A Mom’s Annual Ritual

Posted on October 22, 2012 by Real Women

This weekend I performed an annual ritual that I am going to guess is the same one that most of you who are moms or aunts perform as well.  I’m quite sure it is a ritual that even my mother practiced throughout the years.

I took the frame down off the wall so I could update it with my son’s current school picture.  And as I took the back off, I did my annual review of all the years’ photos that I keep piled behind the most recent.  It is like a photographic journey through the past 12 years.   Well, ok, make that the past 9 years, because we started with pre-school.

Of course the first feeling I am invariably hit with is one of bittersweet melancholy.  How can time be passing so very quickly?  How can my little baby be in Middle School?  I remember my mother used to say to me “the older you get, the faster time flies.”  When I was young, I thought that couldn’t possibly be true.  And yet, it is.  Weeks, months, and even years fly by in a heartbeat.

The next feeling is one of overall wonder.  To see how a child changes from year to year really is amazing… From the very round head and big eyes of a toddler to the years of missing teeth and messy hair in grade school to the entering-puberty tween big boy.   And even more amazing is how that child can change yet certain features remain the same.  His eyes, his smile, his personality – could never be mistaken, and will still look the same when he is a grown man.

Then I realize I’m smiling and chuckling as I remember the school picture days from each year.  There are the years we had to do re-takes because his eyes were closed, or he didn’t smile.  There are the clothing choices – when he was young and couldn’t protest, I dressed him in his finest adorable “little dude” clothes.  Then as he got older it was the battle against the cartoon tshirts, or there was the one year he wanted to wear a tie.  In one photo, he  had lost  a tooth right before the shoot, and had at least one other that was loose and looking crooked in his big smile.  In the more recent years, there have been the big decisions to be made as to which cool background to use.  In my school days, we had the choice between grey and blue.

As I look at each photo, a memory about him at each stage pops into my mind.  And with that, I move into the last phase of my Mom Ritual.  I experience almost overwhelming feelings of pride, hope, and immense love.  I’m just so proud and humbled that we created this handsome, smart, healthy, happy boy.  I can’t imagine life without him, and I have so much hope for him in the future.  I know very well that as we bravely enter the teen years, it will be a bumpy ride.  But we will get through them, and each year, much to his embarrassment, I will add his photo to the front of the frame.

As I hung the frame back up on the wall, I imagined that some day, as a grown man, he will have a wife who loves him and admires who he is, and she will laugh and smile as I share with her each of his annual portraits.   Sure, he will be embarrassed and slightly horrified.

Until the day comes when he has a child of his own, and finds his wife doing the exact same ritual year after year.

Posted in family | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

Must We Settle for Perfect?

Posted on October 19, 2012 by Real Women

I read an interesting recent post by Joanna Douglas, a Senior Fashion and Beauty Editor, about Victoria’s Secret coming under fire again regarding the rampant airbrushing done on their models in their ads and catalogs.  I love this kind of story, because anytime someone throws up a red flag about retouching, it gives me hope.  It seems that un-retouched swimsuit photos of one of their supermodels were “accidentally released”, and the retouched counterparts then appeared on the company’s website – so a side-by-side comparison is possible.

If you look closely, you’ll notice a few things. First, the model is young & beautiful, with a body that most of us would love to have – even in her unretouched version.  Some of the things that were removed, or “smoothed out”, were beauty marks, wrinkles in her side, frown marks, a minor bulge under her left shoulder, and the fact that she’s actually wearing flesh-colored undies under the suit.

So they took a photo of a beautiful woman, and made it “perfect”.  Which means that it became a completely unrealistic image.  Ms. Douglas had an interesting view point on this.  She wrote:  It’s unfortunate that we must come to accept that most photos are altered, perhaps just as we’re realizing many actors enhance their actual bodies with things like Botox. Personally, we’d love to see the real, unretouched photos, and to see women looking like humans and not bizarre, Gumby-like creatures with rubbery limbs and no flaws. But we also have to remember that brands are trying to sell products, and as technology continues to change, they will do whatever it takes to create the most attractive image possible. Nowadays “attractive,” to many people, means unrealistically perfect.

