Speed Meal Support Groups

Posted on February 26, 2013 by Real Women

My confession:  I’m a culinary cheater.

Not all the time.  Just sometimes.  Well, ok, pretty often.

Let me explain.

I take some pride in preparing dinner at home virtually every night.  Sounds fairly noble and impressive, right?  Well….a whole ‘lotta those meals are far from gourmet masterpieces. Actually, not even close to fancy. The majority of them have fewer than 5 ingredients and take under half an hour to prepare.

We Real Women are busy ladies.  When I’m getting home late, and exhaustion is seeping into my veins, there is limited chance I’m going to cook what I’d call a “real meal.”  Besides, we’d like to eat earlier than midnight.  Luckily my husband and son are just so happy that I’ll do the cooking that they will accept pretty much whatever I put together.  They are my guinea pigs for new recipes, and my bargain-basement-consumers of Speed Meals.

There are times when I will be on a stretch of Speed Meals.  (Warning, those with easily queasy stomachs may wish to skip ahead at this point).  Recently I served up such culinary delights as pizza made with Pillsbury dough crust, followed by pork chops coated with Shake ‘n Bake (yes, they still make that!), followed by club sandwiches (otherwise known as turkey sandwiches on toast with bacon),  then sloppy joes… and then tonight I quick fried up some shrimp and pieces of chicken, tossed in some veggies, threw it over Spanish rice and voila – pseudo jambalaya.
focacciaWhen I get on these rolls of Speed Meals, I start to feel a bit guilty and decide I need to redeem myself by making a “real meal” on a weekend.  This past weekend I made a bean soup (the kind that simmers on the stove for 3 hours) and focaccia bread. My husband was so enamored with it, he said “this is so good, it is like cake-bread.”  Huh… ok, I guess it had been a while since something special came out of the kitchen.   I used to wonder if my mom was watching me from heaven and shaking her head at some of the quick concoctions I was throwing together.  Then I remembered some of the Speed Meals we had as kids.  How about corned beef hash out of the can, or my brother’s and my favorite, creamed corn with hot dogs cut up in it?  Yup, I learned from the best of ‘em.

I don’t think I’m alone in the need to provide Speed Meals for my family.  That’s why I think we need to create support groups for those of us who are brave enough to admit to being Culinary Cheaters.  We need a safe haven where we can admit to the good, the bad, and the ugly of our dinners.  Where we can pat each other on the back and say “that’s ok, meal time isn’t really about the food.”  I can picture it now:  I’ll stand up among a circle of other Real Women and say “Hi. My name is Marjorie. I served my family scrambled eggs for dinner last night. “

Come on, let’s show each other the support we need. Who’s with me?

 

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Under Construction

Posted on February 23, 2013 by Real Women

DIY
Like many real families, we are do-it-yourselfers.  Correction, my husband is a DIY-er.  I’m his sometimes assistant.

We are lucky that he has the skills and the desire to take on the majority of our home, vehicle and yard maintenance and repairs.  Sure, there are some things that are best left to the licensed professionals, but for the most part, we can take care of projects ourselves.  I’m sure over the years we have saved thousands of dollars by being DIY’ers, and we’ve been able to do things the way we want to do them.

However, experience has shown that there are some -shall we say politely- “challenges” in doing home projects ourselves.  Those challenges have taught me a few important rules to remember:

  1. It Won’t be Perfect – No matter how hard we try, we are amateurs.  We may have the attitudes of perfectionists, but try as we might we aren’t pro’s, and there will be mistakes or imperfections.  The way I see it, if anyone is in my house and looking so closely at my trim work to see blemishes, then they better be close enough family or friends to not care.
  2. It is Expensive – Yes, we save a lot of money on labor, and we can bargain hunt and be creative in finding materials. But there is still an outlay of cash or credit, and we can count on our preliminary budget always increasing as unexpected “challenges” pop up along the way.
  3. It Won’t Happen Quickly – DIY projects are not speedy.  When we hire a pro, that person can step in and knock out the task in a couple days.  When we are working on it ourselves, we are not only frequently learning as we go along, but we are fitting it in after work in the evenings, on weekends, and around the rest of life.  Setting deadlines for completion is just silly.
  4. It is Messy – Let’s face it, living and working in the same space causes clutter, dust, dirt and general mess.  This is not a time to try to be neat and tidy.
  5. It Will Get Ugly Before it Gets Pretty –  I’m not talking about the physical mess… I’m talking about how we think it is a nifty idea to put a married couple in a confined space, to work side by side, with all of the above challenges, add in limited time, differing opinions, and unexpected issues – and it can be the recipe for the Perfect Storm.   A sense of humor is mandatory, as is understanding that moment when exhaustion has set in and it is time to call it a night.

