Real Women

Ever feel like you are usually the one that ends up getting the last of something that has to be replaced?

Like pulling off the last square of paper towel off the roll.  Or the last tiny piece of toilet paper.  Or the last 3 sips of juice from the container in the fridge.  Or the last 3 tablespoons of cereal, which isn’t enough for a full bowl.  Or like this morning, when I came in to work, went to fill up my water bottle, and the bubbler tank was empty.

And why is it that it feels like we are ALWAYS the last ones to use these items and have to do the replacing?  Or is that just me?

Perhaps it is because, as Real Women, we don’t have a staff to go around our environments to make sure all our needs are met and our supplies are replenished.  Nope, we have well-meaning family and co-workers who hopefully aren’t really TRYING to be the next-to-last, but are probably glad when they are.

And here’s what drives me even more crazy – finding out someone in your household used the last of something but then neglected to mention it.  So for example you go to cook dinner and suddenly realize a key ingredient is gone from the shelf.  Or you have a spill to clean up and realize the paper towels are gone.

As a little girl, I dreamed of having the same powers as Barbara Eden on I Dream of Jeannie.  I thought it would be so cool to be able to cross my arms and blink and move things, or make things appear.  I actually used to practice this around the house, but with no success.  Think how handy that would be in the scenarios I have described.  Never again would you have to run down 2 flights of stairs to get a new roll of toilet paper in a rush because you need a bio break.  Never again would you run out of milk for your son’s breakfast.  BLINK and it is replenished.   But, of course, I wouldn’t want to stop there… BLINK and the ironing is done, BLINK and the dishes are clean and put away, BLINK and the piles on my desk are gone…..

Oh, my, think of the possibilities!

I have become increasingly frustrated that our weekends are spent packing in all the “stuff” we can’t get to during the week.  We Real Women play beat the clock filling our two days with things like laundry, groceries, cleaning, yard work, sporting events, family obligations, civic duties, errands…. the list is endless.  It seems so very unfair that we work so hard all week at our jobs, then spend Saturday and Sunday working just as hard at everything else.   It leaves me wondering, what happened to the fun?  Where’s the leisure?

A few months ago I was having a heart-to-heart with one of my dearest BFFs, and she was sharing with me that she was feeling completely overwhelmed with everything that is heaped on her plate.  That she was getting pulled under by the enormity of the “gotta do’s”, and was losing her sense of self, and it was being replaced by stress and unhappiness.   My advice at the time for her was to start small, and take just ONE thing off her list each day or each week. ONE thing that truly didn’t HAVE to be done… and keep going until she could realize that it really is ok to let some things slide, to simplify, to not be 100% perfectly on top of EVERYTHING all the time.

This weekend I decided to take my own advice.  I picked one thing to take off my list. It had to be something that was fairly substantial, a conscious decision – not something that just happened to fall off the list due to lack of time or energy at the end of the day.   So this weekend I did not clean my house.  This is a big deal for me.  Unless I am out of town, I spend a chunk of every weekend cleaning.  Does it bother me just a little that it didn’t get done?  Sure it does, and I know darn well that I will be chipping away at it a little bit every night this week to catch up.  But was it the end of the world?  Nope. Are my boys bothered by the fact that I didn’t vacuum, dust, sweep, etc.?  I don’t think so – as a matter of fact, I don’t think they have even noticed.

By taking this one thing off my list, it gave me the time to take my son to go play some tennis with me for the first time.   Then I sat in the sunshine and read a book.  I even snuck in an extra walk with Juke the Dog.  And those activities felt great.

Tonight I won’t be walking across shiny floors, or using gleaming fresh-smelling bathrooms.  But I feel just a little bit calmer and less exhausted — because I finally had a taste of a little bit of weekend in my weekend.

p.s.  Many thanks to BFF Maria for the visual I’m using on this post — she created this for me because she too is a Real Woman.