Alright, so I get her point. But I’m not sure I agree.  She says herself that we’d love to see real, untouched photos.  And yet in the next sentences, she says we just have to accept that won’t ever happen, that products wouldn’t be sold by showing the real thing, and that most of us believe that attractive means un-natural perfection.   I for one don’t want to accept that.  I also hold on to the belief that if we saw models as they really are, we’d feel a sense of relief – that wow, they are human after all, which would make us feel better about ourselves.  Sure, I’d love to have an airbrush artist follow me around, so every photo that is snapped of me makes me look amazing. But that isn’t reality.  And I truly believe that if I saw some swimsuits, or clothing, on real people, and they made that real person look good, I’d be much more apt to buy that product — because it is real and much more believable.  I know that I will never look like this young woman in her tiny tiger suit…. but consider this — if you saw a cute swim suit (probably not like this one) on an average-sized size 10 woman, and she looked great, wouldn’t you be more inclined to think “wow, I could look that good in that too!” ?

Call me crazy.  But I’ll believe in, and have more admiration for, a real image of a real woman over faked perfection any day.  Maybe some day we can turn the tide – even just a little.

Posted in real style, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments

That Dreaded Nightly Question

Posted on October 16, 2012 by Real Women

You are headed home after a long busy day. No matter what you have spent your day doing, no doubt it involved making decisions, beating deadlines and maintaining a good energy level.  One would think your day is over, and you can be off duty….but no…. you have one more decision to make, one more question to answer:  What’s for dinner?  Ugh, who doesn’t hate that question?

No matter whether dinner is to be made at home, brought in, or eaten at a restaurant,  it is still a pain in the butt to make that decision every day.  Yes, I realize this sounds spoiled, as far too many people in this country and world won’t have food to eat tonight.  So I do appreciate that I’m lucky enough to complain about this nightly chore.  Honestly, I don’t mind cooking.  As a matter of fact, I generally enjoy it.  I love to try new recipes, putting all the ingredients together to see how it comes out…and there is nothing like the satisfaction of having great results.  We only eat out a couple times a month, so most nights I cook with the hope it is healthier and less expensive  — although this means that my grocery bill is frightening.

What I don’t enjoy is the deciding what to make each night, the planning, the grocery shopping, the clean up, and overall the amount of time it takes out of my limited evening free time hours.  To try to ease this pain, I create a two-week meal plan that I post on our refrigerator.  It helps me plan my grocery shopping, my budget, and of course gives me the answer each night to that ugly “what’s for dinner” question.

Well, that is the plan anyway.  As I tell my husband and son, the menu is always subject to change. And sure enough, it changes.  There are some nights when I get home and just don’t feel like making, or eating, what I had planned.  Or I can be missing a key ingredient – like when the fish market was closed so I couldn’t buy the fresh scallops on my way home as I had hoped, or I didn’t realize we were out of something like eggs.  Then there are nights like tonight.  I had left a note for my son asking him to take the turkey tenderloin out of the fridge when he got home from school so it could thaw.  He is a 12 year old boy. That means that in the distance between the note on the table and the refrigerator, he got distracted.  And when I arrived home, the tenderloin was still in the fridge and frozen.  Combine that with the fact that I got home late, and it would have been after 8:00 if I stuck to cooking my planned meal.

So on those nights, I am forced back to that dreaded question, thus seemingly defeating my own plan.  I usually review my meal plan to see what I can “borrow” from a different night.  Or come up with something else completely.  By the end of the week, my menu ends up looking like some sort of scientific equation with arrows, cross outs and re-do’s.   And there have still been plenty of frustrating “winging it” nights.

If I was one of those wealthy celebrity-type women, I think I’d still want to cook, at least some nights. But I’d certainly be more than willing to pay someone else to do the planning and shopping.  Then I could be the one to ask the question  “what’s for dinner?”  and someone else would have the answer for me.

That would be just fabulous.

