Real Women

Traditions are funny and fascinating things.

We live in a world where we constantly strive for newer, better, faster everything.  We daily play a game of “beat the clock”.  New technology is obsolete in weeks, fashions change with the seasons, and a Twitter post has the life span of an hour.  And yet, we still cling to certain stories, activities and routines that have been passed down through the ages.

Traditions force us to slow down just a bit.  They give us feelings of stability, unity, comfort…and in many cases, the warmth of memories of the past and loved ones who are no longer with us.  They can be based in religion, culture, family bonds…. Or even fall into the category of “I don’t know why we do it, we just always have.”

If we take a minute to think about our childhoods, it is often the traditions that we remember the best. Those things we could count on happening every year, or every season.  And what most amuses me is the number of things we still do even though they may no longer “make sense”.

Here’s an example.  Growing up with a blind brother, my mother frequently adapted certain activities so we all could participate in them together.  On Easter morning, we would come downstairs to find a string for each of us, leading into a certain area of the house.  This was our version of an egg hunt.  We’d follow our strings over furniture, under pillows, boxes, etc., to find our treats – and it put my brother on even ground with us as he followed his string to find his goodies too.  We of course thought this was perfectly normal, and for some time assumed that’s how all kids found their Easter eggs.  (Just like we thought that all board games had raised edges and braille on them.)

Because this tradition was an important memory for me, when I had a son, I continued it with him.  My son is not visually impaired or disabled, and really has no limitations.  Yet each Easter morning he is eager to follow his string around the house, finding treats until it ends at the kitchen table with his Easter basket.  Through the years, I of course explained to him why “we do it this way.”  He knows that it was a tradition that started for his Uncle. And for me, and my son, it is a remembrance of the Grandma he never got to meet.

Does it “make sense” that we use the string method?  Nope.  Is it a fun tradition?  Sure is.  Will he use it with his kids some day?  Who knows, but I am sure of one thing.  He’ll always remember it.

True Confession:  I use cheater chicken.

I swore I never would…that it is a waste of money to buy the pre-cooked, pre-seasoned, pre-cut packages of chicken when it “takes no time at all to cook up your own chicken breast.”  I can hear my ever-practical mother saying “how ridiculous that people would buy that” in my head.

Well….. sorry, mom.  There are nights after a long day of work, misc. after work errands, workouts or activities, homework review, and working around a family’s busy schedule, that warming up cheater chicken, putting ceasar dressing on it, and putting it in a wrap with some lettuce is dinner.   Is it gourmet?  Not in the slightest.  It most likely isn’t even terribly healthy.  But does it mean that within a few minutes, we can all stop what we are doing, and have supper together to reconnect before 10pm?  Yes.  And to me that means I’m not going to beat myself up over cheater chicken.  I’m going to be thankful for it.

And what about you?  What is your incredibly fast “cheater” dinner when you need it?  Please share, and maybe we can all add a little variety to our speed meals.

I hate grocery shopping. I find it to be time consuming, arduous, and stressful from a financial standpoint.

Let me counter that statement a bit by saying that I am forever thankful and blessed that I CAN grocery shop.  The fact that I can go to a store, pick out food, pay for it, and bring it home to my family is something none of us should ever take for granted – especially given the poverty and hunger in this world.

So, I appreciate it. But I don’t have to like it.  The whole process, from the meal planning to the list writing to the coupon clipping to the shopping to the loading of the car, to the putting it all away… Ugh.   And I buy a lot of food – because I cook a lot.  We rarely go out for meals, so I cook supper at home virtually every night, and we pack lunches for school and work (btw, a chore I hate as much as grocery shopping, but more on that another time).  I try to plan meals and shop for about 2 weeks at a time, but still need to go back on the “in between” weeks to replenish perishables, produce, etc.  I have actually had strangers stop and gasp at the amount I have in my cart.  This of course makes me feel like some sort of grocery freak.

Since I spend so much time there, I have come to recognize the various types of shoppers.  In a way,  people watching has been one way to keep my anger management in check while there.  I present to you my list of G.T’s. (Grocery Types).

