run errands, and my health to stay active.  I don’t know any Real Woman who is not thankful for what they have.  So yes, we are appreciative. But we are also exhausted.

At times we can grow frustrated, asking why we bother – after all, the house will get dirty again, the dog will shed his fur again, the weeds will grow back, and more meals will have to be prepared.  But unless we want to end up starring in a bad cable tv reality show, we do what we have to do.

This weekend, as I was dashing around the house doing my Good Enough Cleaning, I took an extra step and stopped to wipe down the ceiling fan in our kitchen.  As I was standing on the chair and looking at horror at the filth coming off the rag, I thought “I should get extra points for this.”   And that is when inspiration struck.

Extra points, or reward systems, work well with children, employers, and certainly Retail establishments.  How many of us carry around a stack of Rewards Cards in our purses for “valuable” points at our favorite stores?  Well, what if we had a Real Woman Points Card?  Whenever we go a bit above and beyond the norm during our weekend challenge, we would gain extra points that can later be redeemed for lovely little perks…. Things like going to bed early with a good book.  Getting a pedicure.  Having a day off from being the family chauffer.  Going out for dinner.  Buying a great new pair of shoes.  Your rewards, your choice.

I would envision the points system working something like this:  Clean the ceiling fan or vacuum behind the sofa = 10 points.  Get the grocery shopping done in under an hour = 25 points. Fit in a visit to an aging, ill, or handicapped family or friend =30 points.  Take your child to 3 different sporting/extra-curricular activities and actually stay at one long enough to cheer him on or assist with coaching = 50 points.  Weed three gardens in one afternoon without getting heat stroke = 75 points (a higher level of points for this one, because if you were to get heat stroke and end up in the hospital, you would then render yourself useless for completing your other chores).  Fit in at least 3 fun family activities and still get at least 80% of your chores completed = 80 points.  Manage an emergency visit to the vet or child’s walk-in clinic and conduct yourself as strong nursemaid without losing it = 90 points.  Get everything on your list done, and still manage to make a home-cooked dinner AND have enough energy for nooky with your husband at bedime = priceless.

You get the picture.  We are Weekend Warriors – don’t we deserve to earn some bonus points?

Tell me, how many points can you give yourself tonight, and what will be your reward?

 

 

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Peace and Comfort in the Familiar

Posted on June 23, 2013 by Real Women

fieldI grew up in the country. Not big-sky-Montana-3-hours-from-the-nearest-town kind of country, but in farmland country, where there are no lines on the roads and a “next door neighbor” means you can see their house through the trees and can bike or walk to them in under 15 minutes.  We weren’t a farming family, but many of our friends and neighbors were.  (An interesting life lesson is being a young teen babysitter and having to determine what to do with two toddlers when you find out the family’s dairy cows have gotten loose and need corralling.)

Our family vacations usually were spent camping and visiting state parks, Audubon sanctuaries and zoos.  My mother was an avid bird watcher and naturalist.  We owned a day camp even further in the country with no modern plumbing – and I loved it there.  I would spend hours as a young girl taking walks through the fields and woods near our house, or on the country roads in our “neighborhood”.  (A “block” was probably 3 miles.)  Clearly, I wasn’t the kind of kid who was dying to escape country life.

Since my youth, I have lived in various less-rural environments.  I have learned to appreciate, and rely on, the convenience of being just minutes from the nearest doctor or grocery store.  Some of my favorite vacations are now not in a camper, but in a nice hotel near an ocean where I can walk on the beach.  I thoroughly enjoy traveling to cities like New York or Boston to take advantage of the myriad of attractions and services there.   And yet, more often than not, I come away thinking “so very nice to visit, but I could never live there.”

“Never” is of course a strong term. As Real Women, we are immensely adaptable, and can mold ourselves and our lifestyles to fit virtually any environment we end up calling home.  Some of us have a strong desire for a different type of lifestyle, and find whatever it is that makes us happy.   Some of us make pretty drastic changes between childhood and adulthood and end up in far different worlds than that from which we came.