Posted in Food | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

Reaching Capacity Level

Posted on October 12, 2012 by Real Women

There seems to be no lack of folks who are quite amped up over the current political campaigns.  Supporters of all sides, and at all levels – local, state, national – are quick to share their viewpoints via social media, at the water cooler, and at social functions.  Many of them thrive on politics.  One of my BFF’s, as a matter of fact, loves politics and is extremely informed and knowledgeable as she is a virtual sponge for all information that is out there.

I, on the other hand, at this point in the season feel like pushing away my plate and sitting back from the table. I’m done, I’m full, I’ve had enough.   Don’t get me wrong, I do care about our future, I am attempting to make educated decisions, and I will of course cast my vote when the time arrives.  However, I will be thrilled when it is all over and I just don’t have to hear about the contests any more.  In the meantime, between the ads, the media coverage, the mail, the phone calls, the debates, the online presence – there is no escape for those of us who are weary.

So I find myself reverting back to some of the old mental tricks we have all played at certain times. You know, when you were back in college and sitting through a boring lecture class… or having to attempt to stay alert during a lengthy presentation…. And you begin to play games and think of things to keep yourself awake and not go into a brain-fog coma.   Yes, those are the games I employ when I feel myself starting to gloss-over at the sight of yet more political rhetoric.

For example, when I see the same tv ad for the 143rd time in one week, I start to consider how the spot was produced – how many takes did he have to do, who selected her outfit, are they wearing make-up, is he really driving his car or faking it, is that a prop house…and what poor intern on their staff had to do the latest dirt-digging to come up with the most recent rumors against the opponent?

With the media interviews, I begin to wonder if the newscaster is getting tired of asking the same questions and getting unclear answers?  What time is it in that particular area of the country, and how early did the candidate have to get up to be on camera?  What did they have for breakfast?  And naturally I can always be entertained by the appearance of the candidate…. If it is a woman, who did her hair?  Who selected that jacket for her to wear?  What jewelry does she have on?  Does she have a child at home who puked on her as she headed out the door, or a pet who shed all over her suit?  Are that man’s teeth capped?

And best of all are the televised debates.  There is even more fodder for the “anti-brain fog game” with those.  Here are a few of my favorite points to consider:

  1. Did the two sides coordinate their clothing/tie choices so as not to clash on tv?
  2. What are they writing on their note pads?  In the recent VP debate,  Paul Ryan started writing as soon as he sat down – no talking had even begun. What could he possibly have needed to note down?  Did he have a great idea as he was walking onto the stage and didn’t want to forget to bring it up?  Was it something like “Joe is wearing red socks”?  Or maybe it was simply “pick up milk on the way home.”  My other theory is that throughout the debate, they are drawing caricatures of each other – hence the glancing up and smirking at the opponent.
  3. Why do the VP’s get to sit down during their debates, but the Presidential candidates have to stand?
  4. There are no commercial breaks. What if one of them has to go pee?
  5. I had a minor panic attack when Paul Ryan, who was drinking quite a bit of water, had an almost empty glass… would someone sneak out on stage to refill it?
  6. When it gets really bad, before I turn it off or change the channel, I start playing the “looks like….” game.  With all due respect, one of the candidates one night bore a startling resemblance to Sam the Eagle…

Yes, I know, I probably sound childish.  But really…. I just can’t keep up the enthusiasm, and I need something to keep me sane for the next four weeks.  And when all the votes are counted, I may be happy or fearful over the outcome…but no matter what, I will be celebrating that it is over.

 

 

 

Posted in Entertainment | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Posted on October 9, 2012 by Real Women

I have always been fascinated by human behavior.   I believe our actions speak volumes about our personalities and core beliefs.

Real Women are especially fascinating.  How we juggle the multiple facets of our lives, what we make time to do each day, what slows us down, what cheers us up and what frustrates us.  I’m not necessarily talking about the “big” things here, like what we do for a profession, or what our cultural beliefs are….no, today I’m focused on those little things we do every day.

There are those of us who thrive on order and organization. Everything must be in its rightful place or we feel out of sorts.  Some Real Women can’t stand to be messy, dirty, or have anything out of line.  Schedules rule our lives, we make lists, we plan every minute of the day.