1. The Pro’s – all modesty aside, I place myself in this group. Pro’s come to the store, list in hand, written in the order of the layout of the store. They have a set path, are shopping high quantities, and could probably tell you the location of an item almost as well as the employees.  As a matter of fact, they may be on a first name basis with some of the cashiers.  They have also developed an origami-feng-shui manner of grocery cart filling.
2. Fresh From the Gym’s – These are the petite, fit young women who stop in briefly to pick up a head of lettuce, a container of yogurt, and some hummus.  Even though they have just completed a 10-mile run, they look great. And I’m usually seeing them as I’m reaching for a pack of oreos.
3. Socialites – These shoppers greet shopping as a way to catch up with neighbors and friends. They may park for 20 minutes at the end of an isle for a chat, or greet a long lost friend with a hug in frozen foods.  My sister-in-law is like the Mayor of Wegman’s. She can’t go to the store without being greeted by a dozen or so people.  As for me, if I run into someone I know, it is generally either my good friend and neighbor, who also falls into category 1, or someone I haven’t seen in a long time when I look horrendous.
4. The Outta My Way’s –  In a rush, playing a game of beat the clock, these shoppers are on a mission to get in and out fast. They have a determined look on their face, smoke is flying off their cart’s wheels, and you had best just stay out of their way.
5. The Seniors – In many cases, the grocery store for seniors is an outing. It is a way to get some exercise and get out of their homes for a bit.  They have the time, God bless them, to roam the aisles, inspect each product and label at great length, and stop to have a chat with the store clerks.  Perhaps if I can ever retire, I will then enjoy the experience.
6. Men – yes, I’m sorry men, but I’m lumping you all into one group.  Some of you are entering this foreign land for the first time in years….you are bewildered, slightly terrified, try to get in and out without injury, only to go into complete shock at the register when you find out how expensive it has become.  Others of you may be single, and are casually hitting the 3 aisles you need, basket in hand, a completely un-stressful experience.  And then, bless your hearts, are husbands and dads who drew the short end of the stick and were sent to “do the shopping.”   No matter how hard you try, you will come home with not enough of the right stuff, and too much of the wrong stuff.  But your efforts are appreciated.
7. Cute Couples – Dating, newlyweds….these folks are happily shopping together, picking out food to make for dinner, enjoying their outing.  Or not enjoying it, as they are trying to raise a young family on a shoestring budget, and walk the store with a calculator in hand. I remember, I used to do that too, and the stress can be overwhelming.
8. The Bewildered – Either new in town, or just new to the store, these folks have no idea where to find anything.  Have no fear, Bewildereds, go find one of The Pro’s – they’ll help you out.
9. The Frequent Flyer – Shoppers who buzz in and out of the store frequently, buying only what they need for a day or two.  Often this applies the those who are single…. Although I have heard there are people who actually enjoy the grocery shopping experience, thus would like to visit often.  Foreign to me.
10. Shoppers with Helpers – aka, shopping with children. These are the folks attempting to push a cart that looks like a car and is 3 blocks long through narrow aisles, attempting to keep their kids happy and still manage to get most of what they need on their list before a tired-child meltdown occurs.  I feel for these folks, as many of us have “been there done that.”  I still have nightmares of a particular personal experience that included a high level of exhaustion, my son as a toddler, and an explosion of blueberries.  ‘Nuff said.

And one more thought to share… I call it “Murray’s Law”.  No matter how well I prepare in advance, how good my list is, I will ALWAYS return home, unpack everything, and within one hour learn there was at least one item we needed that I didn’t get.  Today it was paper towels.

Happy Shopping.

“Friends don’t let other friends dress like old ladies.”  – Rea Carver

Not long ago, I participated in a workshop where the presenter talked about the importance of having a personal Board of Directors.  His point was that we should all have a group of people who know us on a personal level who we can gather together from time to time for support, to talk through various challenges in our lives, to give us perspective, and from whom we can get energy and clarity.

I had a Personal Board of Directors meeting this weekend….otherwise known as “Chick’s Weekend.”   Each woman in this group of my friends is beautiful, intelligent, creative, strong, independent, talented, caring, and pee-in-your-pants funny.  They have each seen me at my worst, and my best.   After a Board Meeting, I feel blessed, centered, happy, energized and confident.  ( Although I often feel a bit fatter because these Board Meetings frequently involve lots of food and adult beverages!)  Time with these amazing REAL WOMEN helps put life in perspective… it helps me get back in touch with the important things in my life, to realize I’m not alone in my “real life wackiness”.  And the support is incredible.  Through career shifts, love life changes, health challenges, family issues – we are there for each other unconditionally.  We share openly with no fear of judgement, nor worries of breaches in confidentiality.

The other incredible thing for me with these Board Members is that I met each of them at a different time and stage of my life.  I have known each of them for anywhere from 10 years to 35. They are each at different phases in their lives with their own unique set of circumstances.  A couple of them live a few hours away, and a couple are local.  And yet, over the past several years, they have met each other, gotten along really well, and have created a sisterhood through common bonds and an appreciation for each other and life.

