A Quick Real-Life Thought

This was one of those mornings when I was trying to fit way too much into the time I had, and I had about a million things on my mind.  Rushing around, I dropped cereal all over the floor, I forgot and left laundry in the washer so it will now sit wet all day, the garage door wouldn’t close properly, I was running late to work…. you know the drill.  Then I stepped outside and headed to work.  And it is one of those spectacularly beautiful late-spring days. Crystal clear, sunny, dry, perfect temperature. Everything is green and blooming and beautiful.  If the weather wasn’t enough of a sign, I got one more — as I was stopped at an intersection right before I turned in to work, one of the cars driving through the other way was a hearse.   And I realized that I am so happy to be alive and healthy and here today.  I am glad I can complain about spilled cereal and soggy clothes, and I am glad I have so much going on with my life and my family that I can feel this full of “stuff.”

So ladies, be happy today with your craziness.  Because it sure beats the alternative.

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Remember

I have been comforted to see several postings on social media outlets this weekend encouraging people to remember the true meaning behind Memorial Day.  This isn’t a weekend that was created just for 3 days of BBQ-ing.  Granted, I love the fact that we spent all day yesterday relaxing, hanging with friends, and enjoying the kick-off to summer weather … and any time I’m offered a 3-day weekend, I will accept it with a big goofy smile on my face.

However, we need to remember that there is the very real chance we wouldn’t have the opportunity to enjoy our relaxation and our freedom, if it weren’t for the very real women and men in our country’s Armed Forces…and more to the point today, to those who lost their lives protecting us.

For those of us who don’t currently have loved ones in the military, it is difficult to imagine –or even come close to understanding — what it must be like to lose a spouse, a sibling, a parent or a friend to war or other military “conflict”, as the government seems to like to call them.  The strength of the families who go through such a loss is inspiring, and I hope we always remember to support them with honor, respect and pride.

Perhaps one way to realize the importance of today is to bring it home as best as we all can.  For me, all I have to realize is that if my Dad, God forbid, had not returned home from the Korean War, my mom would have lost her fiancé, and my siblings and I and the next generation would not be here today.  Wow. That is pretty sobering.

So if you know a Veteran, meet a Veteran, or know anyone who lost a Veteran, be sure today to give them a hug and say thank you.  Then go ahead and throw a burger on the grill, get out the backyard games, jump in the pool and celebrate with enthusiasm the fact that we are free, we are alive, and we together are the USA.

 

 

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Road Trips

“Why aren’t we flying?  Because getting there is half the fun.”  – Clark Griswald

 

We Real Women, with our real families, spend a whole lot of time in our cars.  There is commuting back and forth to work, there is chauffeuring children and family members, and there    are endless errands….and, on weekends such as this holiday weekend, there are road trips.

We don’t have limo drivers to deliver us in comfort to our destination. We don’t have private chartered planes to zoom us quickly to our next stop.  We have the family car, suv, or truck.  We generally travel by car because it is supposed to be the most affordable way to travel (although recent gas prices have made me wonder if this is really still the case), and with our own cars, we can set our own schedules.  Traveling by other means, like train, bus or air, can not only be extremely expensive, but in many cases is no longer enjoyable. When was the last time anyone had a pleasant, fun experience with air travel?

So we pack our belongings, family and pets into the car, gas up, and head out.  Today one of my co-workers happily welcomed her sister after she drove about six hours to arrive on the doorstep.  Our good friends who live next door just minutes ago greeted weary family travelers who had a very long drive through several states and heavy traffic to reach their destination.   As for us this weekend, we are keeping our travel to a minimum – just a day trip tomorrow to meet some family at a half-way point for lunch.  Yet next weekend we will pack up again to drive north to go camping.