So with all of this, why do it?  Why enter into any projects?  Because beyond the cost savings, there is a great sense of accomplishment and pride at completion. And, sometimes, they can actually be a little fun.

My husband and I have just begun a new project.  We are re-doing our Miscellaneous Room.  This is a room that originally was my stepson’s bedroom. Since he grew up and moved out, it has been a playroom, a music room, and a partial guest room.  Now it is time for it to grow up and become an office and writing space.   This project is not requiring major construction – we aren’t taking out walls.  But we have cleaned it out, will be repainting, installing a hardwood floor and a new door, and redecorating.

We know it won’t be perfect, but we are excited with the plans and know it will look much better than it did.

We know it will be costly.  Today we ordered the materials for the floor. Eeek. Enough said.

We know it won’t happen quickly – but we are trying to work on it a bit every day and evening.  My husband is eager to get it done because he knows how much I get agitated by the fact that:

oh, boy, is it messy.  The previous contents of that room are now spread throughout my second floor.  Books cover the guestroom bed. There is a computer on the floor, a file cabinet in the hall, and a bookcase in the middle of my bedroom.  I wanted to use the calculator the other night but had no energy to go digging for wherever it may be at this point.

We have just begun, so I can say that so far we are still happily working together and speaking to each other.  When we get to the point where we are attempting to lay the floor down, it may not be all rainbows and sugar.   But as long as we keep our eyes on the prize, we’ll get through it.

And on a future day, as we sit in our cool new office, we’ll start discussing the next project to tackle…. But perhaps we’ll take a couple weeks off in between first.

 

 

 

 

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They Almost Got it Right

Posted on February 18, 2013 by Real Women

Those of you who have been reading my blog for a while are familiar with my disappointment over the lack of reality exhibited within the pages of women’s glossy magazines.  Browse any shelf of monthly publications and you’ll see images of beautiful people (often enhanced), be told to buy trendy unnecessary items like $400 sequin sneakers, and look at fashions that only look good on thin 18-year olds.  Most of these magazines include articles about how a young starlet is struggling to manage her film project in Rio and still find time to work with her personal trainer, or about women who have chucked away their careers to climb mountains or volunteer in a third-world country.

These are fine if you want to flip through pages of fantasy land.  But rarely do I find anything that a Real Woman can truly relate to.   This was once again put to the test when I was facing a wall of magazines while traveling recently.  I was willing to buy some fluff to pass the time in the airport, so I chose People Magazine’s Style Watch issue.

Lo and behold, I was pleasantly surprised.  First, they did a smart thing and avoided feature articles all together.  They had goals for this issue, and literary substance was not one of them… and that is fine.  Best not to pretend to be what you aren’t.  The focus truly was on style – but what I was happy to see was that they included some very realistic style ideas and products that a normal woman could actually wear and buy.  Featured on the pages were a wide variety of products in a range of looks and prices.  They highlighted where to find the products, and actually included “normal” places like Target, JCrew, and Kohl’s.  There was one page devoted to trendy watches ranging in price from $20 – $100.  There was a page of “best buy cheapies” for cosmetics.  A couple “articles” showed how to mimic celebrity looks for less.  One handy spread explained how to find a new scent in perfume.  Shockingly, I actually turned down a couple of pages for reference and decided not to leave the issue behind at the airport.