Conversely, there are the Real Women who don’t mind a bit of chaos in their every day life.  Don’t force those of us who aren’t orderly into sweating the small stuff – it will only annoy us.  Messes are seen as creative outlets.  We don’t need neatly laid out piles on our desks or strict daily plans.

And of course, there are plenty of women who land somewhere in between these extremes. But what do these characteristics say about us?  Some may say the first type of woman above is a bit Anal Retentive – which could be true, but that sounds pretty harsh.  Orderly women find comfort in knowing that everything is as it should be, feel calmer and under control when their environments are tidy, and they have a schedule or list in hand.   The more “free-flowing” woman is just that – a casual, go-with-the-flow, don’t bother me with details kind of person.   Both are fun and happy, as long as they are in their preferred environment.  None of us like to be pushed into the other one’s zone.  Because then we start to try to change it to adapt.  Yes, I have been known to start cleaning other people’s kitchens.  It’s not them.  It’s me.

Think I’m being silly, and we really are all the same?  Then please join me for a little stroll through my very unscientific Real Woman Behavior Survey, and then review my equally unscientific personality assessments based on your answers.   Please feel free to share your comments.

1.You notice that a framed painting on a wall in someone’s home, or a business,  is crooked.

a.   You immediately walk over and attempt to straighten it.

b. You tell the owner or maintenance person about it; it isn’t your place to touch it.

c. You assume whoever hung it likes it that way and leave it alone.

d. There’s a picture on the wall?

 

2. It is approaching bed time, and you have dirty dishes in your sink.

a. You must stop and get them cleaned up before going to bed, or you won’t be able to sleep.

b. You add it to your list of to-do’s for the morning, if you have time before going to work, and if no one else does them first.

c. You will wash what you need once you run out of clean dishes.

d.  What dirty dishes?

 

3.   Your work day is nearly done.  Before you leave for the day, you:

a. Reorganize your desk, re-pile the work, make notes or lists for the following day, prioritizing tasks for the morning.

b. Leave everything exactly how it is, so you can pick up wherever you are leaving off.

c. Hope a strong wind will blow through and leave you with a clean desk in the morning.

d.  Wait… there is a desk under there??

 

4.  You notice a damp towel on the bathroom floor.  You:

a.  Pick it up, hang it, and in the process notice how dirty the bathroom is and immediately start cleaning it.

b.  Grab the towel and toss it in the vague direction of the laundry machine to deal with later.

c.  Yell at whoever dropped it there because surely it wasn’t you.  Then hope they take care of it before mold forms.

d.  Think “gee, I didn’t know we had purple towels.”

 

5.  You have a laundry basket full of clean laundry.  You:

a.  Fold it, hang it, make sure it is all put away immediately.

b.  Leave it for attention another time, and dig through to pull out what you need throughout the week.

c.  Consider just leaving it all in the basket – after all, it will only end up back in the hamper eventually.

d.  Perform the sniff test, as you’ve lost track of what is clean or dirty.

 

6.  You pour a glass of milk, and there is only a little bit left in the bottom of the container.  You:

a.  Finish the milk, rinse out the container and put it directly into the recyclables bin.

b.  Put it back in the fridge, thinking you may have need for just a tablespoon of milk at some point.

c.  You dump out or drink the last bit, then leave the container in the sink or on the counter to deal with later.

d.  You either drink the last of the milk directly from the container then place it, empty, back in the fridge, OR you leave the last bit of milk in the container, on the counter until it goes bad.

 

See any trends?  Ok, let’s see…  if you scored:

Mostly A’s:  Welcome to my world. Perhaps we should start our own support group.

Mostly B’s:  Congratulations. You are well-rounded, care about your surroundings, but don’t stress over the small stuff.

Mostly C’s:  You are spontaneous and carefree. I don’t think I’d want to live with you, but you’d be the perfect BFF to have on vacation.

Mostly D’s:  You are a man.

 

Thank you for playing.  Now if you’ll pardon me, I have to go put away the dog toys and make a list for tomorrow.

 

Posted in real women | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Just Wrap it up in a Brown Paper Bag, Please

Posted on October 4, 2012 by Real Women

In an earlier post, I confessed that the older I get, the more I enjoy reading to escape.