I grew up experiencing family road trips.  As the youngest of four, I was practically born in the car.  We did regular trips to visit family members in other states, and for family vacations – always by car, and usually towing our tent camper.  I have very clear memories of our times on the road.  Mom would pack a picnic dinner so we could get on the road as soon as dad was home from work, and we’d stop along the way at a picnic table to eat – saving time and money.  In an attempt to avoid stopping at service stations every five miles, mom would limit our liquid intake.  One special “treat” of one can of soda would be opened and passed around for all of us to share.   Or, mom would break out grapes for us to have – and after several hours in the car in a ziploc bag, they were no longer refreshing.  I remember my brother and I sitting in the “way back” of the station wagon, our own little village set up back there.  In those days of course we didn’t have hand-held video games to keep us occupied, or portable DVD players.  We relied on reading, car games, and singing. To this day my Dad will cringe if he hears the opening strains to “Oats, Peas, Beans and Barley Grow.”   Dad would do his best to entertain us by pointing out animal sightings along the way… preferably alive, not road kill.

The comforts and conveniences within the closed doors of our vehicles have changed over the years, as have the highways, and the performance of the vehicles.  But not so much else has changed. We will still travel great distances to have time with family, and to get away for vacations.  We will have to put up with occasional traffic jams, poor weather conditions, late nights, crying babies, whimpering pets, toll booths, unique pit stop areas and unhealthy road trip food.  All we can hope is that we arrive at our destinations safely, and with all inhabitants of the vehicle still speaking to each other.  After all, nothing beats the welcoming hug of family or friends when we get there, nor the stories we can tell about the journey.

To any of you traveling this weekend, be safe, Godspeed, and enjoy.

 

 

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Shapeshifting

With the change of seasons comes the change of clothing in our closets. Here in New England, that means putting away the sweaters, turtlenecks and wool pants and bringing out the light skirts, tshirts and sandals.

I have fond memories of my mom and I tackling my closet when I was a young girl, sorting through all the clothes I had outgrown that could be donated.  I was a string bean, and regularly out grew clothes due to height far before they fit correctly around the waist.  We’d make note of things that needed replacing. If it was necessary and practical, my mom would buy it for me or make it for me. (Sewing was a required learned skilled in our house.)  If there was something frivolous that I wanted, I could either save my own money to buy it, or make it myself.  I remember with pride saving my pennies to triumphantly buy my own pair of wooden Dr. Scholl sandals, which mom was convinced I’d twist an ankle on, and she cringed every time she heard me clomping across the floor in them. But a deal was a deal, and I loved them.

I sort through my son’s clothing with him a couple times of year as well, however the process for a tween boy is much quicker and less exciting. In his world, all he wants to know is if the clothes fit, and if they are comfortable.  He firmly told me “mom, boys don’t care about being all matchy.”

And, of course, a couple times of year it is my turn to sort my own closet.  Gone are the days when I have outgrown my clothing due to a height change.  However, how our clothes fit due to weight changes is a constant variable.  All Real Women have fat pants and skinny pants in our closets, and we don’t need to discuss here which ones are worn more often.  But what gets me is not really the gaining or losing of weight, it is how clothes can suddenly not fit or look right from year to year.  Even if I maintain the same weight according to the scale, as I get older I am apparently going through some sort of cosmic shapeshifting.   Gravity pulls certain parts lower than they were before, there’s the stomach pootch to contend with, and I swear overall I’m getting even more short-waisted than I’ve always been. I fear that by the time I’m 60 my hips and boobs will be next-door neighbors.  So a blouse that just last year looked fine suddenly doesn’t look good at all this year…or a dress I used to wear now looks like I’m trying to be 16 again and failing miserably.   And guess what — I rarely tuck in anymore.  Tucking in is apparently a style only for the under-30 crowd.

As a kid, my shapeshifting was exciting – I was getting taller, or developing a figure.  As a middle-aged Real Woman, my shapeshifting is annoying and a wee bit depressing.   But every time I pull together a pile of clothes to be donated, I can feel at least like maybe I’m helping out someone who needs some decent clothes and will look great in them.  Then I make myself feel better by treating myself to a little Retail Therapy to find a few new replacement items… and make sure I bring a fellow shapeshifting BFF with me for mutual compassion and laughter in the dressing rooms.

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Multiple Jobs

“Total commitment to family and total commitment to career is possible, but fatiguing.”   — Muriel Fox

Today, as so often happens, I had one of those mornings when I arrived at work, (or shall I call it my paying job), and took a moment to just breathe and shift gears, because I felt like I had already put in a full day….yet  it was only 8:30am.