But I believe the majority of us feel the most comfortable with something similar to what we grew up experiencing.  When I think of many of my BFFs, their homes they own as “grown ups” often bear a striking resemblance to those they had as kids.  Those that lived a bit more of a city life tend to find nature icky, and are far more comfortable a distance from it.   They are most relaxed when they can hear and see the sounds of others near by, cars passing on the street, more hustle and bustle than spring peepers and crickets.  Others are best suited to quaint villages and neighborhoods.

I currently have what I consider the best of both worlds.  I am minutes away from retail and services, have a short commute, and neighbors near enough to be good friends.  Yet less than a quarter of a mile down my road is farmland.

One of the best things about the summer months is that it is light late enough that I can take my dog for a walk after dinner, when the heat of the day has faded and a nice breeze has kicked in.  The other night I walked down the road, and as my dog was sniffing his way into the tall grass, I just stood and looked at the fields, surrounded by woods, felt the breeze on my face, listened to the birds, and felt… at peace.  This is familiar.  This is comfort.

We can change. We can adapt. We can be happy.  Yet in our core, there is something that knows when it feels right, when we feel like we are home.  And when we find it, we can find peace and strength.

And that is truly a beautiful thing.

 

 

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Miles of Moments

Posted on June 18, 2013 by Real Women

stepping-stones“Life isn’t a matter of milestones, but of moments.”  – Rose Kennedy

My son finished his first year in Middle School today. Tomorrow he turns 13. The next day, my husband and I will commemorate our 15th wedding anniversary.  In two weeks, I’m due to attend my 30th High School Reunion.  And yes, for those quick mathematicians out there, you are right, that means that I have a big milestone birthday looming in a couple of years.   Yes, it is still a couple of years away, but I feel it sitting there waiting for me, an ominous and unwelcome beast luring me into another decade.  I’m reminded of that great line in the movie When Harry Met Sally, where Sally is having a full-blown meltdown, and sobs “I’m going to be 40!”  Harry asks “when?”  and she replies “Someday!”

Milestones are funny things. When we are young, like my son, they are exciting and we look forward to them eagerly.  He has so many big moments to look forward to… his first date, first girlfriend, moving on to High School, turning 16, learning to drive, turning 18 and being able to vote, going to College….  When we are young, we want time to go quickly so we can jump into that next cool event or stage in our lives, and celebrate with abandon, eagerly anticipating the future ahead of us.

When we reach our mid-life stage, milestones are certainly something to be celebrated – but they are bittersweet.  Now we want time to slow down – even pausing from time to time would be the best – so we can savor each moment.  For years I’ve wanted time to slow down so I could linger and enjoy my little boy – the one who is now becoming a teenager.  Like any Real Woman, I’ve wanted time to slow down to enjoy my own youth, and not see the years tick by in the mirror.  And now, with each milestone, I think we naturally start to take inventory.  Am I where I imagined I’d be, or wanted to be, at this stage in my life?  Have I done what I wanted to do professionally and personally?  What do I still want and need to do?

I can say with complete honesty that I’ve so far had a pretty darn amazing life.  I have had some great experiences, good health, have a wonderful family, incredible friends, a home I love and enough money to put food on the table and pay bills.  It hasn’t been peaches and cream every step of the way, but I do believe each milestone I’ve crossed so far has happened for good reasons.  But I’m not done yet – there is still so much I want to do, places I want to see.  So I better get busy.

Perhaps I’m feeling a bit more anxious about upcoming milestones because in the wee hours of the morning today, I had a bizarre nightmare that I had received bad news about my health.  I’m reasonably confident this was only a bad dream, since I just passed my annual physical with flying colors. My husband has wisely pointed out that I’ve had too much on my mind and have been having anxiety dreams.  He’s probably correct, along with the fact it is PMS time and we all know how wacky we can get.

However, after some thought, I’m going to take my disconcerting dream as a message learned – life is short…. It’s time to work on my bucket list and get busy planning my next set of goals.  As the old song says, “I gotta lotta livin’ to do.”   I’m going to start by joining my son with his next step — by organizing a wicked cool birthday pool party for him.  What better way to relive the excitement of the future, than through the eyes of our kids?

My new motto:  Less trepidation, more celebration.

 

 

 

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A Curse or a Blessing?