I will, however, stop just short of glowing high praise.  The cover model was flawless as always, and there were, naturally, a number of pages that left me thinking “huh?”.   I beg to differ with their statement that baseball jackets are now a fun fashion statement – I don’t know any woman (over the age of 12) who looks good in those, even if you do make them out of silk and put flowers on them.  On another page, I was told I should wear orange lipstick.  On this face?  I don’t think so.   And, for all of the lower-price-point products they listed, there were just as many at the unrealistic level – like a “must-have” tote for a mere $1800.

Ah well….I suppose they couldn’t move completely to my Real Woman level.  What amused me most, naturally, were the ads.  I have spent many years in marketing, and I am consistently entertained by what some agencies believe will sell.  My favorite from this issue is the ad I have pictured here, of a beautiful, very young, woman standing in the surf in just jeans.  (And to think I grew up in the days when it was shocking for Brooke Shields to tell us that nothing came between her and her Calvins!).   I still don’t know what this ad is trying to sell me.   Torn jeans?  Hair products?  Sun screen?  A time-share in the islands?

What is this ad trying to sell me?

What is this ad trying to sell me?

When I took a second look at this ad, I was also struck by the woman herself.  There was a news story this week about how in Israel, models can not be underweight, and digital/graphic enhancement is scorned.  I hope that trend extends to this country.  Because look at this image – particularly at the distance between her shoulders and her butt.  She is about 8 feet long.  That “just ain’t right.”

 

So to the folks at People magazine, I say nice job, good try.  Maybe some day we really will get to the point where at least one magazine in the sea of publications will speak to the real us.  In the meantime, I appreciate the effort by some…. even if they are baby steps.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Tilt Mode

Posted on February 14, 2013 by Real Women

I realize there is a strong irony in my timing of this post.  A mere 5 days since my vacation and my last post regarding deleting mind pollution, and the fact it is Valentine’s Day and I should be talking about happy cute things like hearts and cupids.  Well….guess what…. this blog is about Real Women.  The good, the bad and the ugly — right?

pinball

There are times in all Real Women’s lives when we have let far too much pile up on top of us and we reach Tilt.

Perhaps you have had a string of bad news or challenging and frustrating events. Or you are trying to cope with unusual circumstances… or, most likely, you are being the female version of Atlas and are carrying the world on your shoulders.   No matter how much we may subscribe to the theories of simplifying our lives, or taking moments for meditation, or attempting to stick to our core principals of not sweating the small stuff – at some point it all just piles up too high, too much.  And we either turn into mean nasty bitches who take out our frustrations on those close to us, or we have complete meltdowns and start sobbing like children.

It is time we start admitting this happens rather than hiding it.  No, I don’t mean stand up on your desk at work and yell “I’m going to have a meltdown now!”….. but I believe in my heart that by confiding in your personal Board of Directors, or a few carefully chosen sisters or BFF’s about how you are feeling, they will not only commiserate but completely understand.  And they won’t be scared by tears.  My dear loving husband over the years has learned how to best cope with my Tilt moments.  He knows to let me get it all out, vent, cry, rant, whatever, and give me a hug.  And I am immensely appreciative of it.  But truly, no matter how hard they try, men don’t completely “get” why we women get to this point.  Other women do, and we know it is ok.

I do have to admit that I’m pretty much at one of those meltdown points myself – or at least I was on my way home tonight.  As is always the case, for me it isn’t because of one particular thing, it is the “pile it on until I’m exhausted, worn out, cranky and overwhelmed” process – and in a way, I’m my own worst enemy.  Work is extremely busy and not-so-fun right now, and I’m letting it stress me out.  I’m being pulled in several directions in my personal life to the point that just hearing a voice mail from my brother about something else he needs has me swearing like a truck driver to myself in my car.  Because of my busy schedule, I’m not fitting in as much exercise as usual, and that has me on edge.  I’m missing my friends and family.  Then add in something fun like a broken tooth that the dentist cheerfully told me will require the installation of a crown, and BLAM – I’m on tilt mode.