In my youth, I read and studied great works of literature and classics.  I went through a period where I devoured all I could of Shakespeare’s works, studied Chaucer and suffered through Sylvia Plath.  I moved on to poetry, then a few biographies, attempted to be interested in non-fiction….until I landed my feet quite squarely in the world of fictional novels.

Even in the world of fiction, over time I have moved to lighter and lighter fare.  I no longer need to get buried in a 900-page book that requires a map to keep track of time frames and characters.  In the all too short amount of time I have every day for one of my most favorite pastimes –reading — I now simply want to be entertained.   I want to leave reality behind, push aside responsibilities, stop listening to the problems and despair in the world, and get a bit lost somewhere else.

I do still enjoy a variety of authors and types of stories, and for different reasons… For a good plot to sink my teeth into, I might pick up a Jeffrey Archer;  to be transported to a lovely location, there’s Elin Hilderbrand;  for great characters to get involved with I turn to Nora Roberts — or maybe her alter ego JD Robb for a little mystery and intrique.  And of course, if I need a good laugh, there is always Janet Evanovich to fill my needs.

I will confess that at times I will pick up what I consider to be complete fluff — something that doesn’t need to be extremely well written, or have an amazing plot.  It was during one of those “just entertain me” modes when I was introduced to the Shades of Grey trilogy.  Yes, it is true, I read them. Yes, it is true, they were a guilty pleasure and I enjoyed them.  Did I find them so amazingly outrageous and inflammatory that I needed to create a secret women’s reading group to dissect them over bottles of wine?  No.  Did they affect my marriage?  No, it is fine on its own, thank you.  Was there something about them that sucked me in to the “don’t want to put it down” stage?  Well, yes.  Did I talk about them with my friends?  Yes.

And now I’m seeing more “copy-cat” stories coming out that follow the same lines as the Grey books.  I’m reading one now, called Bared to You.  Predictable characters, thin plot, and let me just say the very descriptive text is not about the lovely view out the window.  And yet, it is drawing me in again.

 It got me thinking about how this new trend seems to be an evolution of the old romance novels.  Remember the old Harlequin novels with Fabio on the cover?  Well, these books are like variations of those, gone hard core.  They have taken “romance” to a different level and are certainly providing the women who are reading them with an escape from reality.

But then I began to wonder, will there have to be a line drawn soon as to where these books can be sold?   You don’t see magazines like Penthouse and Playboy out on the regular racks at book stores.  Remember the old days of video rental stores, where the adult/naughty tapes were only available in the back room?  (Not that I ever went in there, mind you.)   Will there come a time when these new novels will only be available in a back room at Barnes & Noble, open only to women over the age of 18?  And what WILL be the line a book has to cross to be sold in a brown paper bag?  I have to admit, when I was ready to buy the Grey trilogy, I ordered them from Amazon so I wouldn’t have to ask where they were at the book store – and so they could arrive to my house in an unlabeled brown box.  And yet I’ve seen them available at Costco and Walmart.  These are books that I wouldn’t want my 12 year old son to pick up and start browsing.

The writer in me of course also thought that if this new wave of book type is that popular, it would be fairly easy to crank out a couple.  Put together a couple of hot characters, add a bit of minor plot that has to do with one or both of them being damaged from a past experience, and throw in huge helpings of smut & steam.   Seems like a fairly simple format that works.   But then I realized I’m not so sure I’d be comfortable promoting my new book – not exactly the way to “make Daddy proud.”  Or for that matter, explain it to my son.  “So, what does you mom do for a living?”  “Oh, she writes naughty books.”

No, instead, I will let other authors provide this entertainment that I can indulge in from time to time. And after reading one, I will take a long shower and move on to a different style of escapism for awhile.

After all, variety is the spice of life.  Even in fantasy world.

 

 

Posted in Entertainment | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Who’s Amazing?