As with any truly successful Board Meeting, we end our time together with plans for the next meeting, and how we will stay in touch in the meantime.  Like family, these women are part of me, part of who I am, and I don’t know what I would do without them.  I will be forever thankful for that.

I challenge any one of you Real Women to tell me that at the end of any weekday evening, you simply decide to go to bed, and do just that.  You know, like men do.  When my husband decides it is bed time, up he goes.  Do not pass go, do not collect $200.

My “going to bed” process basically starts after my son is in bed.  But it can be anywhere between an hour and three hours before I’ve actually completed that task – especially if I dare actually take a half an hour off to sit and watch some tv or read.  There are any number of side-trips to be taken on that “going to bed” voyage: first there is picking up the shrapnel of the day…. (like video game cases that were “forgotten” in the “clean up” process, multiple pairs of dirty socks that just mysteriously appear, and every dog toy imaginable in odd places just waiting to be tripped on in the dark)…then there is the school lunch prep, the work lunch prep, start the dishwasher, switch the current load of laundry….write up a note for the dog-walkers, fill out a field trip approval form…water the plants that are shriveled from neglect, toss errant drink glasses into the sink, get the dog out to do his last evening pee.    I know I’m not alone in this tour of duty.

At some point, I manage to make it into the bedroom, usually carrying an arm load of what-not to be dealt with at a later date.  My hubby is cocooned in bed, the tv on, and looks at me with that confused look that I know means “where the heck have you been?”   I sometimes think he believes I’m having a late night party with stealth Chippendales men in the basement….after all, what else could be keeping me from coming to bed at bedtime??

“Remember to look through the windshield and not the rearview mirror, because you’ve already been there.”  – Leah Shaver

Today I took a day off for ME. Not for a sick child, not for a school function, not for doctor’s appointments, not for family obligations, not for travel.  Just for me.

When was the last time you took a day just for yourself?

Let me guess. At least ¾ of you just read that and snorted slightly, and thought “I don’t have time.” Or  “I can’t afford it.” Or “Yeah, right, I wish.”    Yup, I used to think that too.   Until a few years ago, when actually it was my husband who encouraged me to take my first “Mental Health” day.  Don’t let him know I said this, but he was right.  I was surprised how much I needed it, and how peaceful and helpful it was. Since then I have taken a few days, or half days, each year as Me Days.

Now, today was an unusual, extra special Me Day.  Thanks to the generosity of a friend with a gift certificate, and a birthday check from my father, I spent close to 4 hours in a nearby Day Spa.  I had a wonderful woman give me a massage that worked out kinks in my back I didn’t even know I had. I had a mani and pedi, and even a haircut. It was all a slice of heaven.  BUT – generally speaking, my Me Days are much more simple and affordable than this.  Depending on weather, I have spent Me Days with a packed lunch, a blanket, a good book or a journal and hung out by a local pond.  Or roamed around the gardens in a park.  Or gone for a long bike ride. Or just wandered through a mall, window shopping, at my own pace, going in stores only I feel like checking out.

Everyone’s idea of a Me Day of course is different.  Over time, I have developed a few simple rules for my Mental Health Days.  Again, this is just me, but they work well:

1. Put my phone on silent.  I will check it off and on to make sure no emergencies have popped up, but with it set on silent I am not feeling compelled to check work alerts, emails, phone calls, etc. until I feel like it.  Even better if I can leave the phone in the car.
2. No Beat the Clock.  A hard and fast rule, I refuse to play “beat the clock” on my Me Days.  My only time deadline is when I need to be back home at the end of the day. Otherwise, no rushing, no deadlines, no “I have to be there by….”
3. I don’t go home.  Some people are great at being able to just relax and hang out at home. Not me. If I’m home, I’m going to do chores. And chores are NOT allowed on Me Days.
4. Be alone.  Sure, there is a definite joy in meeting a friend for lunch, or having a good phone conversation with someone.  But for the most part, Me Days are just me.  I rarely have any time alone, and I begin to crave it.  These days allow for a reconnection with me, myself and I.
5. Empty the negative details.  The peace and quiet of a Me Day can be a good time to work through some challenges or issues you’ve been dealing with.  But I make sure that I keep the heavy brain work to a minimum.  More importantly, I empty out all the yuck and the stress and the negativity. I breathe deeply, and I think about how lucky I am, and about all the things I am grateful for…and sometimes, I just zone out and watch ducks swim on a pond.  It is that simple, and that lovely.

So let me ask my question again:  When was the last time you took a day for yourself?   Isn’t it about time?