There are some important things we need to take into consideration when we reach our meltdown levels.  First, we are not lesser, or weak, humans because of it.  If anything, it shows the incredible strength we have to balance our daily lives.  There is not something “wrong” with us.  We are normal Real Women.  And, unless we have reached a point where we feel this way for extended periods of time or at long-term intolerable levels, we don’t need to run off and start taking valium and Prozac.   What we need to do is cut ourselves some slack.  And take these moments as signs that something needs to change.  It is time to take stock, and figure out how to lighten our loads or change our course.  Life is far too short and too valuable to spend it feeling this way.   We especially need to have faith that “this too shall pass”, and it will get better.

And, miraculously, it will.  The cloud will lift, some things will change, and we RW’s will once again emerge strong and happy.  In the meantime, it is vital to take immediate steps for short-term repair work.  After a good cry or rant, take your dog for a walk….or get on a treadmill and plug great music into your ears…or go soak in a bubble bath with a trashy romance novel.  Do anything to find some time alone and escape reality.  It won’t solve all your problems, but it will make you feel better for a little while – and it will give you just enough energy to get up again tomorrow and face a new day.

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Deleting Mind Pollution

Posted on February 8, 2013 by Real Women

IMG_0840We Real Women carry an enormous amount of stuff with us every day.  I’m not talking about the stuff in our purses (although those can get mighty heavy!).  I’m referring to what we have swirling around in our brains all the time.

On an average R.W.’s day, at any given moment, we may have the following topics on our minds:  work issues and deadlines, family obligations, pet and child care, our children’s extra-curricular activities, homework assistance, home maintenance, bill paying, grocery shopping, food preparation, volunteer work, transportation, doctor’s visits, and juggling several family member’s schedules and actions.  Of course, while our minds are full of these swirling thoughts, we are going about our daily activities.  How exhausting!   Handling all of this with no break can lead us to stress, crankiness or possibly even depression.

One of my husband’s co-workers used to call certain days off of work as “Mental Health Days”…  at first I thought that was an amusingly cute phrase, until I decided to occasionally take a day off all to myself and realized how right he was.  Taking a day away from responsibilities of all kinds truly can be therapeutic; especially for  R.W.’s who try to do too much all the time.

However, although a day here and there can be a nice brief respite, it is not the same thing as truly taking a vacation and shutting down.  I am coming to believe that we need to have breaks in our lives to not only relax our bodies, but clean out the pollution in our heads.  We need times to NOT think about all of those things I mentioned above. A time to stare out at a view, a horizon, and just breathe and BE.  Push out any intruding unwanted thoughts.  I will admit this is not easy. I struggle with this, and it can take me several days to get to a mind-relaxation point.  When it hits, I know I’ve reached it because my husband asks “are you ok, honey?”

The other interesting by-product of mental vacations is the change in our interactions with others.  While we have been on our vacation, I’ve had different types of conversations with my husband and son than we usually do during our “regular days”.  We’ve talked about what we are seeing and doing, our favorite parts of our trip, telling fun stories about the past, talking about the future – not the kind of future as in the next deadline or what else is on our list of chores, but about things my son might like to do when he grows up, other places we’d like to travel, and friends and family we’d like to visit.  We have re-connected in ways that are only possible when we’ve pushed out some of the pollution and welcomed in some of the fresh air.

True, at some point, we do have to return to our “regular” lives and go back to our usual responsibilities, and start thinking about all of that “stuff” again.  It doesn’t just go away.  But hopefully when we get back, we can start with a refreshed outlook and take it all back slowly, a bit at a time.  Whenever I return from a vacation, I hope for at least 48 hours to maintain my calm serenity before stress begins to creep back in, drawing that mind pollution with it.

When was the last time your brain was pollution-free?  If you can’t remember when that last happened, start planning your time off now.  Your mind and body, and most likely the other people in your life, will thank you for it.

 

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Style or Comfort

Posted on February 6, 2013 by Real Women

While we’ve been traveling, we have spent a substantial amount of time in airports and in rather affluent areas of the West Coast.  Both locations have offered my husband and I prime opportunities to take part in one of our favorite free past times: people watching.