It is not my intention for this blog to be a forum for extensive man-bashing.  After all, this is about all of us Real Women and how fabulous we are.  However, I do believe that from time to time, we will need to have brief discussions about the Real Men in our lives, due to the fact that their actions do have an effect on us.  And, ok, truth be told, it can be an entertaining topic.

In my recent posts, I have discussed lists, organization and multi-tasking.  These are skills that set us apart from our male counter parts.  Men are simply not wired to multi-task.  If you have one activity, one problem that needs solving, or one situation for analysis, give it to a man. This is where they excel.  (Unless of course your man has ADD, in which case I think you are just plain screwed, and hopefully he’s just cute and happy and fun to be with.)  But do not throw multiple tasks at them at once.  It will only stress them out, and frustrate you.

Similarly, I have learned over the years that it is pointless to hand my husband a Honey-Do list of 8 or more items to be accomplished sometime over the next week.   Such a list is too overwhelming for a man, and they need much clearer guidelines for prioritization and time frame.  I have far more success by requesting one thing at a time, with a deadline.  For example, “could you fix that light fixture this afternoon?”, and “can you take these packages to UPS tomorrow?”.    Done.  With minimal confusion, complaints or frustration.

I’m sure there are a few of you out there who have a mate who has taken over some domestic duties like getting the kids off to school in the morning, or making dinner at night, which on the surface appear to be multi-tasking activities.  First of all, I applaud you both, bravo.  But secondly, I encourage you to take a moment to see how those activities are being accomplished.   The morning routine is likely something like this to the man:  Child to be dressed by 7am.  Breakfast completed by 7:20. Walk dog by 7:40.  Out to wait for bus at 7:50.   He is not ALSO doing things like emptying the dishwasher, ironing a shirt to wear, leaving notes for the sitter, and starting a load of laundry.  If he is making dinner, I similarly doubt he is at the same time reviewing homework, cleaning up the kitchen, answering emails, carrying on three conversations and sorting the mail.

Men, like children and pets, thrive on routine. Once they have one established, do not mess with it.  It will only throw them into chaos.  If you want success, a positive outcome, and less stress, let them do it their way no matter how much it drives you crazy.  I’m sure our multi-tasking “scurrying” drives them crazy too.  I’m sure my husband would probably love it if I started dinner, then while it was cooking, sat down to have an uninterrupted conversation with him.  Sounds lovely.  However, I don’t know how or when everything else would get done…

…and besides, I’m just not wired to do one thing at a time.

“I need to look like an idiot at least twice a day to keep myself humble. ”   Twelve Sharp – J. Evanovich
One of my simple joys is reading.  I know there are many others out there with the same joy. I was an English major in college.  I studied a wide variety of literature.  I have a great appreciation for the people out there who still read Classics, major works of literature, biographies of important people, and deep philosophical pieces.

As for me, the older I get, the more fluff I read.  It is true, I admit it.  I want escapism.  I want something that I can easily pick up and enjoy, characters that are interesting, plots that aren’t too complex, something that makes me laugh or lets me get lost in another world.   My current favorite authors:  Janet Evanovich, Elin Hilderbrand and Nora Roberts.  All you other Janet fans out there will immediately be able to answer:  Morelli or Ranger?

Same goes for movies. …. Again, I want escapism and amusement. I don’t want to be horrified, terrified, or disgusted.   I want to be entertained or entranced.  I can tell you that if it is a romantic comedy, I have seen it.  Go ahead – test me.  Tell me your favorite romantic comedy – and if I haven’t seen it, I will want to.  (A few Fav’s:  Only You, You’ve Got Mail, The Holiday, and Bridesmaids)

Maybe my desire for light and fluffy entertainment is a sign of the times, of how jam-packed my life is with the reality of deadlines, stress and general craziness…Or maybe it is because I feel like daily news already deluges us with enough bad, dark ugly things that I don’t need more.   I remember my mom used to say “I don’t need to watch Soap Operas. I have friends and family.”   She had a point there.  I used to feel vaguely guilty about my “fluff escapism” mode.  I used to promise to myself that “next time” I’ll read something heavier, “more important”,  or watch something more deep.   But why?  I am who I am, and what I read and watch makes me happy.