I was reading an article today in a health magazine.  It was the feature article about the young celebrity du jour.  She is what I call an SHH = Super Healthy Human.  She and her loving hubby have both become vegans.  They grow their own perfect vegetables on their estate. She uses only natural makeup.  She cleans her house (come on, does she really clean her own home?!) with a natural mix of vinegar and water only.  She does daily pilates and meditation.  She does it all, to healthy perfection.

Articles like that only serve to make me feel insufficient.  They make me feel like I should be guilty because I ate pizza this week, that I use store-bought household cleaners, that I missed a night of working out, and that I – gasp – put chemicals on my skin.  

And I thought why can’t we each be proud of ourselves when we make just ONE beneficial change in our lives?  Why do we have to read about these SHH’s, whose lifestyles and habits most of us will never come close to matching?  Why can’t we read about, and celebrate, the woman who had a fast-food burger on Tuesday, but gave up soda, regularly recycles, and lost two pounds last week?

Well, guess what.  HERE is where we, real women, can do that!   Please share ONE healthy change you have made recently, and we will stand up and cheer, telling you how awesome you truly are.

I’ll start…

• I exercise a minimum of an hour a day, but shoot for more.
• I have tried to get my family to eat more whole wheat/whole grains. This has not been completely successful.  Do I get points for trying?
• I gave up Oreos for Lent. Does that count?

Yay Me!

Ok, your turn!

“Age becomes reality when you hear someone refer to ‘that attractive young woman standing next to the woman in the green dress,’ and you find that you’re the one in the green dress.”  — Lois Wyse

With my impending birthday, I thought this was an appropriate topic for today’s post. 

It just happens.  One day you are driving down the road, or typing on the keyboard, you glance down and realize… you have your mother’s hands.

Recently I was treating myself to a manicure.  And as the nice young woman was attempting to create something beautiful out of my abused nails, I looked down at my hands under the bright light and thought “OMG, are those age spots?!?”

Little moments like this are happening more and more.  My BFF’s and I text each other when we’ve noticed in the rear view mirror on the way to work that we suddenly have found a new wrinkle that we swear was not there yesterday.  Or after spending a Sunday afternoon fitting in a workout, followed by 3 hours of house cleaning, my back and knees are screaming at me.  Or that 5- 10- 25- 50- extra pounds we may be carrying just won’t come off as easily as they used to by simply upping the exercise and decreasing the fat intake.  Worse, we have cute names for our ugly parts, like “muffin tops”, “arm flaps” and “eye baggage.”   And don’t get me started on the effects of gravity.  I do believe that literally everything on my body is either pointing south, or as moved south by at least 2 inches.

Yes, aging is inevitable.  And somehow, it becomes easier and easier to see after the age of 45. No matter how well we take care of ourselves, watch what we eat, stay active, exercise, avoid harmful sun rays… it is going to happen. And either we accept it graciously, or we go down kicking and screaming.

I can honestly say I am one of the latter.  I have always had a rather warped fear of aging.  And although I don’t believe I’ll ever succumb to treatments like botox, liposuction or lifts (frankly, I’m just too scared of them), the thought of spending time in some sort of high-tech cryogenic chamber to delay old age is appealing.

I have an enormous respect and admiration for women who embrace their age, who say that each milestone is better than the last… because you know what?  Those women have a natural beauty and confidence that is inspiring.  Maybe I’ll get there….. I can at least say that I’ll try.  I can honestly say that there are parts of my youth that I in no way would want to re-live.  But to have my 30-something body back?  Now THAT would be nifty.  Since that can’t happen, I somehow need to learn to love my older self, and look forward to the second half of my life.

Perhaps I can somehow spiritually channel Betty White into my psyche….. because lord knows, THAT woman has somehow figured it all out.  She rocks.

I have the joy and blessing to have simply amazing REAL women in my life.  My mom was at the top of that list, and I hope each day as she watches me from heaven, she is proud of me.  I think she is, because she sends me signs.  But more about that in a future entry.

The women in my life are each amazing, strong, beautiful, and most of all share an accepting, unconditional love for me and each other.  We make each other laugh, we make each other feel a bit less crazy, we give each other the support we all need.  Cheaper and by far more fun than formal therapy!

One has a smile that lights up a room.  One has a laugh that makes you laugh when you hear it. One has incredible strength and has fought and beat cancer.  One is the master of balancing family and work.  One is strong and independent.  One is an entrepreneur, with no fear of trying new business ventures.  They ALL, in their own way, are smart, creative, funny and appreciate life. And hopefully none of them will mind if I share a few stories involving them in upcoming posts!  Until then, here are a few pics of just a handful of these incredible REAL women.

I love you all — thank you for being you.

Who is an amazing REAL woman in your life? 

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