In the cities and towns where the wealthy play, we’ve seen our share of what I’d call The Stylish People (S.P’s).  For women, this means lots of short skirts, high pumps, thigh-high heeled boots, fun colors or patterns, and plenty of cleavage.  For the most part, they all look great – thin, trim and young….I think folks who live in warmer climates stay more physically active year-round than those of us who go into a bit of hibernation mode in the northeast.

Their style is not just with their clothing – it is also in the vehicles they choose to drive.  We’ve seen more Porsches, Jaguars, BMW’s and even Ferrari’s per capita than we ever see back home.  I have seen more high-end shops and department stores than we have near home as well.  I think the local S.P.’s shop at Nordstrom’s, Barney’s and Neiman Marcus more often than in my usual stops of Macy’s sale rack and Dress Barn.

However, perhaps because I’m on vacation, or more likely because I’ve grown comfortable with who I am at this stage in life, I’m fine with being comfortable vs. fashionable at times.  Oh, sure, I feel that brief pang of “wow, I’d like to look like that”.  But then I realize that even though I’m sitting there wearing my old Ked’s sneakers and long sleeve T both purchased at Target, I’m relaxed and content.  And nothing I’m doing throughout my day on vacation warrants me to dress up as if I’m going clubbing.   IMG_0829

The variety of styles is even more entertaining at the airport.  As for me, I attempt to find some sort of balance between looking halfway decent, yet being comfortable for a day of travel.  Slip-on shoes are important for going through security, and I opt for fairly loose clothing while crammed into the airplane seats.  And let us not forget layers for the guessing game of temperature changes.  I do see plenty of other women dressed similarly while traveling, especially moms with young children.  Yet I have also seen those same S.P.’s walking through the airport with their trendy bags in hand.  As I type this, as a matter of fact, one woman just walked by in a skin-tight mini dress and 5-inch heels.  All I could think was “WHY?”.   The story I created in my head about her (another important part of the Sport of People Watching) was that she was flying to see a hot man who she hadn’t seen in a long time and wanted to knock his socks off upon arrival.  Bravo for her.  But even when my husband and I were doing the long-distance dating thing, I never traveled several hours dressed like that.  Perhaps I should apologize to him for not showing up on his doorstep dressed like one of the Kardashians.

In a few days we will be traveling back home to New England, and we will bid adieu to the West Coast S.P.’s.   Rumor has it we will be returning to a major snowstorm.  If that is the case, then I will not have this Style vs. Comfort quandary for at least a couple of weeks…because I will be blending in just fine with everyone around me – as we all look like penguins waddling our way through the snow, covered from head to toe in heavy boots, coats, hats and gloves.

Maybe I’ll be wild and crazy and add a bright pink scarf.

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When We Have Wings

Posted on February 1, 2013 by Real Women

window viewMy family and I are starting a much anticipated, much needed vacation.  As I type, my son and I are on a plane headed west.  Usually our spring vacations are to Florida, but this year thanks to us tying on to a work conference my husband is attending, we are having a new adventure to Arizona and California.  Getting us to this point has been exhausting, but once I’ve had a good night’s sleep and feel warm sun on my bones, my energy level will begin to show the excitement and appreciation I feel deep inside.

I don’t exactly enjoy air travel.  I’m not especially fearful of it, but I hate feeling nauseous if we have a bumpy ride, and I’m not a fan of waiting, sitting for long periods of time or feeling cramped.  So I crossed Pilot and Flight Attendant off my list of “careers to have some day” a long time ago.

However, each time we do fly, I still appreciate the marvel of it.  Yes, it is expensive. Yes, each flight can bring with it frustrations, delays, problems – and there is no lack of people who are thrilled to share their war stories of each bad experience.   Yet…. we are sitting in a big huge metal thing that is hurling through the air at approximately 500 miles an hour.  I know  Aeronautical Engineers can explain why it can fly, but I am still amazed that it can.  We will reach our destination, even with one stop over, by early evening. If we were driving, it would literally take days.  We may be cramped, but are otherwise comfortable.  We can sleep, read, listen to music, play with electronics, or just stare out the window – because someone else is doing the work of getting us there.   A very nice woman just dropped off a beverage and snack for me to enjoy while I blog.  Call me crazy, but I believe there could be far worse things to endure.