Any of you want to admit that you love a little fluff in your life too?

I have noticed an interesting phenomenon.  Virtually everyone I know has a pet.  I do too.  I’m not sure how, or even when, the tides changed from pet ownership being an exception to now being the norm.  Even people who I generally wouldn’t guess to be animal-kinds of people end up being pet owners.

Besides the big-breed animals, like horses, pigs and cows, the majority of pets of course are dogs or cats.  Yet many folks I know have both – and they don’t stop there… they add on hamsters, fish, birds, frogs…. you name it. I grew up in a pet household, so it feels natural to me to have someone furry in the house.  There are a myriad of reasons we Real Women become pet owners –  it could be, like me, that we grew up with them — or possibly because the men in our lives are pet owners, or because of loneliness, to help rescue abandoned critters, or, of course, due to pressure from our kids.

But no matter what the reason, one thing is for sure.  Our pets get us wrapped around their paws in a heartbeat.  Within weeks, days, even minutes, our lives become “all about them.”  We spoil them more than we spoil the humans in our lives.  We forget they are animals, as they literally become part of the family.  We buy them toys, treats, sometimes even outfits and shoes.  (Clearly I’m talking about cats and dogs here, I’d hate to try to get a tiny raincoat on a pet frog.)  We will rush them to the vet when they have a cut paw while we are suffering from the flu.  We will make sure we stop after work to get them their food so they don’t go without, thus putting off our own grocery shopping.  We are pre-occupied with their welfare, making sure they get exercise (do I have time to get him to the doggy park tonight?), worried they are lonely while we are at work (I better leave the radio on for her), make sure we have someone available to care for them when we are out of town or unavailable (did I make reservations at doggy camp for the weekend we are away?), and we take a zillion photos of them.

And, fess up – most of us hug, kiss, and cuddle our pets, potentially even more than our spouses.  My husband has made comments about growing a long tail and big ears so I’ll greet him as exuberantly at the end of the day as I do my dog. Many of us allow our pets on to our furniture, even our beds.  “Aww, but it is so cute that he wants to snuggle up to my son at night”….  yup, we all do the things we swore we’d never do BEFORE we became pet owners.

What truly slays me is the personalities and “voices” we give our pets. After all, in our minds, they are furry humans.  So we will interpret their thoughts, their moods, and we will speak for them, giving them funny voices.  And we will talk directly to them as if they understand every word.  Yes, I know, we all are CONVINCED that our pets are the smartest animals in the world (well, most of them – just like humans, every now and then we’ll have a pet that has to get by solely on its looks rather than its intelligence.)

All we ask in return, apparently, is some level of obedience, loyalty and never-ending unconditional love.  Luckily, for most pets, those are easy goals to reach.  I was actually hesitant in getting a dog, because I knew darn well that I would fall head-over-heels in love, as would my family, and there is always the fear that a pet’s time with us will be cut too short.  But I realized that was no excuse to deprive my son especially of learning the responsibilities, and experiencing the joys, of pet ownership.  And as much as I dread the day that our beloved Juke the Dog is no longer with us, I will never regret that he’s part of our family.  Besides, if we didn’t have him, I shudder to think the economic blow that Petco would experience because I wasn’t shopping there for all the goodies he “needs”.

As I am writing this post, he has wedged his large body under the desk to lay snoring at my feet.  Muse?  Maybe not.  But good luck charm and awesome foot-warmer?  You bet.

Take a look at this picture.

She’s beautiful, isn’t she?

Now look closer, and imagine her with no make-up.  Suddenly she looks like she is maybe 13, and could be one of our daughters.

If I enlarged this image, you’d see she is modeling a lovely purple lace bra for Victoria’s Secret.