Posted on June 13, 2013 by Real Women

techThere is no escaping technology.  We are living in a world where screens of all sorts are in front of us nearly constantly.   Many of us spend of our work days in front of a computer.  We carry Smart Phones in our pockets, Tablets in our hands, and at home we have Laptops and TVs clamoring for attention.

There are certainly days when I want to run screaming from this constant stream of “being on”…. And I do escape – on a bike ride, to walk the dog, do some gardening, or settle down to read a book.  (The real paper kind, not the Kindle kind).   For our children, screen time seems even more alluring.  There is a whole generation growing up as the “3 screen generation” – meaning they have a minimum of 3 forms of technology in front of them at all times, often being viewed/accessed simultaneously.

Honestly, I believe screen time to be a form of addiction for many of our kids.   Every few months we have to have a discussion with our son because he has slipped back into being “sucked in”, where he is spending literally hours either in front of his computer playing games, watching videos on his iPad or playing his home gaming system.   After our discussions, he realizes he’s been too absorbed and actually feels guilty – like he hasn’t even realized how bad he’s been with it.  He takes corrective measures and all is better – for a while.  It actually seems like children’s imaginations have not disappeared, but have been altered.  Instead of making up games to play outside, they can carry on extensive theories and ideas about alternative universes and characters.   They seem to have lost much of the ability to find “hobbies” that don’t involve technology, and need to be taught how to have non-screen fun.  Their worlds seem to exist for screens and sports…not much else.

And of course I could fill pages of blog space discussing Social Media and the effects that phenomena has had on our culture.  But I won’t do that, as there are a gazillion others already analyzing it.  I will mention one related term, however, that now is often met with disdain:  Texting.  Immediately images of teens hanging out with each other and texting rather than talking leap to mind; or the evils of cyber-bulling fill us with fear — or worse yet, the horrifying consequences of Texting and Driving.   Yes, the world has changed, and one could start to believe in some ways not for the better.

And yet – (you knew I’d have a “yet”…) —  Without this world of screens, I wouldn’t have such an easy outlet for sharing my writing in the world of blogs.  I’d be less efficient at work – for example, I would still be creating marketing plans with a typewriter and gobs of correction tape.  I’d be spending far more time, and gas, shopping for birthdays and holidays…. Rather than taking care of half my son’s wish list in 15 minutes by reaching out to my friends at Amazon.

I was a fairly late Smart Phone Bloomer.  I didn’t think I needed one…after all, I had a Laptop.  Then I took the plunge, and it was love at first click.  To literally have access to the world in the palm of your hand is heady stuff.  And texting?  Oh yes, I’ve grown to love it.   And here’s why…. A text from another Real Woman BFF in the morning about our issues in figuring out to wear, or commiserating over feeling dowdy, can give me the laugh I need to start my day.  Sending my husband a photo of our dog waiting patiently for him to come home can possibly give him a smile at the end of a long day.  Even better is when I’ll get an unexpected text from a nephew who lives 4 hours away just because he happened to be thinking about his aunt and wanted to share something funny, or my Stepson in Florida will Face Time us to show us how his toddler son is starting to walk….it doesn’t get much better than that.

Just a few minutes ago, my son was playing a new song for me that his guitar teacher assigned to him tonight.  He is unfamiliar with the song, so after he did his best to sight read it, I went to my laptop and in 30 seconds, the Everly Brothers were singing “All I Have to Do Is Dream” for us both.  Pretty amazing.

A curse?   Sometimes.  A blessing?  Perhaps.  As with all things that absorb us and take our attention, the key lies in moderation.   As long as every now and then, we pick up a pen and paper and send someone a real letter, or get together in person to talk, laugh and connect, and we get out to breathe fresh air and exercise away from screens, I think we’ll be ok.

The other morning I was driving to work after 3 days of rain. The bad weather had pushed out and left behind one of those rare bright crystal clear days where the air is impossibly fresh and clean and all of the colors around us were vibrant… and I thought “this is a high-definition kind of day”.  The best kind to have.  As long as we still recognize and appreciate that, then we can rest easy knowing that screens will never completely replace the blessings of reality.

 

hi def day

 

 

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