One of the benefits of travelling that I enjoy the most is doing it with my son.  We are lucky, he has always been a good traveller…. Probably because we started him early — he was just weeks old when we took him on his first road trip.  No matter whether via car, train, bus or plane, he’s up for the adventure.   There is a pure joy and wonder in a child’s eyes and mind with each new experience.  Sure, he’s 12 now, so some of the newness may have worn off a bit, but he still sees the fun in even the little things, and I love re-living some of it through him.  Like the thumbs up and smirk he gave me after passing through security at the gate at the airport….the excited updates he gives me as we leave cold temperatures and head to warmer climates…his fascination over the upcoming time change…..even his unbridled appreciation over the fact that the Attendant let him have both peanuts AND cookies (“I just LOVE these cookies!”)… it is all awesome and makes me enjoy and appreciate the journey even more.  And to think we haven’t even reached our destination yet!

For some, the act of “getting there” may seem agonizing.  But for me, vacation has already started – with each mile that literally flies past the window, I feel more responsibilities and stresses falling off behind me.  At this rate, by the time we meet up with my husband at his conference tonight,  he will not see the uptight over-tired stressball he’s been married to lately, but the vacation-mode Real Woman who is ready to relax and have fun.

Life really is good.

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The Phases of a R.W.

Posted on January 25, 2013 by Real Women

aging
My BFF’s daughter, who also happens to be my husband’s God-daughter, turned 13 this week.  She is beautiful, smart, funny and trendy.  At that age, I was none of those things.  Ok, maybe I can claim smart – because I was kind of a geek.  Around the age of 13 I was entering full force into the Awkward Years.  Which to me of course seemed to last forever.  The funny thing about the Awkward Phase is that it isn’t just on the outside – sure, I had that in spades, what with being skinny and lanky, nerdy, glasses, braces, the whole deal.  But that phase of young womanhood brings with it a kind of awkwardness or uncertainty on the inside.  I don’t know if our young friend feels that way, because certainly she and her equally pretty friends don’t act it, but I’m fairly certain that the fact that she has her whole life ahead of her as she enters adulthood feels at times a bit daunting.

Her mother and I get together once a week to scrap. (For those unfamiliar with this craft term, I mean that we create scrapbooks – a topic worthy of it’s own blog post at some point).  Invariably while we scrap, we start down memory lane while looking through photos.  We could be reliving moments of our children’s lives, our families, or even our own.  This week, while we were talking about the physical changes we and our mothers have gone through over the years, and admiring the youthful energy of her daughter, I started thinking about the phases we move through in life as Real Women.  More specifically, I thought about the contradictions that happen between our physical selves, and our mental and emotional selves.

In our teens, we have our youth yet we are trying hard to not be childish…we have seemingly endless energy.  Some of us are yes, “awkward”, others not so much – but on the inside, we are completely consumed with how we should act and what others think of us.   We then move into our 20’s and early 30’s…or, what I like to think of as the Wonder Years.  We are still young, but are acquiring our maturity.  We are beautiful, stylish, still have plenty of energy, and are ready to take on the world.  What people think of us is still important, because now we are in the phase of having to prove ourselves.  We have to prove we are mature enough to be taken seriously at work, we have to prove ourselves to be desirable to potential life mates, and prove to our parents that we are adults.   We are trying really hard to feel the confidence on the inside that we are showing on the outside.

Next is the Phase I am in now…the 40’s to 50’s.  This is when we start to lament the loss of our youth.  We see wrinkles, grey hair and age spots develop, gravity is pulling all of our parts the wrong direction, and our energy levels aren’t quite what they used to be.   Yet, ironically, on the inside, we are on an upswing.  Sure, we may be trying to balance too much at once at this Phase of our lives, but the uncertainty of who we are is gone.  We are confident in our own beliefs in what we feel is important, in who we’ve become, and what we will and won’t put up with in work and relationships.  Isn’t it funny that while we are sad to see some of the changes happening physically, we are for the most part happy and at peace with what’s happening on the inside.   It took a few decades, but we finally know who we are.