Posted on October 2, 2012 by Real Women

In this month’s issue of one of the magazines I receive, there are short profiles of the winners of a contest for beautiful “real” women over a certain age.  Yes, the women are pretty enough to be models.  And yes, they each have some sort of story to tell.  One was an attorney who re-invented herself by making a career change to run a private foundation for underprivileged families, and had experts give her a make-over for a new look.  Another is an actress who split up with her husband, is about to leave on a “self –renewal” trip to Madrid, Rome & Tuscany, and once a year has Botox done on her frown line.

These women deserve to win this particular contest — they are pretty extraordinary…but unrealistic.  Once again, I was left with the feeling that the magazine was missing the point behind being a truly “real woman”.  Where are the accolades & awards for the women we all know in our daily lives who are amazing for all that they do and for who they are?  Where is the recognition for those of us who accomplish a pretty unbelievable number of tasks, still manage to look great, and yet will most likely never be able to leave our current jobs to manage a private foundation, take a European “self-renewal” trip, nor would ever spend the money to have annual Botox treatments?

In just the blink of an eye, I can think of so many outstanding women I am lucky to know and be in contact with in my day-to-day real life.  There is the one who manages a busy household with two boys, her live-in mother-in-law with health issues, a full-time job, and who finds time daily to exercise to improve her health, and coaches for her sons’ basketball team…  Or how about the R.W. who lost her job around the same time that her husband left, yet she managed to job hunt, take care of her aging mother, keep a roof over her head, land a new job and still keep her sense of humor?   Then there is the beautiful R.W. who won her battle with breast cancer while balancing issues at home with her family, and kept her full-time job during a major company reorganization.  Or think of any of the other Real Women you know, like the single mom working hard to provide for her family, the entrepreneur who struggles to pay the bills but still finds time to volunteer to help those less fortunate, and the list goes on and on.

Then let’s give a nod to the sizes, shapes and styles we all come in – that aren’t 5’ 9” and 120 pounds.  How about the plus-size woman who is gorgeous and incredibly fun to be around?  Or the R.W. who is so small she has to shop in children’s departments?  There’s that extremely thin friend who put on 20 pounds because she quit smoking, and of course the many of us battling menopausal pudge by exercising as often as we can wedge it into our busy schedules.

These women, and so many more, are incredible, strong, beautiful and unrecognized for their daily “amazingness.”   Isn’t it about time we salute the truly Real Women in our lives?   Don’t they all deserve to be on the cover of a magazine with an award in hand?   Someday I hope to publish just such a magazine.  Each month I would profile another very real woman who is a true winner for being exactly who she is.

But in the meantime, I say THANK YOU to all of you for being Super Woman to the people in your life, and for just plain being fabulous. I’m honored to know you.

Posted in real women | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Thorns, Warts and All

Posted on September 28, 2012 by Real Women

I know there are at least a few men who are following my blog, and I truly appreciate your interest and your support.   I realize there are going to be topics I cover that hold little interest to you, or that just make no sense to you, or – potentially – could offend you in some way.  If that is the case, I apologize as that is not at all my intention.  Since this is a blog that is dedicated to telling the truth about, and celebrating, what it is like to be Real Women in our very Real world, you men are of course a large part of it…. therefore there are times when you may very well be one of the subjects to be discussed.   Please look at these subject explorations not as criticisms.  Rather, think of it more as an education for you in how you are representing yourself to over half the population.

All that said…. I have two topics today regarding the men in our lives.

First:  Men and PMS.  I’m not talking about OUR pms, I’m talking about how they apparently suffer from it themselves.  I’m not sure why this happens, nor why it seems to happen in time with our own cycles.  I know when women live together, or near each other, our cycles can run in sync.  Is it possible that men’s hormones could be affected by ours as well?   All I know is that quite often, if not monthly, but at least quarterly, the men in our lives will exhibit the same ugly characteristics we are famous for during our “time of the month.”   They are irritable, short-tempered, have low levels of patience, low energy, and complain of aches and pains.  Even more surprising, is that these creatures who are normally after us constantly for physical attention may suddenly “turn off” with no interest and roll over in grumpy-tired mode to go to sleep.  Truly – they exhibit the exact same traits that we get in trouble for.