And it started me thinking about how many “jobs” we Real Women have.  Sure, many of us have more than one source of income – you may work at a couple different employers, with a variety of shifts….but what about all of those other non-paying jobs you hold down every day?   Even if you have a unique schedule (maybe you work a night shift, for example, or you are a stay-at-home mom), I believe you will still find that your day is broken into something similar to the following roles:

Rise ‘n Shine Captain – Your first job of the day kicks in as soon as that alarm goes off in the morning.  You of course need to get yourself up and dressed and ready for your day; however you most likely are also getting others in your household ready for their day.  Children, husband, pets, other family members…. It doesn’t really matter who or what those other household inhabitants are, they still need the Captain to steer them in the right direction.  The Captain is in charge of such duties as lunch making, coffee brewing, pet walking, breakfast prep and clean up, backpack or briefcase packing, note writer, plant waterer, lost item finder, last-minute crisis diverter….the list is seemingly endless.  Yet the priority items must be accomplished in a short time frame before you go to your next job:

Regular Job Associate – This is the job that you (hopefully) get paid for.  You need to be driven, sharp as a tack, professional,  and able to separate your focus as far as possible from those non-paying jobs, even going so far as to pretend you don’t have any other obligations in life.  If you must have a piece of the rest of your life overlap into this job, attempt to keep the interruption minimal.  Give your employer 110%, even though job #1 has already claimed 50% of you.  Be amazing for the next 8 – 10 hours.

Speed Racer – As soon as you depart Job #2, the race is on. You will now fit an unrealistic number of activities into the next 3 or so hours, such as:  errands, sporting events, homework review, dinner prep, pet walking, daily clean up, calls to return, and let’s not forget to keep ourselves healthy by fitting in some exercise!  It doesn’t matter if jobs #1 & 2 tired you out, you must prevail upon your second wind to be successful here.

Preparations Manager –   As the evening winds down and the rest of the world is preparing for sleep, your job as Preparations Manager is to make sure that all errant shrapnel from the day has been tidied up, and you prepare for the following day with whatever energy you have left.  Because you know that any work the Preparations Manager can accomplish means slightly less that the Rise ‘n Shine Captain will have to take on.  Laundry loads are switched, school and work materials are prepped, meals are planned, lists are made, and the household is secured for the night.  If you are very lucky, you will fit in time for the Preparations Manager’s alter ego:  Detox Dame.  Not enough time is devoted to this role, which is dedicated to sitting and watching tv, looking through a magazine, or just plain breathing and relaxing.  But if you don’t allow for Detox Dame to do her job, then slowing down enough to sleep will  challenge.

Yes, Real Women, we have several jobs. And we push ourselves to do them all expertly.  We ask for simple benefits in return – like appreciative hugs from children, a wagging tail from a pet, an occasional backrub from a partner, a glass of wine, or ten minutes of peace and quiet to soak in the tub.  Carry on!

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Guilty Pleasures

“Give a girl the right shoes and she can conquer the world”  — Marilyn Monroe

Come on, fess up….We Real Women all have little things we do, buy, eat, or entertain ourselves with that help us through our days.  Small bits of joy that give us a little boost or just make us feel good.  And no, I’m not talking about big guilty pleasures that late-night movies are made of, like running off with Sven the pool boy.  Nope, I’m talking about those brief escapes from reality.  These escapes have no redeeming qualities, and may not even be that good for us – hence why we usually keep them to ourselves.

But because I trust you other Real Women out there, I’ll share a few of my guilty pleasures:

Shoes

I love shoes.  Really, they make me happy.  High heels, cute flats, funky boots, great sneakers..…I love them all. I have more shoes than a Real Woman should have.  If I was a wealthy woman, I’d need a whole separate room as a shoe closet.  Shoe shopping for me is not out of necessity or practicality.  It is based on infatuation.  If the price is right, I will buy a pair of shoes just because they are adorable and I love them.  I will plan an outfit around a pair of shoes just because wearing them will make me happy.  As a matter of fact, I wore the pair shown above to work the other day simply because they made me smile and gave my spirits a boost.