Am I wrong that I find this a bit disturbing?  Am I just getting old and crotchety?  Am I just jealous, and pining away for my lost youth?  Should I just go along with the fact that young girls are selling sexy lingerie, being portrayed as much older than they are?  I admit that I don’t know who this model is.  Perhaps she is actually in her 20’s with a very youthful face.  But I doubt it.

I am well aware that our teenagers are growing up and maturing, at least physically, much more quickly than we did when I was a teen.  And, those teenage girls are shopping at Victoria’s Secret.  And I’m pretty confident that no one was holding a gun to this young lady’s head to force her pose for a well-known, popular fashion retailer.

But are we (the media, Hollywood, retailers, the internet) encouraging our children to grow up too fast?  What happened to running around like a tom boy, or giggling over celebrity magazines, or even, GASP, playing with dolls and toys?   What happened to being a little girl?  Does that only happen now from age 6 – 10?  Then BAM, it is adulthood?  Is this how we are training our “Real Women” of the future?

I realize I may be over-reacting.  After all, I have a son, no daughters.  As it is, I see my son growing up way too fast – at 11, he’s struggling between those days of being a cute, fun little boy vs. starting to act like a cool dude teenager.  So I can only imagine how much more challenging it can be to have a daughter.  As much as I’d be proud of my beautiful daughter for growing up to be a successful model, (if that is what makes her happy), I know I wouldn’t be comfortable seeing her modeling lingerie for the world before she’s even out of high school.

Ok, I will now step down off of my soap box. Because I think I’ll go see if my son wants to play a game or watch cartoons before it is too late.

I enjoy accessorizing.  I don’t have the knack for changing my hand bag each day to match my attire, and I don’t have a flair for scarves.  But fun jewelry?  I’m all over it.

Even more to the point, I love bargain jewelry.  Now, I do have several beautiful and valuable pieces that my husband has given me over the years, and a few that I inherited from my mother.  But for the most part, my jewelry armoire is jammed-packed with costume jewelry.  And yes, I “had” to invest in a jewelry chest, a drawer or box was no longer cutting it.

I fervently believe that you can find the coolest looks at a minimal cost.  I love shopping at fun shops like Frencesca’s or Sparkle.  I get some great finds at Dress Barn and Kohl’s, or at “jewelry parties” with Lia Sophia and Park Lane.  Honestly, I rarely spend over $30 for any jewelry piece.  And the best part is I frequently get compliments on my bling.

I have a wonderful story to tell related to this topic.

Recently, a BFF and I spent a weekend in NYC.  Just because, we felt it necessary to stroll through Sacks on 5^th Avenue to see all the beautiful items at ridiculously high prices.  We had fun playing the “guess the price” game.  Who knew that simple scarf would be $800?   Because we both enjoy sparkle, we thought a browse through their fine jewelry area would be entertaining.  We were greeted by two women, whose real names I shall protect and now call Thelma and Louise.   Thelma complimented my friend’s earrings, asking if they were a certain designer’s work.  BFF admitted they were not, but kindly did not tell her they were off the multi-hook rack at Dress Barn.  We continued on, and Louise, having no better customers to wait on at the moment, assisted us with looking at some lovely silver and pearl earrings and bracelets.  We found out she once lived near our town, but she was quick to tell us that at that time, our town was “a cow pasture.”   I tried on a lovely bracelet with a price tag of approximately  $400.  My friend, knowing my bargain-hunting nature, smirk in place, encouraged me to possess it.   Since I was soon to be going on vacation with my family to Florida, I said “gee, I don’t know, get this bracelet, or go on vacation?”   To which Louise looked down her nose at me and said “hmpf, cheap vacation.”   It was painfully obvious she had not left 5^th Avenue in the past 40 years and had lost all touch with reality.

Of course, for the next hour or so after departing the store, I thought of a myriad of snappy come-backs, much too late of course to use.   Instead, my BFF and I used Louise as the butt of our inside jokes and hysterical laughter until we quite literally pee’d our pants.

Then I went home and enjoyed picking out several of my beautiful bargain accessories to take with me to look amazing on vacation.