I find that I’m using an old adage more and more:  Youth is wasted on the young.  I didn’t understand it when I was kid, but it makes sense now. If we could feel the way we do in our older years, be as knowledgeable as we are now about life and ourselves, but have the outer shell of youth, wouldn’t that be remarkable?

I had the pleasure tonight of talking with a dear friend of ours.  This woman is sharp, funny, entertaining, has a peaceful, confident and realistic outlook on life – and she just turned 90 years old.  She is a treasure.  Her eyesight is beginning to fail, she uses a cane to walk, and she’s not getting out and about as much as she used to, but she had me laughing so hard during our conversation that I’m still smiling now.  It is women like her who make me fear the next Phases a bit less.

Sometimes people will ask if you could go back to a certain age, would you?  I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I’d like to physically be 30 again.  That really was a good Phase in many ways.  But if it meant I had to give up the Inner Me now, I’d have to take a pass.

This weekend, we will celebrate with the 13-year old at her family party.  I will admire her joy and exuberance and the fact that the “world is her oyster.”   At the same time, I will take a deep breath for her, silently wishing her safe passage through her oncoming teen angst and all of the changes and Phases she will experience.  Enjoy every moment, dear friend…but never fear, the best is yet to come.

 

 

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Be Prepared for the Past

Posted on January 20, 2013 by Real Women

I am happy to say that thus far in life I have very few regrets.  Even though I’ve made a few poor decisions over the years, I’m a strong believer that everything happens for a reason, and every decision – good and bad – that I’ve made has helped make me who I am today.

Yet we all have certain things we would do differently if we were ever given the chance to go back.  Regrets and wishes for “do overs” don’t have to be massive looming issues, just little nagging bits.  One such regret for me is that until fairly recently, I did not appropriately appreciate, and pay attention to, the past.

As is true for many of us, through my childhood and as a young lady, I was very self-focused and busy just living life.  As I grew into adulthood, I was busy creating my own family, building careers — just trying to keep up with the pace of life.  What I didn’t do was slow down and really listen to the past.

I regret now that when we had family gatherings with my grandmother, aunts, uncles and cousins, I didn’t pay more attention to stories that were shared.  I didn’t keep track of the tales and legends shared by my parents and older relatives.  I wish now that I had really listened to my mother’s words of wisdom and information about her family and her youth.  I’m sure at the time, I just assumed that she would always be around as a resource about being a Real Woman.  Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. She passed away while I was still in my 20’s, so I lost the chance to get any more of her input on the future or peeks into her past as I’ve continued through life.

I should have taken notes over the past many years every time an elder decided to share a story.  But until recently, I didn’t.  Well, it is never too late.  And now I am completely fascinated by my family’s past.  Every time we visit my Dad, I cling to any stories he begins to tell – no matter the time frame.  He may share a memory about my mom, or about his siblings, about his childhood, or his Grandparents.  He may open up a bit about his time in the Army or when he went back to college upon his return from the War.  And now, finally, I’m paying attention.

My Dad not long ago visited a local school to talk to the students about his experiences on the front lines in the Korean War.  I’m green with envy, wishing that we lived closer to each other so he could do that for my son’s school.  That sort of personal living history has such a more profound effect than can ever be achieved by reading it in a text book.  And that, in a nutshell, is what we all need to remember – we need to grab every bit of personal living history while it is available to us.  Memories fade, and life is short – we shouldn’t pass up opportunities while we have them.

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This weekend we had a visit,  and Dad passed along to me a cocktail pitcher that had been given to him as a wedding gift when he married my mom, and it is engraved with the signatures of each of his Ushers.  I love it.  And even better, just that one gift got Dad going with stories. Although my eager ears were prepared, I realized I wasn’t writing anything down – and I knew that I’d forget vital bits on the three-hour drive home.  So I ran to grab anything I could find, and soon was making notes on little-post-it’s.  We all had a good laugh about it – but mentally I realized that I will never visit again without notebook in hand.