Oreos

Maybe I’m going back to my childhood, but I’ve recently rediscovered the yumminess of Oreos.  There is just something about that great combination of chocolate cookies and creamy center.  I regularly keep a package in my cupboard, and sneak a couple any chance I get.  I was getting so addicted that I gave them up for Lent.  Really, I did.

Chocolate Martinis

 

For adult chocoholics, these are heaven in a glass.  They look cool and they are just so delicious.  For me, runners up in the adult beverage category include a cold mojito on a hot summer day, and a variety of fruity blender drinks.  Ahhhhhhh…..

Mindless TV

Sure, we all watch some tv.  But fess up, there are some shows you really enjoy that you are embarrassed to admit you watch…..maybe it is reality TV trash, possibly cheaply made Vampire shows? For me, I fell in love with “Smash”.  A new show this year, critics called it “Glee for adults”, and I got completely hooked – I looked forward to it every week.   The season has ended, and I miss it already. I also watch “American Idol.” I don’t know why, it really wasn’t very good this year, but I still watched it anyway.  And then there is “Storage Wars.”  My whole family is sucked into this one. Again, no truly redeeming qualities, but we know all of the participant’s names and personalities by heart, and watch it every chance we get.

Romantic movies and books.

This is escapism in its finest form.   I love romantic comedy movies, and romance novels.  Some of course are written better than others, and I do enjoy a decent plot.  Truly a guilty pleasure, I love settling in with my feet up to escape into a good fluff movie or book.  I get swallowed up and live in a different world while watching or reading.  And some of them can get pretty addictive…..50 Shades, anyone?

 

Alright, so I came clean….your turn…. Got any small guilty pleasures you are prepared to confess?

 

 

 

 

 

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Chauffeuring and Waiting

One of the responsibilities that many Real Women play is an extension of our care giver role:  Medical Liaison.  And by that, I mean providing transportation to and from medical appointments, taking notes and asking questions, and doing a whole ‘lotta waiting.  We perform this role for a wide variety of loved ones:  children, spouses, aging parents, and more.  (I will hold off on my philosophies about the aging of America and our broken health care system until a future post.)

I am frequently Medical Liaison for my son and my handicapped brother, and just recently, for my husband, who has had to go through some medical testing.  I know several co-workers and friends who have also taken on this role, often by default or simply by virtue of being the “closest family member”.

Throughout the many duties we take on as Medical Liaison, the one side-effect that astonishes me the most is the colossal amount of “wasted” time.  First is the Chauffeuring.  We need to transport ourselves and our patients to and from various and numerous medical centers, doctors’ offices and hospitals which can be anywhere from 10 minutes from home to an hour or more.  Generally speaking, our loved ones whom we are transporting may have difficulties getting around, so the process of getting them to and from the car can substantially add to the time involved.

Secondly, and most agonizing, is the WAITING.  Even when we do our best to make appointments, be prompt or early for arrival, and call ahead, there is still WAITING…we start out in the appropriately named “Waiting Room”.  Funny that they never call it the Lounge, the Welcome Center or the Relaxation Chamber.  Eventually we are ushered in to the interior sanctum, go through the first round of questioning by a nurse, and then – yup, WAIT for the doctor.  During the discussions with the doctor, your job as a Liaison is to ask any questions your loved one may have neglected to ask, and attempt to pay attention to all details and instructions given.  After that meeting, the Dr. may recommend some testing or further steps to take.  But before you take those steps, there is one more important thing you must do….which brings us to my Third Attribute of Wasted Time:  contacting the insurance company.

We can spend frustratingly large amounts of time on the internet and on the phone with Insurance Companies attempting to get an answer as to what, who, where and how much they will cover.   Only after getting those nuggets of information (which, you guessed it, often requires WAITING on hold on the phone), you can proceed with your next steps.

And guess what?  If you need to take more tests, you can go back to the start of the process, and be the Chauffeur to the next facility.  After repeating steps 1 – 3, you can expect to have the thrill of WAITING for the test results.

I am very lucky that my employer understands the occasional need for unexpected PTO for family reasons, and my boss is open to fairly flexible work schedules to accommodate personal medical needs.  But that doesn’t mean that I’m not getting anxious about the work sitting on my desk not getting done because I am spending my day Chauffeuring and Waiting… which, in reality, can become a part-time job in itself.