I have no big gripe about occasional mood swings and bad days. We all have them. But when men’s pms kicks in, it is invariably when we are already coping with our own – and yet we still have to help them through their issues because what coping skills they may have had, have now flown out the window.  We carry on through our cramps, headaches, back aches, faulty memory issues and low energy.  Men on the other hand seem to shut down, and assume the rest of the world will be fine with that.   I don’t think I’ve shut down in at least 40 years.  Perhaps I’m just jealous.

Second:  BFF – Bodily Function Fascination.  Bodily functions, especially noisy ones, are a source of wonderment, pride and immense humor to males of all ages.  If I remember back far enough to my dating years, guys do seem capable of holding back on unpleasant noises and activities such as belching and passing gas in order to impress a woman about how much of a gentleman they can be .  But once they reach that comfort level – either from long-term courtship or marriage, they let it fly  — and with great glee.

I just don’t get it.  Why are BF’s fun to them and not disgusting?  Why does it happen so frequently and with such gusto?  Why is it not embarrassing to them?  We women will do whatever we can to avoid emitting certain unbecoming issues in front of others.  But not so with men.  This all starts at a young age.  Boys find certain BF’s completely hysterical and will have competitions,  comparisons and discussions with friends about them.  It can even serve as bonding moments between fathers and sons.

It does no good as Real Women to complain, attempt to change their diets, or threaten to hold back favors.  It won’t change the fact that apparently within the very core of their beings lays BFF.  Our only choice is to turn a blind eye, ear and nose to this, and focus instead on commisserating with OUR version of BFF’s.

For without our girlfriends and the other Real Women in our lives, we would never have the patience to accept these characteristics in our men and continue to believe our fairy tales that somewhere under those froggy exteriors are a few Princes.

 

Posted in Relationships | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Are We Settling for Two Stars?

Posted on September 25, 2012 by Real Women

It seems that never before have there been so many options available to us to go out to eat.  Food prepared and served to us is available virtually at any hour of the day or night.  We can eat in, take out, or have it brought to our homes.

And as a Real Woman, I look forward to those special days or nights when I can venture out for a meal that I have not had to plan, cook, serve, and clean up after.  It really is a treat.

Or is it?

For as quickly as our options have been on the increase, it seems at the same time the quality and service experience is decreasing.   Sure, there are some restaurants out there that still deserve a 5-star rating.  But they seem to be few and far between, and that great experience seems to come with a much higher price tag.  Why is that?  Shouldn’t we have an excellent experience wherever we choose to go?

Here are just a few recent personal examples:

  • During a weekend away, my family and I went exploring to find a place for breakfast.  We decided to go solely by food choice listings on our car’s GPS, which I realize was a gamble.  We found a place that looked like it had been in business for at least 4 decades.  Sadly, the interior looked like it had not been cleaned or updated in all that time.  The carpet was so filthy I tried not to look at it. We would have changed our minds, but we were hungry – and often the “best” food can be found at “those little holes-in-the-wall.”  I didn’t want to think about the condition of the kitchen. It took so long to get our food, we almost told them to cancel the order so we could get on with our day.  And after the long wait, and no apology, the food was mediocre at best.  We left wondering why they were still in business.
  • There is a sandwich shop (part of a national chain) near my work.  Without fail, anytime I have gone there, one of the food preparers has been sitting on the bench directly next to the front door, smoking.   I am an avid non-smoker, so inhaling this as I’m walking in to order my food is repugnant to me.  Invariably, as I walk in, the smoker puts out their cigarette, follows me in, thankfully washes their hands, and begrudgingly gets behind the counter to take my order while talking to one of the other workers.   Somehow that diminishes my appetite.
  • Over the weekend, my son and I had a “date” night for dinner, and he chose a place that is a fairly typical family-friendly chain.  Shockingly, we were seated quickly, having apparently arrived in between the usual rushes and long wait times.  However, the place was incredibly noisy.  We placed our simple orders with the perky waitress.  Eventually, a different member of the wait staff brought us our food – which is something else I’ve noticed, that often there are frequently up to 3 different people who visit a table during a meal…and since the person delivering the food is not the person who took the order, they must guess or ask who’s meal is who’s.  The food was basic and ok, not stellar. My burger bun looked like someone had sat on it.  But more challenging was the fact we had not received any utensils or napkins.  Yet ANOTHER wait staffer stopped by with a plate of food looking for a home.  I said “no, not ours, but I’d be thrilled if you could bring us utensils and napkins.”  A couple minutes later, she brings us forks, saying “the knives will be coming.”  Then followed a few napkins.  Then followed the knives.  Later, the nice family next to us asked if we could spare a couple of napkins, as they had not received any either. I told them utensils and napkins were apparently by request only.