The best thing about stories of the past is that everything old tells me something new – I learn new things I never knew before.  I didn’t know my Grandfather was claustrophobic.  I didn’t know that my dad as a young man had worked in his Uncle’s apple orchard.  I didn’t know as a kid one of his fondest memories was driving around Boston with his Grandmother’s chauffer, with Dad riding in the front seat.  I didn’t even know that Dad’s beloved ship’s clock that he keeps on a shelf in his sitting room was a gift from my mom to him – to make up for all the birthdays and Christmases they missed out on together while he was at war.

But now I know.  And every little bit of personal history is another piece to the puzzle of our family, of why we all are who we are.  It is fascinating to hear how things used to be, the struggles, the triumphs, the challenges and the joys.

I’m finally taking notes that I can share with my siblings,  and with the hope that my son will have these stories to pass along to his children some day.  Luckily, there are a couple people in my family who have a knack for Geneology, and have kept some records of ancestor’s names and dates. What I want now are the stories behind those names and dates.

It never is too late – we can all take the time to really listen to the past.  And better yet, we can all start writing down some of our own stories so future generations won’t miss out on “all the good stuff” either.

 

 

 

 

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It’s A System

Posted on January 16, 2013 by Real Women

I consider myself a fairly intelligent, modern woman.  I completed four years of college plus various professional development training courses through my adulthood.  I am pretty adept at using modern technology.  I usaccountinge my computer/laptop/mac/iPad/iPhone tools every day.

I manage our family schedules, the care and feeding of those living under this roof, and general home maintenance.  And, I am the family accountant.  Those who know me may find this last statement fairly surprising — simply because I am not an Accountant kind of person.  I love words.  I hate math.  But for various reasons, for several years now, I am the one who manages and pays the bills in the house. And, for the most part, I’m pretty efficient — things get paid on time, we don’t bounce checks, we still have money left to buy groceries.

However…. here is my big confession.  My system for tracking/maintaining and processing the family accounting would send any normal person either into shock or hysterics.  Then again, it would take me so long to explain my system to someone else, that they’d be far too confused to even make fun of me.  My system is a complex combination of paper bills, a calculator, notes and dates written on envelopes, a spiral notebook, my checkbook, the calendar, a very important little cubey area of the desk, a few file drawers, and, of course, my online bank.  Before you guffaw too heartily in my direction, I will say that I do pay all (or, well, at least 90%) of our bills online. I only write checks for unique situations.  So I’m not living in the “old days” completely.

When I think about it, I realize that my wacky and confusing system truly is the perfect example of a “word” person’s view of accounting.  I think in words and pictures, not numbers. I do my work most clearly and accurately by using old-fashioned paper and pencil.  Even at work, if I have to work out a process, proof something, or take notes, I do it on paper.  It is just the way I “tick.”

No matter what type of training and education we go through in life, we have to adapt things to a certain extent to who we are, how we operate, how we think.  As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that there is only so far that I’ll change.  I may spend 90% of my work day on the computer, but I still have several paper files and binders on my desk.  I may use iPhone Apps and computer software for daily activities, but I still cook using printed recipes from books and magazines.  I may appreciate all of the new products and advice I receive from the media and family and friends — but if I have certain tools and systems that work for me, I probably won’t deviate too far from them.

If we all think about the ways we do certain things, we realize they are just inherently part of us.  How we fold our laundry, whether or not we rinse plates before they go in the dishwasher, whether or not we pick up a pen or a keyboard to write a note to a friend, how we apply our make-up, and yes — even how we pay our bills.  We all have our own ways, our own systems.  They are neither right or wrong — they just are.

So, sure, I’ll keep my wacky accounting process in hiding so as not to scare anyone.  But I know myself too well after all these years to assume I’ll ever really change it.  If my husband ever takes over the bookkeeping for the family, he’ll have use his very own system — he’d never understand or tolerate mine.  And more than likely, I’d feel the same about his.

 

 

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