In the past, if I have been out and about during regular weekday hours, I’ve wondered why there are so many cars and people bustling about, why those people are not at work somewhere……now, after my recent experiences, I have come to a startling conclusion.  I believe that the majority of them are Real Women fulfilling their Medical Liaison responsibilities.

 

 

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Reality

Some days it can be tough for even the strongest, most confident, happy Real Women among us to not slip into the “Why” lament.

This morning at work, like most mornings, I was eating my breakfast at my desk. It consisted of a bowl of fruit, a 100-calorie whole grain breakfast thin, and green tea.  I knew lunch would be a salad or a turkey wrap.  And I started to wonder two things:

  1. Is it truly possible to die of food boredom from eating the same healthy things every day?

And more to the point:

    2.  Why don’t I look like Jennifer Aniston, Cathe Freidrich or Jlo by now?

Of course, deep down I knew the answer to #2.  But it took one of my BFF’s to hold up a mirror to me (virtually via email) to turn my own philosophies back on me and make me realize that once again, the answer is because THIS is reality. What celebrities and professional athletes have is something else.

My reality is that today I am in my mid-40’s.  Today I will get through another busy day at work. I will take a quick step out mid-afternoon to cruise home to get my son settled in after school so I can come back to work to finish up a couple projects.  From there, I will make a dash to the grocery store to buy a few necessities that we need to get through the next few days until I can do a “real” shopping trip. I will then swing home, grab a quick bite with my family, then run off to a meeting at Church for a committee I agreed to be on which at the time of  saying “yes” sounded great – although now on a busy rainy day, I am starting to doubt my exuberance.  At some point I will return home, hopefully before my son is in bed so I can detox and prepare for the next day which will have similar challenges.

Unfortunately, on days like this, my healthy eating habits will deteriorate by 3pm when I’m hungry and I’ll start grabbing chocolate or popcorn, and my schedule will not allow for a much-needed workout.  THIS is my reality, and THIS is why I don’t have the perfect flat stomach, I have bags under my eyes and my hair is unkempt.

As my BFF pointed out, those women I wanted to be this morning “have personal trainers to keep them in shape, personal chefs to keep their diets in control, personal assistants to do all the mundane normal tasks that people like us have to do on a daily basis, and they have personal shoppers and stylists who make sure they are always on the cutting edge and trendy.”  (Thank you Rea for these wise words).

True. I don’t have any of those things. But guess what I do have?  I have a job that for the most part keeps me close to home so I can have time with my family (vs jetting off to movie shoots in foreign lands for months at a time – and even though that sounds lovely sometimes, it wouldn’t work out well in the long run).  I have an amazing support group of Real Women in my life who completely “get it” and can commisserate with each other.  I have privacy when I need it, I don’t have paparazzi following and reporting on my every move.  I have unconditional love from family and friends who aren’t after my money (what there is of it!).  And I have the good chance that my son will not have years of therapy and rehab issues because he is growing up in a stable, fairly “normal” household with both mom and dad present and accounted for.

So when you feel yourself slipping down that slope to the “Why” lament, put your feet out and stop.  Don’t ask why you don’t have the perfect body.  So what if you have a muffin top?  Don’t ask why you don’t have more energy, just accept that you are tired at the end of the day.  Don’t ask why you can’t have flawless skin, and learn to accept those new wrinkles you find every week.  Don’t ask why you can’t still look and feel like a 20-year old, and instead be proud of your accomplishments.

Why?  Because you are Real.

And you ROCK.

 

 

 

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Joyousness

It was my pleasure and privilege to experience great moments of joy this weekend.

First, we had a weekend away and were honored to be the guests at a wedding of some dear friends.  The ceremony was in Brooklyn, and the reception was in Manhattan.   It was wonderful to see the joy of a bridge and groom in love, and to be part of the pure joy of family and friends as we all came together to celebrate. To first share the blessings in church, then to party and dance into the night truly is joyous.

The weekend continued with the peaceful joy of a Mother’s Day breakfast with my husband and son, eating at an outside café on the Upper East Side, in absolutely perfect weather, watching people and their dogs out for morning walks.

We then experienced joy through my son’s eyes as he thrilled to the wonder and excess of Times Square – marveling at the lights, sights, and retail extravaganza as only New York City can provide.  How can you not be a bit impressed with a toy store large enough to include a working ferris wheel?

The afternoon provided yet another kind of joy for me: Broadway.  I will admit that I am an unabashedly enthusiastic fan of musical theater.  I realize it is not the same for everyone. My son seems to enjoy it very much, my husband not so much.  I love everything about it – the sets, the lights, the sounds, the costumes and of COURSE the music and dancing.  Whether you are a fan or not, you have to admit the talent and energy of Broadway actors and actresses is nothing short of amazing.  Every day, night after night, they pour it all out on stage. I’ve often wondered what if they have a bad day?  Or are tired?  Or are not feeling great?  What if one of the actresses has pms?  It doesn’t seem to matter, as they say, “the show must go on.”  And the actors make it seem like they are loving every second of it, feeling as fresh as their first night, even if they have sung and danced that same number hundreds of times.  Their job is to knock our socks off – and yes, to bring their audience joy.

Then….. after all that…. We thankfully and safely arrived back home to our lovely quiet house – and the unbridled joy of a “where have you been?”” welcome of our loving, wagging, Labrador.

Truly simple joys come from the experiences in our lives – both big and little.  And most especially, it comes from the people in our lives….be it actors on a stage, friendly strangers on the street corner, or beloved family and friends sharing their life moments with us.

It is simply our responsibility to slow down and appreciate every one of them.

 

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Unmentionables

In my imagination, celebrities and women of exceptional wealth have amazing walk-in closets/wardrobe rooms that are beautifully sectioned appropriately.  One room for each season of clothing, one room just for shoes, one for accessories…..

The other morning, as I opened my crowded undergarment drawer, I wondered if “those” women had a room for their lingerie and undergarments, meticulously hung with care, sorted by color, all high-quality beautiful pieces….. or do any of them have the variety pack jammed in a drawer like THIS Real Woman?  A trip through my under-things drawer would potentially lead one to believe that either I have multiple-personality disorder, or that at least 3 different women are sharing the same closet.

Just in the world of panties, there are at least 5 categories:

  1. Every day comfortable, fairly cute or attractive, sometimes part of a matched set, but most likely just an assorted variety.
  2. The “Ooooh, I love these” – the especially cute panties from Victoria’s Secret that I just had to buy, and wear on days when I need a little ego boost.
  3. Boring beige to be worn under white.
  4. Thongs – once worn to be fun and sexy, now only worn under specific pairs of pants or skirts to avoid unsightly panty lines.
  5. The once-a-monthers – those granny-panties that are worn for a few days each month.  These are so incredibly ugly, I don’t care if they get ruined and have to be thrown away.

And, of course, there is the bra collection.  The majority of my bras are the same brand, same basic style.  They fit, are fairly comfortable, keep my over-40 body parts in approximately the right location, and have enough lining/padding to hid CWD’s. (Cold Weather Detectors).  Of course, there are a few different sizes… as we all know the correct size is a best-guess scenario, no matter how well the perky young lingerie sales associate measures you. Weight gains and losses, gravity, and even monthly changes can mean up to 3 different sizes in one drawer. These “daily” bras are in boring colors… black, tan, and pink.

Elsewhere in the drawer are a handful of “special purpose” bras.  The strapless (which NEVER fit comfortably), the convertible, the really pretty-had-to-have-them-my-man-will-love-it bras that are only comfortable to wear for about 30 minutes…. And then there are the sports bras – which again are in categories for me – the truly supportive ones that really get worn for workouts, and the really old ugly stretched out ones that are almost as comfortable as an old tshirt, perfect for under a sweatshirt at the end of the day.

And as for lingerie…..yup, I have several nice, very pretty pieces.  These are what I imagine hang in those celebrity closets.  Mine were primarily purchased back when my husband and I were dating and when we were newlyweds.  Now, if he’s lucky, he gets to see one for a special occasion.  But I keep those items, hanging, crammed into one little section of my closet, because they are pretty.

Those wealthy women can have their high-end well-appointed wardrobes.  Me, myself and I are happy with all of our undergarment options….we might just have to do some digging through a drawer to find them.

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