These recent experiences got me to wondering if we are just growing accustomed to inferior service and food quality?  If my husband is with us, he has no qualms about airing his disenchantment.  But even then, when we walk out, I doubt any changes will be made based on our complaints.

If the experience is bad enough, we will avoid going back there, and will most likely tell our friends. And yet I don’t see the trend truly changing for the better.  So we keep going out and about, bravely entering restaurants, our expectations at base level, hoping for at least two stars.

One of my favorite shows is “Restaurant Impossible”, where Chef Robert Irvine goes to failing restaurants in an attempt to save them.  He launches a crusade against disgusting kitchens, bad food and poor cooks or wait staff.   So very often I find myself sitting in a restaurant thinking “what would Robert say or do to this place?”  But sadly, there aren’t enough Roberts to go around to fix them all.  And apparently we Real Women and Real Families are so happy to get a break from our own kitchens that we’ll put up with mediocrity.

So let me ask you: When was the last time you had a truly wonderful dining out experience?   And when was the last time you had a poor to mediocre dining out experience?

I’m guessing you could answer the second question much more quickly than the first. Perhaps it is time to launch a crusade: RWACDE  (“Real Women Against Cr-ppy Dining Experiences”)…..   But first I have to go make dinner – where I can be assured of the outcome.

 

 

Posted in Food | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment

When the Clouds Blow In

Posted on September 21, 2012 by Real Women

It has been an odd week.  Not so much for me personally, I had a pretty good week.  No major stress issues or problems, I feel good, the weather has been beautiful, I even had a couple high points to my days.  But not so for several of the people in my life.

Stress has been swirling in the air for some reason, especially around many of my BFF’s and other friends and family.  One wasn’t feeling well but was still putting in extra hours at work to prepare for a big event. One was running herself ragged juggling far too much while getting her affairs in order before flying out of the country on a trip.  One was having personal issues at home. One had a falling out with a family member and had received bad news about a friend with health issues.  One lost a job while another was having sleepless nights due to the anxiety of a potential job change. It seemed everyone I connected with was having a just plain yucky week.

I’m not sure why these things seem to come in bulk quantity.  Sure, there is that saying that misery loves company, and there is some comfort in commiserating with someone else about the downfalls of a day.  But could there be some sort of cosmic connection, or phase of the moon, that creates a figurative Charlie Brown-esque black cloud over several people at once?

Perhaps it has more to do with the seasonal change.  Maybe our resilience and optimism is tempered due to the days growing shorter.  We know that these glorious sunny warm days are numbered, and the long winter is ahead.  Rumors abound lately about how this will be a “bad winter.”  I have heard more theories & predictions than usual about this…. folks are talking about the colors on wooly caterpillars, measuring the bushiness of squirrels tails, counting the number of berries on berry bushes — all supposed signs of what is in store for us in the coming months.  Is it no wonder that daily stresses and strains that we perhaps would normally be able to shake off are instead weighing us down more?

One thing is clear to me. That in order to regain a balance, those having a crummy week need to have some support from those that aren’t.  If it is my turn right now to be the one who can share a funny email, deliver a needed treat, make a call to say I care, or just be a sounding board or a dry shoulder to cry on, then I’m happy to do it.  Because I am very sure that at some point in the near future, I will be the one having the yucky week, and I’ll need the same thing in return from others.  This is real life.  As much as we hate to admit it, none of us are invincible, and we all need each other to lean on from time to time.

I like to call it the Real Women Cosmic Balance.

It works.

 

Posted in real women | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment